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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20150828
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
I may sound a little weird for a few minutes. I just took an Alka-Seltzer — without water. It’s kind of freaky when you can hear your belly fizzing.
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
“The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge; my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” – Psalms 18:2
Trouble and distress have come upon me, but your commands are my delight. –Psalm 119:143
You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. — Isaiah 26:3
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him. — John 6:66
Thought: This verse haunts me. Not just because of the three numbers in the reference, but because it is a great reminder that many folks simply gave up following Jesus when things became hard to understand. When he shattered their preconceived notions of religious things, when he confronted them about their motives, they went away. What will I do when things get difficult in my discipleship and I can’t figure out all the answers to what is going on? I hope, I pray, I trust that I will follow until the way and the will of the Lord become more clear!
Prayer: Awesome God, I confess openly that I cannot begin to understand all the complexities of your will and the way you work in our world. But Father, when I’m confused, please bring people into my life who will help me hang on to my faith until the confusion passes. And today, dear Father, please use me to help bless someone who is struggling with his or her faith. In Jesus’ name I ask it. Amen.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
Romans 8:28 NIV = And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
TODAY IS FRIDAY – AUGUST 28, 2015
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 123 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is RACE YOUR MOUSE AROUND THE ICONS DAY, something to do while waiting for files to load.
Today is WORLD SAUNTERING DAY. ***MARLAR: I’m more of a meandering kind of guy, myself. Can I saunter around the icons instead?
RADIO COMMERCIAL DAY. The first radio commercial was broadcast on New York City’s WEAF. The Queensboro Realty Company paid $100 for 10 minutes of air time. ***MARLAR: Ten minutes… for one commercial! Of course, nowadays you have sixty-second commercials… but radio stations like to play ten of them in a row (well, every station except ours, of course)!
Today is DREAM DAY, marking Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I Have a Dream” speech on this date in 1963. (
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
Crackers Over The Keyboard Day
COMING UP NEXT
SATURDAY, AUGUST 29
According to Hoyle Day
Franchise Appreciation Day
Individual Rights Day
International Bat Night
International Day Against Nuclear Tests
More Herbs, Less Salt Day
National Sarcoidosis Awareness Day
SUNDAY, AUGUST 30
International Bat Night
National Grief Awareness Day
National Holistic Pet Day
National Toasted Marshmallow Day
Pony Express Day
MONDAY, AUGUST 31
Love Litigating Lawyers Day
TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 01
Building and Code Staff Appreciation Day
Calendar Adjustment Day
Chicken Boy’s Day
Emma M. Nutt Day
International Day of Awareness of the Dolphins of Taiji
National No Rhyme (Nor Reason) Day
Toy Tips Executive Toy Test Day
WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 02
Bison-ten Yell Day
THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 03
Penny Press Day
FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 04
Bring Your Manners To Work Day
Cow Chip Throwing Days
National Lazy Boss Day
Newspaper Carrier Day
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 05
Cow Chip Throwing Days
Be Late For Something Day
International Day of Charity
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 06
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 07
Google Commemoration Day
Great Bathtub Race
Grandma Moses Day
“Neither Snow Nor Rain” Day
ON THIS DAY
1837: Pharmacists John Lea and William Perrins of Worcester, England, begin manufacturing their Worcester Sauce.
1883: Slavery was banned by the British Parliament throughout the British Empire.
1907: Seattle teenagers Claude Ryan and Jim Casey started a local delivery service called the American Messenger Company. Later, the name was changed to United Parcel Service: UPS.
1909: Washington rookie southpaw Dolly Gray walked a major-league record seven straight batters.
1922: The first radio commercial was broadcast on New York City’s WEAF. The Queensboro Realty Company paid $100 for 10 minutes of air time.
1962: Comic Gracie Allen died at age 62. Mrs. George Burns uttered thousands of wonderfully silly things like, “You buttered your bread, now lie in it.”
1963: Some 200,000 people participated in a peaceful civil rights “Freedom March” in Washington, where the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. delivered his “I Have a Dream” speech from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. Peter, Paul & Mary sang “Blowin’ in the Wind.”
1964: The Beatles appeared on the cover of Life magazine.
1965: Folk singer Bob Dylan was booed off the stage at Forest Hills Stadium in New York for playing an electric guitar.
1986: Rock singer Tina Turner became star #1831 on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
1989: Walt Disney Productions bought the Muppets for $100-million.
1995: Chase Manhattan and Chemical Banking announced a $10 billion-dollar deal to create America’s largest bank.
1996: In a London basement at 10:27 a.m. a legal clerk issued the divorce decree ending the 15-year marriage of the Prince and Princess of Wales. Charles and Diana were 500 miles apart. The court action cost $31.00.
1999: Three crewmen aboard the Mir space station returned safely to Earth after bidding farewell to the 13-year-old Russian orbiter.
1999: After an unarmed man robbed a bank in Hermiston, Oregon, he climbed into the trunk of his getaway car two blocks away to change clothes and accidentally locked himself inside. When he yelled for help, a policeman investigating the robbery came to his rescue and arrested him.
