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AND NOW… ON WITH THE SHOW!
PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION: 20160828
WELCOME TO THE SHOW!
I may sound a little weird for a few minutes. I just took an Alka-Seltzer — without water. It’s kind of freaky when you can hear your belly fizzing.
BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY
“The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge; my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” – Psalms 18:2
Trouble and distress have come upon me, but your commands are my delight. –Psalm 119:143
You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. — Isaiah 26:3
HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT
From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him. — John 6:66
Thought: This verse haunts me. Not just because of the three numbers in the reference, but because it is a great reminder that many folks simply gave up following Jesus when things became hard to understand. When he shattered their preconceived notions of religious things, when he confronted them about their motives, they went away. What will I do when things get difficult in my discipleship and I can’t figure out all the answers to what is going on? I hope, I pray, I trust that I will follow until the way and the will of the Lord become more clear!
Prayer: Awesome God, I confess openly that I cannot begin to understand all the complexities of your will and the way you work in our world. But Father, when I’m confused, please bring people into my life who will help me hang on to my faith until the confusion passes. And today, dear Father, please use me to help bless someone who is struggling with his or her faith. In Jesus’ name I ask it. Amen.
“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY
The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!
Romans 8:28 NIV = And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
TODAY IS SUNDAY – AUGUST 28, 2016
(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY 124 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.
Today is RACE YOUR MOUSE AROUND THE ICONS DAY, something to do while waiting for files to load.
Today is WORLD SAUNTERING DAY. ***MARLAR: I’m more of a meandering kind of guy, myself. Can I saunter around the icons instead?
RADIO COMMERCIAL DAY. The first radio commercial was broadcast on New York City’s WEAF. The Queensboro Realty Company paid $100 for 10 minutes of air time. ***MARLAR: Ten minutes… for one commercial! Of course, nowadays you have sixty-second commercials… but radio stations like to play ten of them in a row (well, every station except ours, of course)!
Today is DREAM DAY, marking Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I Have a Dream” speech on this date in 1963. (audio clip)
TODAY IS ALSO. . .
Pony Express Day
Race Your Mouse Around The Icons Day
Radio Commercials Day
Crackers Over The Keyboard Day
COMING UP NEXT
MONDAY, AUGUST 29
According To Hoyle Day
Individual Rights Day
International Day Against Nuclear Tests
More Herbs, Less Salt Day
National Whiskey Sour Day
TUESDAY, AUGUST 30
International Whale Shark Day
National Grief Awareness Day
National Holistic Pet Day
National Toasted Marshmallow Day
WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 31
Love Litigating Lawyers Day
National Matchmaker Day
THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 01
Building And Code Staff Appreciation Day
Calendar Adjustment Day
Chicken Boy’s Day
Emma M. Nutt Day
National No Rhyme (Nor Reason) Day
Toy Tips Executive Toy Test Day
FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 02
Bison-ten Yell Day
Bring Your Manners To Work Day
Cow Chip Throwing Days begin
National Lazy Moms Day
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 03
Penny Press Day
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 04
Newspaper Carrier Day
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 05
Be Late For Something Day
Great Bathtub Race
ON THIS DAY
1837: Pharmacists John Lea and William Perrins of Worcester, England, begin manufacturing their Worcester Sauce.
1883: Slavery was banned by the British Parliament throughout the British Empire.
1907: Seattle teenagers Claude Ryan and Jim Casey started a local delivery service called the American Messenger Company. Later, the name was changed to United Parcel Service: UPS.
1909: Washington rookie southpaw Dolly Gray walked a major-league record seven straight batters.
1922: The first radio commercial was broadcast on New York City’s WEAF. The Queensboro Realty Company paid $100 for 10 minutes of air time.
1962: Comic Gracie Allen died at age 62. Mrs. George Burns uttered thousands of wonderfully silly things like, “You buttered your bread, now lie in it.”
1963: Some 200,000 people participated in a peaceful civil rights “Freedom March” in Washington, where the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. delivered his “I Have a Dream” speech from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. Peter, Paul & Mary sang “Blowin’ in the Wind.”
1964: The Beatles appeared on the cover of Life magazine.
1965: Folk singer Bob Dylan was booed off the stage at Forest Hills Stadium in New York for playing an electric guitar.
1986: Rock singer Tina Turner became star #1831 on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
1989: Walt Disney Productions bought the Muppets for $100-million.
1995: Chase Manhattan and Chemical Banking announced a $10 billion-dollar deal to create America’s largest bank.