2004: The U.S. men’s basketball team won the bronze, the 100th U.S. medal of the Athens Summer Olympic Games. Secretary of State Colin Powell canceled plans to attend closing ceremonies after protests against U.S. foreign policy.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
430: As Vandals invade Roman North Africa and overwhelm Hippo refugees, Augustine dies of a fever. Miraculously, his writings, including City of God survived the Vandal takeover, and his theology became one of the main pillars on which the church of the next 1,000 years was built.
1828: Leo Tolstoy, Russian novelist and social reformer, is born. Though the Russian Orthodox Church excommunicated him in 1901, his later works emphasized Christian love and the teachings of Jesus.
1840: Ira D. Sankey, who for 25 years led the music when D.L. Moody preached, is born in Pennsylvania.
1862: Moody marries. His wife gets him to bathe and teaches him the social graces he lacks.
1928: Ordination of W. A. Criswell as a Baptist. He became a popular minister.
1953: Campus Crusade for Christ is incorporated.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
- actor (“Beverly Hills 90210”) Jason Priestley 47 (
- actress (Holly Sutton Scorpio on “General Hospital”, Fallon Carrington Colby on “Dynasty”) Emma Samms 55 (
- skater Scott Hamilton 57
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1925 : Donald O’Connor
1925 : Billy Grammer
1931 : Clem Cattini (The Tornadoes)
1937 : John Perkins (The Crew Cuts)
1943 : Anne “Honey” Lantree (The Honeycombs)
1943 : David Soul
1946 : Ken Andrew (Middle Of The Road)
1948 : Danny Seraphine (Chicago)
1949 : Martin Lamble (Fairport Convention)
1951 : Wayne Osmond (The Osmonds)
1952 : Dave Hlubek (Molly Hatchet)
1965 : Shania Twain
1982 : LeAnn Rimes
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
Like, what part of speech is “like” when used like this? Like, you know? We’ll, like, talk about “like” coming up in, like, a few minutes. So, like, stick around.
Why is it that “valley people” always, like, toss the word “like” into, like, the middle of a sentence? Lexicographer David Grambs dismisses it as “a stalling tactic for the syntactically challenged,” a barbaric “hiccup vocable” that might have sprung from “a California beach cave” or a “brain softener in our reservoirs.” He is soooo, like, hostile! So he’s, like, saying that it’s a way to, like, pause and think about what you’re, like, trying to, like, say.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It’s just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at ChristianRadioShowPrepServices.com!
Kevin Max had an interesting conversation with one of the kids in his neighborhood this week:
Neighbor Kid: ‘Mr Max, are you a real pirate?’
Me: ‘Not really, but I have sailed the seven seas, got a tattoo of a ship on my arm, met many a fair lady, been in some fights, and have pilfered ideas from the treasure chests of the artistic collective…”
Neighbor Kid: “Sounds real enough to me…”
Comedian Bob Smiley made some interesting finds when he got out his kids backpack this week in preparation for their first day of school. In the back packs Bob said he found his kid’s summer reading list and also the last thing he put in their lunch boxes last spring.
Jeremy Camp is dispelling a rumor. He was on the tour bus with his manager and shared a portion of their conversation. As part of their discuss Jeremy was asked about the rumor that they were having another baby. Jeremy emphasized that there is no truth to the rumor.
Filming for the for King and Country movie called Priceless is underway. Members of the band shared that filming is taking place this week in New Mexico. They released a movie poster that says it will be coming to theaters in 2016. It says For King and Country and Radiate Films present a Smallbone brothers film: Priceless, She’s Worth Fighting For. Find out more at PricelessTheMovie.com.
Jenny Simmons recently announced the addition of a cat to their family and it sounds like their daughter Annie’s first pet will give her plenty to write about. Jenny shared a picture as the cat sat inches away from her daughter face and posted: If given the choice, the new cat likes to sit nose to nose and stare at you all day long.
Aaron Shust has a new home, much simpler, home on facebook. He tweeted this week: Yes, diehard Facebookers, I’m no longer aaronshustsofficialbandpage! Just Aaron Shust. Facebook finally granted permission to change!!! Yippee!
Blanca was dealing with change this week. She shared a picture of her young son as he prepared to head out for his first day of preschool.
Kutless member James Mead says that are several ways to define the word Alarm Clock. In addition to an actual alarm clock, James says other things that can get you up on time include: The smell of bacon, Kids, and a deflated air mattress.
Jason Gray and Josh Wilson have a special bond and it goes by the name Truck. Jason shared a picture this week as Josh passed the keys of his old Durango, affectionately called Truck, to Jason’s son.
WEIRD & WACKY
|Sinkhole in China swallows 5 people
BEIJING (AP) — A sinkhole in a northeastern Chinese city swallowed five people in a dramatic scene that was captured on security video and shared widely on Chinese social media. A provincial broadcaster said four people were injured in the Saturday incident in the provincial capital of…
|Beware manspreading, enjoy wine o’clock: new Oxford words photo
LONDON (AP) — Manspreading is so widespread it’s now a word. The term, coined by commuters, refers to men on public transport who splay their legs wide apart and encroach on neighboring seats. It’s now been added to OxfordDictionaries.com. The free online dictionary of current usage, created…
|Spain officials dismiss ‘gag-law’ fine for woman over photo
MADRID (AP) — Authorities say a woman who posted a photograph on social media of a police car parked in a disabled parking space did not break the much-criticized new Public Security Law — known as the “gag law” — and will not be fined. Police in the southeastern town of Petrer…
|2 homeless pythons given to Vermont man headed to sanctuary photo
NORTH CLARENDON, Vt. (AP) — Two giant southeast Asian pythons that were rescued by a long-time snake collector and were turned over to state game wardens are headed to a sanctuary. The larger of the two reticulated pythons picked up Tuesday by experts from the Massachusetts-based Rainforest…
|Colorado police chief helps deliver own daughter on off-ramp
DENVER (AP) — A Colorado police chief helped deliver his own daughter after calling 911 from an interstate off-ramp. The Denver Post reports (http://dpo.st/1i1E3Oy) a dispatcher walked Eagle Police Chief Joey Staufer through the delivery in the early hours of Tuesday morning. Emergency…
|Clock shock: British admit Big Ben’s bongs not quite on time photo
LONDON (AP) — Don’t set your watch by Big Ben. Officials say the famous clock at Britain’s Parliament — used by Londoners for decades to check the time — has recently been slow by as much as six seconds. The 156-year-old clock chimes every 15 minutes and emits deep bongs to mark…
|2 bears who caused trouble at Grand Teton at Dakota zoo
SIOUX FALLS, S.D. (AP) — A zoo in southeast South Dakota has taken in two black bears that caused some trouble at Grand Teton National Park in Wyoming. The Great Plains Zoo and Delbridge Museum of Natural History in Sioux Falls will now be home to a 12-year-old female bear and her young cub….
|Pair found asleep in garage after homeowner reports burglary
NEW CASTLE, Pa. (AP) — Police in Pennsylvania say officers found a couple asleep in a garage with the light on after a homeowner reported a burglary. New Castle police tell the New Castle News (http://bit.ly/1MKLvZB) that they found the couple early Saturday, shortly after the homeowner…
|Dog’s warning tipped family to Nevada house fire
SPANISH SPRINGS, Nev. (AP) — A Spanish Springs family has been forced out of their home after a house fire, but authorities say no one was hurt thanks in part to a family pet. Officials for the Truckee Meadows Fire Protection District say one of the family’s dogs alerted them to the fire that…
|Texas couple rushes marriage vows to beat the stork
HOUSTON (AP) — It could have been the plot of a movie: A Houston couple improvises a hospital wedding in less than an hour after the bride goes into labor early. Stephanie Tallent was eight months pregnant and having an ultrasound Friday when she went into labor at Texas Children’s Pavilion…
|Police: Woman found intruder taking a shower, doing laundry
ERIE, Pa. (AP) — Pennsylvania State Police say a woman found an intruder taking a shower and doing his laundry at her home when she woke up. Troopers say the resident summoned police to her home in Greene Township, near Erie, on Saturday morning. Twenty-four-year-old Erie resident Casey James…
HEALTH & FITNESS
|Woman to give birth to conjoined twins in Colorado photo
AURORA, Colo. (AP) — An expectant mother of conjoined twins in Colorado has been told by doctors one of her babies won’t survive, but she’s hopeful one can be saved. Amber McCullough, of Hastings, Minnesota, was scheduled to have a C-section to deliver twin girls at the Colorado Fetal Care…
|Amputees decry Medicare payment overhaul for artificial feet photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Famous people don’t often get involved with Medicare payment policy, but a Boston Marathon bombing survivor and a former U.S. senator who lost a leg in wartime service have joined an industry campaign to block new requirements for artificial legs and feet. Medicare’s…
|Tackling goes high-tech at Dartmouth with new dummies photo
HANOVER, N.H. (AP) — On the Ivy League campus of Dartmouth College, even the football tackling dummies are smart. The team introduced a new MVP as the first practice of the season got underway Wednesday. Not a most valuable player, but a “Mobile Virtual Player” — a padded,…
|3 generations of Swedish family linked by single womb photo
GOTHENBURG, Sweden (AP) — For one family in Sweden, a pioneering procedure has led to a baby being born from the same womb that nurtured his mother, uniting three generations. The new mother, who lost her own uterus to cancer in her 20s, said it was “unimaginable” that she now had her own…
|Doctors recommend early exposure to prevent peanut allergies photo
CHICAGO (AP) — A pediatricians’ group is recommending that infants at high risk of peanut allergies be given foods containing peanuts before they turn 1. The interim guidance is in response to a major allergy study published earlier this year that found that exposure to peanuts in infancy…
|Report: Nearly 47 million people now have dementia
LONDON (AP) — Health researchers say there are now nearly 47 million people living with dementia globally, up from 35 million in 2009. They warned that without a medical breakthrough, numbers will likely double every 20 years. In a report issued on Tuesday, researchers from Alzheimer’s…
|Prosecutors: Ex-surgeon calls himself ‘killer’ in email
DALLAS (AP) — A Texas neurosurgeon facing criminal charges alleging he may have intentionally hurt patients who had turned to him to resolve debilitating injuries sent a chilling email to his girlfriend saying he was ready to “become a cold blooded killer,” according to prosecutors….