1996: In a London basement at 10:27 a.m. a legal clerk issued the divorce decree ending the 15-year marriage of the Prince and Princess of Wales. Charles and Diana were 500 miles apart. The court action cost $31.00.
1999: Three crewmen aboard the Mir space station returned safely to Earth after bidding farewell to the 13-year-old Russian orbiter.
1999: After an unarmed man robbed a bank in Hermiston, Oregon, he climbed into the trunk of his getaway car two blocks away to change clothes and accidentally locked himself inside. When he yelled for help, a policeman investigating the robbery came to his rescue and arrested him.
2004: The U.S. men’s basketball team won the bronze, the 100th U.S. medal of the Athens Summer Olympic Games. Secretary of State Colin Powell canceled plans to attend closing ceremonies after protests against U.S. foreign policy.
TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY
430: As Vandals invade Roman North Africa and overwhelm Hippo refugees, Augustine dies of a fever. Miraculously, his writings, including City of God survived the Vandal takeover, and his theology became one of the main pillars on which the church of the next 1,000 years was built.
1828: Leo Tolstoy, Russian novelist and social reformer, is born. Though the Russian Orthodox Church excommunicated him in 1901, his later works emphasized Christian love and the teachings of Jesus.
1840: Ira D. Sankey, who for 25 years led the music when D.L. Moody preached, is born in Pennsylvania.
1862: Moody marries. His wife gets him to bathe and teaches him the social graces he lacks.
1928: Ordination of W. A. Criswell as a Baptist. He became a popular minister.
1953: Campus Crusade for Christ is incorporated.
HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS
actor (“Beverly Hills 90210”) Jason Priestley 48 (audio clip)
actress (Holly Sutton Scorpio on “General Hospital”, Fallon Carrington Colby on “Dynasty”) Emma Samms 56 (audio clip)
skater Scott Hamilton 58
(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)
1925 : Donald O’Connor
1925 : Billy Grammer
1931 : Clem Cattini (The Tornadoes)
1937 : John Perkins (The Crew Cuts)
1943 : Anne “Honey” Lantree (The Honeycombs)
1943 : David Soul
1946 : Ken Andrew (Middle Of The Road)
1948 : Danny Seraphine (Chicago)
1949 : Martin Lamble (Fairport Convention)
1951 : Wayne Osmond (The Osmonds)
1952 : Dave Hlubek (Molly Hatchet)
1965 : Shania Twain
1982 : LeAnn Rimes
SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE
Like, what part of speech is “like” when used like this? Like, you know? We’ll, like, talk about “like” coming up in, like, a few minutes. So, like, stick around.
Why is it that “valley people” always, like, toss the word “like” into, like, the middle of a sentence? Lexicographer David Grambs dismisses it as “a stalling tactic for the syntactically challenged,” a barbaric “hiccup vocable” that might have sprung from “a California beach cave” or a “brain softener in our reservoirs.” He is soooo, like, hostile! So he’s, like, saying that it’s a way to, like, pause and think about what you’re, like, trying to, like, say.
CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS
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Casting Crowns Megan Garrett says soaking in Epsom salt does wonders for my over-worked, sore muscles. No, she’s not recovering from a long series of concerts or from working out. Megan says it’s just from being a mom.
It’s been a rough week for the Sidewalk Prophets. They were on their way back to Nashville from Washington State when their bus, nicknamed Bubba, broke down outside of Portland at 2:00am. After waiting 18 hours for a tow truck big enough to haul the bus to the shop the members of the band finally made it to a local town. To make matters worst, band members say that, while they were waiting for the tow truck, a family of skunks sprayed into their central air intake. The members of Sidewalk Prophets say prayer would be appreciated as mechanics try to identify and fix Bubba’s problems.
Before success of “Breathe” Jonny Diaz prayed about leaving music. According to a recent interview with CCM Magazine, the popularity of “Breathe,” came as a complete surprise to everyone involved—from the label to the artist himself. Breathe” is one of five songs on Jonny’s EP Everything Is Changing that came out nearly a year ago. In the time since its release, Diaz has turned his attention to other things. He and his wife have a 13 month old daughter and they also own and operate Fit Factory Nashville, a group training gym with a staff of six coaches and 300 members. Jonny says of the response to the song: It’s a very cool surprise that’s opened all these doors for music for a career that I wouldn’t say was dead, but I would have said was on the way out.” http://bit.ly/CCM-JDft
Moriah Peters on her recent flight:
Falls asleep on Southwest Air flight.