|Study finds peak months for college students’ 1st drug use photo
CHICAGO (AP) — Parents worried that their college-bound children might succumb to the temptations of campus life may want to take note of a new analysis that found that students tend to experiment with specific types of drugs for the first time during certain times of year. College students…
|PM hikes Romanian doctors’ wages by 25 percent
BUCHAREST, Romania (AP) — Romania’s prime minister has hiked doctors’ and nurses’ wages, among the lowest in Europe, by 25 percent after medics threatened to strike following a court ruling that they could no longer accept informal payments and gifts. Victor Ponta approved the raise…
|Illinois man denies cancer drug smuggling conspiracy charge
HELENA, Mont. (AP) — An Illinois man pleaded not guilty Tuesday to conspiring with an online Canadian pharmacy to smuggle mislabeled, unapproved and, in two cases, counterfeit prescription drugs into the U.S. to sell to doctors. Ram Kamath appeared before U.S. Magistrate Judge Jeremiah Lynch…
|Tardy tax filers risk loss of health care subsidies photo
WASHINGTON (AP) — Sign-up season for President Barack Obama’s health care law doesn’t start for another couple of months, but the next few days are crucial for hundreds of thousands of customers at risk of losing financial aid when they renew coverage for 2016. Call them tardy tax filers: an…
(None on the weekends)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
A new study from the University of Vermont finds that people with light-colored eyes may have a greater chance of becoming dependent on alcohol then their darker-eyed counterparts. *** Another giveaway is if your light-colored eyes are constantly bloodshot.
A man in England has been found guilty of drunk driving, after being stopped by police as he cruised home from a night out to celebrate passing his driving test. *** Once out of jail, he went out drinking to celebrate his first drunk-driving conviction.
A new survey shows the population of people in the United States who don’t have an Internet connection is down to 15 percent. That’s the equivalent of about 47 million people. *** Part of me feels sorry for them – but then another part of me envies how someone in this world has found a way to live without access to Facebook.
Looking for a late-summer getaway? Well, the Toilet Seat Museum in Alamo Heights, Texas, is housed in a man’s tin-roofed garage. The museum is filled with nearly 800 toilet seats and lids and even features a piece of the late Iraqi ruler Saddam Hussein’s toilet. *** So if you plan on flushing the rest of your summer vacation money down the toilet anyway…
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
If you’re dieting and exercising and still can’t get rid of that doughnut around your mid-section, this could be the answer. A recent article says stress, and it’s affect on the adrenal glands, could be impacting your body’s ability to burn fat. They say one of the first steps in overcoming the problem is reducing your stress through getting enough sleep, avoiding caffeine, and exercising. ***MARLAR: But… if I give up caffeine, won’t I be that much more stressed?
You can relieve your anxiety, depression and distress by cleaning your house vigorously for 20 minutes non-stop once a week. That’s the word from a study by researchers at University College London, who say that the key to alleviating the depression is physical exercise. ***MARLAR: That’s strange, because what depresses me the most is being asked to do housework.
While the 10 commandments doesn’t include: “thou shalt not eat chocolate cake,”– an unusual new study has found that people who regularly attend religious activities are 50 percent more likely to battle obesity by middle age. “We don’t know why frequent religious participation is associated with development of obesity,” said Matthew Feinstein, the study’s lead investigator and a fourth-year student at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine. “There have been a number of studies over the years that show more religious people tend to live longer, are less likely to smoke and have better mental health,” Feinstein noted. “Religious people are doing a lot right, but this is one special area where there is room for improvement.” ***MARLAR: How can you not know why religious folks tend to be fatter? Dude, have you not ever BEEN to a church social? Pot bellies come from pot luck.
Anyone in your company have “brain drain”? It seems that Federal programs — worth billions of dollars — are at risk because the government is not doing enough to recruit, train and keep good employees. According to the General Accounting Office, staff cutbacks, an aging work force, and competition from the private sector have contributed to the brain drain in the federal government. ***MARLAR: So what was the government’s excuse before this?
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Uphill Battle Goes Downhill”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Bob Smiley, “This Is My Real Voice”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD FRIDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you another inspiringly inspiring inspirational story in the never-ending deep-jungle soap-opera saga that is As the Jungle Turns!
CLOSE: Being a boy is tough – and going to school, doing homework, chores, and cleaning up your room may not be very fun, but what WOULD happen if you never had to work? Tune in next time, for As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF AUGUST 29/30, 2015
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Gruffy Bear was heading out for a picnic, singing show tunes. He wanted to go alone, but Millard the Monkey talked him into taking him along as well… but then Millard told all the other jungle animals, and now everybody is heading out for one gigantic picnic!
CLOSE: The mother of all picnic spots in order to have the mother of all picnics! Tune in again next time, As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.
MOMENT OF DUH
Just because you’re told that you are an instant winner doesn’t necessarily mean you really are one!
Luck was not on the side of New Zealand’s Amy Adams after the local Mad Butcher shop put up her picture announcing she was their ‘Lucky Shopper’ and the winner of a prize. As fate would have it the shop got Amy’s picture from the tape of a surveillance camera, which had captured her in the act of shoplifting. Despite that, Amy dropped in to collect the prize, which turned out to be handcuffs.
TOP TEN THINGS NOT TO SAY ON YOUR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY
- I stopped caring about anniversaries when you stopped caring about cooking.9. Today is our what?
8. Okay, let’s celebrate, but do we have to celebrate together?
7. I thought we only celebrated important events?
6. You can celebrate anniversaries with your next husband.
5. You don’t like what I pick out, so I thought why bother.
4. I got you a present worth a dollar for every time you were nice to me this year. Here’s a $5 gift certificate for McDonald’s.
3. If you want me to pretend like I care about our anniversary, I will.
2. You want to go out to dinner? Okay, okay, I’ll take you to Pizza Hut if it’ll shut ya up.
- I thought you only had to celebrate anniversaries while you were still in love.
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
Giving children the tools for education lands a mom behind bars!
FILE #1: A Connecticut mother was arrested after she gave her two sons a hammer and a screwdriver to protect themselves from bullies at school. Debora Smith was arrested and charged with risking injury to a minor. Police said they received a complaint from Wolfpit Elementary School that two children were carrying weapons to school that were given to them by their mother. The brothers, aged 5 and 7, were suspended after the tools were found in their backpacks. ***MARLAR: In a related story, teacher Bob Reynolds is being charged with “Contributing to the Delinquency of a Minor” in Shop Class.
FILE #2: Here’s a helpful tip. If you’re going to put your truck up for sale on Craigslist, and a potential buyer says he wants to take it out for a test drive, just saying, “Don’t steal it,” isn’t enough. In Council Bluffs, Iowa, Eric Elam put his 2005 Ford F-150 truck up for sale on Craigslist. A clean-cut looking man showed up to buy the truck but first wanted to take the truck for a quick test drive around the block. Elam told the guy, “Don’t steal it.” Amazingly that didn’t work and Elam never saw the man or the truck again. Police are searching for the vehicle but doubt they’ll ever find it.
FILE #3: It took one Chinese man five years to steal a motorcycle as he did it part by part from the factory where he worked. The man, identified only as Zhang, was an assembly line worker in a motorcycle factory in Chongqing and started stealing parts from the factory warehouse and assembling them at home in 2003. So after five years, he had finally built himself a brand new motorcycle and proudly started driving it on the road. But almost immediately he was stopped by police who discovered that he had no driver’s license or paperwork for the bike. Zhang then confessed to the crime and was fined $600 bucks, put on probation for a year, and ordered to return the motorcycle to the factory.
STRANGE LAW: In San Francisco it’s against the law to walk an elephant on Market Street unless it’s on a leash.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
Growing your own stuff in the garden is a great way to beat the high prices – but it’s not always the best way to go, particularly if what you’re growing will get you busted.
A Texas man decided to grow his own to beat high prices. But it wasn’t lettuce or tomatoes in his garden. Deputies charge John Daniel Miller III was growing pot. Tyler County deputies say a tip led them to Miller’s rural property, where they seized more than 70 pot plants. Authorities put the value of the illegal weed at about $100,000. Sheriff’s Sergeant Randy Meadows tells the Tyler Morning-Telegraph that Miller said he was trying save money by growing his own.
Family Circle reports on back to school:
- Half of all parents of K-12 students have had an argument with their kids over homework in the last year that involved yelling or tears; a third said such meltdowns occurred repeatedly.
- Many parents feel they’re being held responsible for their kids’ education, instead of teachers and schools and they resent it.
- The amount of time kids spend reading for fun declines sharply after age 8. The number one reason given by parents is too much homework.
- All those long homework assignments are exhausting, especially for middle and high schoolers: 22% of teens say they’re so tired they fall asleep while studying, and 28% say they nod off in the classroom.
What do you and your kids argue about when it comes to school?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: Daniel had a dream about four beasts. The first was like what animal?
ANSWER: Lion (Daniel 7:4)
QUESTION: Of the 206 bones in the human body, how many are in the feet?
ANSWER: 52 (26 per foot)
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
- The right lung takes in more air than the left. (True)
- It takes 34 muscles to frown. (False – 43)
- It takes 37 muscles to smile. (False – only 17)
- One 75-watt light bulb gives off more light than three 25-watt light bulbs. (True)
- For 186 days of the year you cannot see the sun in the North Pole. (True)
- Any free-moving liquid in outer space will form itself into a sphere. (True – because of its surface tension)
- Lightning strikes somewhere about 600 times per second on Earth. (False – 6,000 times per second!)