Leans on husband’s shoulder.
Not my husband.
Jonny Diaz has been on the road for a long time. He posted this weekend: Only two more concerts, then I get to go home. It’s a good thing… My memory foam mattress probably has no clue who I am.
NeedToBreathe fans are very dedicated. One Ohio resident flew to South Carolina for the Charleston show. When it was canceled due to severe weather he rented a car, bought tickets for front row seats online, and drove five hours to see the show the next night in Georgia.
Selah member Todd Smith has a first world problem. He posted: Just got stuck behind a lady writing a check at the cash register.
Fun fact no.234 from We Are Worship UK: Hillsong United is not a football team (also known as soccer in the states). The organization says it’s a true story. It might have something to do with that fact that the professional team in Manchester, England is named Manchester United.
This time it was Building 429 guitarist Jesse Garcia who was waiting in line. One TSA agent posted: “Omg, I’ve never met you guys cuz there are always huge lines at your shows; but today you guys had a huge line to come meet me.”
NeedtoBreathe members Bear and Bo recently sat down with Fuse TV to talk about how the band’s latest CD, Hard Love, came to be. Watch the interview as the two brothers detail the unusual process for how the ambitious record came together. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMY5O0PBtgA
(No news on the weekends. As on ONAIRprep subscriber, you can get a fully-produced, customized version of the Daily Dose of Weird News FREE with a station or show specific tag! Email email@example.com for details!)
NEW NEWS KICKERS…
NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Bars Have Parking Lots”
DAILY COMEDY CLIP
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… Johnny Roberts, “Football Widow”
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE
OPEN: And now FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Cheetah Bonita met a group of alligators that sang wonderfully together – and they helped her realize that doing a solo is great once in a while, but not all of the time. And it looks like all the other animals heard the alligators singing too…
CLOSE: Now THAT is a harmonious ending! Tune in again next time, for another exciting episode of As the Jungle Turns!
AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF AUGUST 27/28
OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Marvy Snuffleson and all of the Razzleflabbins were running away, terrified of The Plaid Guy! Marvy was running so hard and was so scared that he even dropped his teddy-bear – but then he fell down, and before he could get up, the Plaid Guy was right on top of him!
CLOSE: Well… it’s good to know that The Plaid Guy is actually a friendly guy… but you have to wonder… living alone all these years, how good can his seven cup salad really be? We’ll find out next time… As the Jungle Turns!
***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.
MOMENT OF DUH
Just because you’re told that you are an instant winner doesn’t necessarily mean you really are one!
Luck was not on the side of New Zealand’s Amy Adams after the local Mad Butcher shop put up her picture announcing she was their ‘Lucky Shopper’ and the winner of a prize. As fate would have it the shop got Amy’s picture from the tape of a surveillance camera, which had captured her in the act of shoplifting. Despite that, Amy dropped in to collect the prize, which turned out to be handcuffs.
TOP TEN THINGS NOT TO SAY ON YOUR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY
10. I stopped caring about anniversaries when you stopped caring about cooking.
9. Today is our what?
8. Okay, let’s celebrate, but do we have to celebrate together?
7. I thought we only celebrated important events?
6. You can celebrate anniversaries with your next husband.
5. You don’t like what I pick out, so I thought why bother.
4. I got you a present worth a dollar for every time you were nice to me this year. Here’s a $5 gift certificate for McDonald’s.
3. If you want me to pretend like I care about our anniversary, I will.
2. You want to go out to dinner? Okay, okay, I’ll take you to Pizza Hut if it’ll shut ya up.
1. I thought you only had to celebrate anniversaries while you were still in love.
THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER
Giving children the tools for education lands a mom behind bars!
FILE #1: A Connecticut mother was arrested after she gave her two sons a hammer and a screwdriver to protect themselves from bullies at school. Debora Smith was arrested and charged with risking injury to a minor. Police said they received a complaint from Wolfpit Elementary School that two children were carrying weapons to school that were given to them by their mother. The brothers, aged 5 and 7, were suspended after the tools were found in their backpacks. ***MARLAR: In a related story, teacher Bob Reynolds is being charged with “Contributing to the Delinquency of a Minor” in Shop Class.