- If you put a raisin in a glass of coke, it will keep floating to the top and sinking to the bottom. (True – although I’ve never tried it.)
- A woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s heart. (True)
- Our eyes always stay the same size from birth. (True – but our nose and ears never stop growing.)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
“Boy Fishing Catches __________!” (Scuba Diver)
In the Netherlands, a 13-year-old boy was fishing when he got the surprise catch of the day — a Dutch scuba diver! The boy’s hook snagged the diver in the lip and he had no choice but to grab the line and swim to the surface. A doctor managed to later free him from the hook.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
The new minister arrived in a small Midwestern town to assume the duties of the church leader. Wanting to mail a letter, he asked a young boy where the post office was. When the boy told him, the minister thanked him and said, “If you’ll come to the Baptist church this evening, I’ll tell you how to get to Heaven.”
“I don’t think I’ll be there,” the boy said. “You don’t even know your way to the post office.”
Boss: You got your hair cut on company time.
Susie: It grew on company time.
Boss: Not all that hair.
Susie: I didn’t get it all cut.
My brother-in-law came home to an empty house one day and decided he would start dinner. First, he would make the salad. He searched high and low for the big bowl for making the salad and finally found it in the refrigerator, half full of Kool Aid.
“Who on earth put Kool Aid in a bowl?” He looked around and found some empty pop bottles, rinsed them out and using a funnel, transferred the Kool Aid to the pop bottles and returned them to the fridge. He then made the salad and started the rest of the dinner.
Later, my sister came home. She had been to the store and was putting some things in the fridge, when suddenly she asked her husband, “Who on earth put my Jello in pop bottles?”
Even though they discovered it in 2000, the science community is still excited about the discovery of water on the surface of Mars. Water would make it easier to colonize Mars since it can be used for drinking, turned into rocket fuel or converted into oxygen for breathing. ***MARLAR: Wait a minute. We can use water on Mars to make rocket fuel? So why are we paying a fortune for gas here on Earth – a planet made of water?
Food fight! Combine 113 tons of ripe tomatoes and 40,000 partying Spaniards and you have the recipe for a mega-mess. Tens of thousands of people had a blast the other day belting each other with tomatoes, during the annual summer ritual in the village of Bunol. It all got started in the 1940’s. Now, some people aren’t satisfied with just tossing the tomatoes, they tried hitting them with tennis rackets. After it was all over, the tons of tomato mush was hosed away by clean-up crews. ***MARLAR: Hosed away? What a waste! Add some noodles and you’ve got dinner!
YOUNG MAN’S DISORDER
A young man was visiting a psychiatrist, hoping to cure his eating and sleeping disorder.
“Every thought I have turns to my mother,” he told the psychiatrist. “As soon as I fall asleep and begin to dream, everyone in my dream turns into my mother. I wake up so upset that all I can do is go downstairs and eat a piece of toast.”
The psychiatrist replied, “What, just one piece of toast for a big boy like you?”
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
If you carry a purse, you are essentially toting a big bag of bacteria around with you everywhere you go. That’s the finding of a new UK study, which claims that women’s handbags hosted more bacteria than the average toilet flush. We should note that the research was conducted by a cleaning and “hygiene services” company called Initial., But your purse is still coated in germs – and that was confirmed by microbiologists not connected to the UK study as well. Charles Gerba, a University of Arizona microbiologist who has studied bacteria living on handbags, found that the bottoms of handbags were the nastiest, likely because women placed them on the bathroom floor.
Time is more valuable than money. You can get more money, but you cannot get more time.
You can (and should) say no. It’s best not to let your mouth overload your back.
Time is the best-kept secret of the rich.
You can learn to separate the majors and the minors. A lot of people don’t do well simply because they major in minor things.
It’s best not to mistake movement for achievement. It’s easy to get faked out by being busy. The question is: Busy doing what?
Days are expensive. When you spend a day you have one less day to spend, so you must spend each one wisely.
Sometimes you need to stay in touch but be out of reach.
Think about how you are spending your time. Can you make a few changes for the better? There is no one alive who can’t say no to that!
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
“If one part suffers, every part suffers with it” (1 Corinthians 12:26). Paul shows us that we are a body that is totally interrelated, not independent. No part of the body can continue to function normally when one part is in pain. The whole body focuses its attention on the pain. In the same way, Mordecai sent word to Esther not to think that just because she lived in the palace she should not be concerned about the death threat on the Jews (Esther 4:13). If she did not help, she would be destroyed as well! Our influences and gifts are given to us by God to help others for “such a time as this” (Esther 4:14). Let us take inventory of the positions, finances and grace of God in our lives and see whom those gifts were intended to help. If we keep them for ourselves and do not identify with those in need, we will cry for help one day and no one will respond. Because Esther was obedient, David’s psalm came true with Haman: “See how the evildoers lie fallen—thrown down, not able to rise!” (Psalm 36:12).
A woman says she was fired from her job at a Charlotte Wal-Mart just for being a Good Samaritan. .
..Charnese Spain said she was stocking shelves late one night when she noticed two blind women walk into the store after being dropped off by a cab. About 2 hours later, Spain said she was shocked to see the women were still at the store, sitting outside. Worried, she asked the girls if they were okay. They explained they were college students waiting to go back to school, but were having a difficult time getting a cab to come pick them up. When 2am rolled around and they were still there (3 hours after they came in), Charnese offered to drive them home. Her boss originally said no, but then said she could take the girls home as part of her “lunch hour”, but when she got back her boss fired her. He claims it’s because she didn’t punch out (which Charnese said she did). ***MARLAR: Sounds like Wal-Mart may need a price check on human decency.
LIFE… LIVE IT
VOICE OF TRUTH
New research has shown that women are attracted to men who have deeper voices…
since they are perceived to be healthier and more masculine than those with higher voices. In addition, men are drawn to women whose voices are higher-pitched, since they perceive these females to be more attractive, subordinate, feminine, healthier and younger-sounding. ***MARLAR: Finally, hope for those of us who have a face for radio.
JUST FOR FUN
I’M STICK MAN!
Pretending to be a superhero is natural for kids – but one childcare center in Australia is saying superheroes are not allowed on the premises!
A number of child care centers in Melbourne, Australia, declared themselves “superhero-free zones” and banned kids from wearing superhero costumes. They say it makes kids aggressive, you get little gangs of Batmen and Supermen bullying weaker kids, and it discourages creativity because they want to be the same character every day. But parents are angry, and a child play expert from Monash University said there’s no evidence that wearing a Batman costume promotes violence and that kids can get aggressive just playing with a stick. ***MARLAR: Oh – and they’re not allowed to play with sticks anymore either.
DEEP THOUGHTS BY JACK HANDY… SORT OF
“Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy” was a favorite on the Saturday Night Live TV show. One example would be, “A day without sunshine is like night.” Well, a newspaper (don’t know which one) ran a contest where entrants, age 4 to 15, were asked to imitate “Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy.” Here they are:
- When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he better have lost the nose hair and the old-man smell. –Age 5
- I once heard the voice of God. It said “Vrrrrmmmmm.” Unless it was just a lawn mower. –Age 11
- I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don’t have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life? –Age 15
- Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any old yokel vote. –Age 10
- Home is where the house is. –Age 6
- Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number. –Age 15
- Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. –Age 13
- The only stupid question is the one that is never asked, except maybe “Isn’t is morally wrong to give me a warning when, in fact, I was speeding?” –Age 15
- For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That’s what happens to cheese when you leave it out. –Age 6
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
Almost all kids will eventually try to pull a Ferris Bueller – playing sick to get out of school. So, how do you spot a faker when Internet pages are devoted to sharing faking tips?
You should be suspicious if your child claims to be sick every month or so. If your kid says a friend is sick, they could be setting you up for their illness. Before they spring the excuse, call the friend’s parent to find out if their kid is really sick. Also, find out from their teacher if a big assignment is due – they may want to avoid that day. Wait awhile after they complain about feeling sick before you take their temperature. This will cancel out any short-term spikes in temperature from hot liquids or warm coins under the tongue. Also stay in the room while the thermometer is in the child’s mouth. If they barf, don’t take their word for it. Make sure you see it so they don’t try the old condensed vegetable soup in the toilet trick. Finally, if you let them stay home, disconnect the cable, block the computer, and take away the iPod to cancel the fun factor.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
The future is now. According to Relevant Magazine, The YouTube science guru Mrwhosetheboss has posted a video, showing how with just a few household items—a CD Case, tape, and graph paper—you can turn your smartphone into a hologram projector. Thanks to a few specially-created videos to play once your small pyramid is constructed, creating the hologram illusions is actually really easy. http://relm.ag/1h2Reyo
At 85 years young, an Arizona great-grandmother has scaled Mount Kilimanjaro, the highest peak in Africa and the tallest freestanding mountain in the world. Anne Lorimore completed the climb with her niece and nephew despite contracting the flu on day four of the eight-day trip in Tanzania. Officials say “We are just waiting word from Guinness to make it official that she’s the oldest woman to reach the summit.” *** So, what’s your excuse for not doing what you want to do? http://huff.to/1JhZ8jz
Bad news for those of you who included “sleep more” on your list of resolutions for this year. The team behind sleep-analyzing app Sleep Cycle spent the past six months gathering real-time data from 235,616 American men and women between the ages of 18 and 55 who use the app. Their main discovery: We start strong in January with our sleep quantity, but it gets progressively worse with each month that passes. Both men and women experienced the best sleep quality in February, and went to bed earliest throughout March. June was the most sleep-deprived month measured but also ranked the highest for logged workouts for both men and women as the summer weather arrived. http://huff.to/1PqthMI
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
I believe that when you open a bag of chips, no matter what size it is, it is a “single serving.”
THE WAY WE WORK
(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from 1160Hope.com in Chicago.)
True confession. In my twenties, my first radio job barely paid me enough to buy gas to get back and forth to work and share the rent of a cheap apartment. While I knew the risks of driving without insurance, I did so for a season of time. And sure enough, I had a minor accident while uninsured. Thank God it wasn’t worse!
Several months later, I married my beloved Rhonda and our financial picture improved. Time to get my insurance squared away! We stopped in at the agency where Rhonda had her auto policy to have me added. Surprise! Not only would they not add me to any policy, they were now dropping her since she had married an insurance risk! Talk about a blow to one’s self esteem. And I didn’t get any smiles from my new bride on the way out.
Since that time, I’ve never driven without auto insurance. I’m no longer considered a risky guy. At least in that area. In fact, the company that gave us that painful rejection has made many offers over the years to have us sign up. Hmmm. I’m still thinking it over and weighing the risk factors. (Smile)
Make no mistake. I’m not questioning the right of any company to qualify their customers. Perhaps there might have been a way to work with us, however.
This brings me to a new “character” defining method being employed today, via algorithms. I learned of it in an article in the New York Times, as written by Quentin Hardy: “Using Algorithms to Determine Character.”
The story tells of a California firm that loans money. And in the course of just over a year, they have forked over $135 million to people with “mostly negligible credit ratings.” We’re talking recent college graduates without the normal credit building history.
Instead, this company, known as Upstart, chooses SAT scores, college information including majors, and grade-point averages. The quality of the chosen school factors in as well.
What I found especially interesting in the story was the way two men from different companies engaged in this analytics-based evaluation system avoided the use of the word “character.” Paul Gu, co-founder of Upstart, skips around it. And Douglas Merrill, founder and CEO of another lending company, ZestFinance, puts a qualifier on it as well.
Merrill says, “‘Character’ is a loaded term, but there is an important difference between ability to pay and willingness to pay.” Willingness is a character issue.
Some of the evaluation criteria considered is whether a person has ever given up a prepaid wireless phone number. If so, why? Were they on the run? Another firm uses analytics to predict how long an employee will stay by looking at past work behavior. Or how well a manager holds on to talent. Or a person’s tenacity.
These companies may shy away from using the word character, but it has certainly found its place of importance in business. Warren Bennis has said, “Successful leadership is not about being tough or soft, sensitive or assertive, but about a set of attributes. First and foremost is character.” Scottish minister and author John C. Geikie stated, “Our character is but the stamp on our souls of the free choices of good and evil we have made through life.”
Here’s an important lesson for all of us. The quality of our character can change over time. The person you were yesterday is not the person you have to be tomorrow. Or as I heard recently, “Your history is not your destiny.” We can develop and improve our character with time.
There is One whose character does NOT change. Hebrews 13:8 says plainly, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” (ESV) James 1:17 adds, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” (ESV)
I wonder if there are any analytics that could measure the change in a person who comes to faith? The Bible says we become new creatures when that faith takes hold. The old has passed away. The new has come. Our character changes.
I know something else very important about God’s love. Once you’re on His plan, the policy states that you never get dropped. Whew!
That’s The Way WE Work.
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
AUGUST 28, 2015…
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: The Green Legend—Finally, here comes the sequel for this film that was a visual feast of color and activity. The plot is a carefully kept secret, but at least we know that the cast includes Michelle Yeoh, Donny Wen, and Jason Scott Lee. The film will first open in IMAX and Netflix, then in regular movie theaters a week later. “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: The Green Legend” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.
Hitman: Agent 47—The film is based on the game series and about a hitman who is part robotic. He is assigned to kill someone but begins to doubt his assignment. Stars Rupert Friend. “Hitman: Agent 47” is rated R. No rating.
The War Room—This film is called a Christian drama dealing with trying to keep a marriage together. It stars Alex Kendricks who also directs. Also in the cast are Priscilla Shirer and T. C. Stallings. “The War Room” (called because it is a special room of safety and reflection) is rated PG 13. Rating of 2 for fans.
We Are Your Friends—In this film, Zac Efron plays an ambitious young man who wants to rise to the top of the music industry as an electronic music producer. Wes Bentley says he can help him, but is this true? “We Are Your Friends” is rated PG-13. No rating.
Regression—Emma Watson is a young woman who has lost her memory. What has happened? Something from her past? Abusive family or traumatic event? Also in the cast are Ethan Hawke and Dennis Dencik. “Regression” is rated R. No rating.
SEPTEMBER 02, 2015…
No Escape is a thriller about trying to get out of a Middle Eastern country during an uprising. Stars Owen Wilson and Pierce Brosnan.
Films Opening September 4
Jane Got A Gun and this film was supposed to have opened in March but unexpectedly got pushed to fall. It’s a western starring Natalie Portman.
Kitchen Sink is a comedy horror film starring Vanessa Hudgens and about a town where vampires, humans and zombies live together.
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Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at www.DarrenMarlar.com.