FILE #2: Here’s a helpful tip. If you’re going to put your truck up for sale on Craigslist, and a potential buyer says he wants to take it out for a test drive, just saying, “Don’t steal it,” isn’t enough. In Council Bluffs, Iowa, Eric Elam put his 2005 Ford F-150 truck up for sale on Craigslist. A clean-cut looking man showed up to buy the truck but first wanted to take the truck for a quick test drive around the block. Elam told the guy, “Don’t steal it.” Amazingly that didn’t work and Elam never saw the man or the truck again. Police are searching for the vehicle but doubt they’ll ever find it.
FILE #3: It took one Chinese man five years to steal a motorcycle as he did it part by part from the factory where he worked. The man, identified only as Zhang, was an assembly line worker in a motorcycle factory in Chongqing and started stealing parts from the factory warehouse and assembling them at home in 2003. So after five years, he had finally built himself a brand new motorcycle and proudly started driving it on the road. But almost immediately he was stopped by police who discovered that he had no driver’s license or paperwork for the bike. Zhang then confessed to the crime and was fined $600 bucks, put on probation for a year, and ordered to return the motorcycle to the factory.
STRANGE LAW: In San Francisco it’s against the law to walk an elephant on Market Street unless it’s on a leash.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
Growing your own stuff in the garden is a great way to beat the high prices – but it’s not always the best way to go, particularly if what you’re growing will get you busted.
A Texas man decided to grow his own to beat high prices. But it wasn’t lettuce or tomatoes in his garden. Deputies charge John Daniel Miller III was growing pot. Tyler County deputies say a tip led them to Miller’s rural property, where they seized more than 70 pot plants. Authorities put the value of the illegal weed at about $100,000. Sheriff’s Sergeant Randy Meadows tells the Tyler Morning-Telegraph that Miller said he was trying save money by growing his own.
Family Circle reports on back to school:
Half of all parents of K-12 students have had an argument with their kids over homework in the last year that involved yelling or tears; a third said such meltdowns occurred repeatedly.
Many parents feel they’re being held responsible for their kids’ education, instead of teachers and schools and they resent it.
The amount of time kids spend reading for fun declines sharply after age 8. The number one reason given by parents is too much homework.
All those long homework assignments are exhausting, especially for middle and high schoolers: 22% of teens say they’re so tired they fall asleep while studying, and 28% say they nod off in the classroom.
What do you and your kids argue about when it comes to school?
BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!
QUESTION: Daniel had a dream about four beasts. The first was like what animal?
ANSWER: Lion (Daniel 7:4)
QUESTION: Of the 206 bones in the human body, how many are in the feet?
ANSWER: 52 (26 per foot)
TRUE OR FALSE
Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!
1. The right lung takes in more air than the left. (True)
2. It takes 34 muscles to frown. (False – 43)
3. It takes 37 muscles to smile. (False – only 17)
4. One 75-watt light bulb gives off more light than three 25-watt light bulbs. (True)
5. For 186 days of the year you cannot see the sun in the North Pole. (True)
6. Any free-moving liquid in outer space will form itself into a sphere. (True – because of its surface tension)
7. Lightning strikes somewhere about 600 times per second on Earth. (False – 6,000 times per second!)
8. If you put a raisin in a glass of coke, it will keep floating to the top and sinking to the bottom. (True – although I’ve never tried it.)
9. A woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s heart. (True)
10. Our eyes always stay the same size from birth. (True – but our nose and ears never stop growing.)
TABLOID MATCH GAME
You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!
“Boy Fishing Catches __________!” (Scuba Diver)
In the Netherlands, a 13-year-old boy was fishing when he got the surprise catch of the day — a Dutch scuba diver! The boy’s hook snagged the diver in the lip and he had no choice but to grab the line and swim to the surface. A doctor managed to later free him from the hook.
THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY
The new minister arrived in a small Midwestern town to assume the duties of the church leader. Wanting to mail a letter, he asked a young boy where the post office was. When the boy told him, the minister thanked him and said, “If you’ll come to the Baptist church this evening, I’ll tell you how to get to Heaven.”
“I don’t think I’ll be there,” the boy said. “You don’t even know your way to the post office.”
Boss: You got your hair cut on company time.
Susie: It grew on company time.
Boss: Not all that hair.
Susie: I didn’t get it all cut.
My brother-in-law came home to an empty house one day and decided he would start dinner. First, he would make the salad. He searched high and low for the big bowl for making the salad and finally found it in the refrigerator, half full of Kool Aid.
“Who on earth put Kool Aid in a bowl?” He looked around and found some empty pop bottles, rinsed them out and using a funnel, transferred the Kool Aid to the pop bottles and returned them to the fridge. He then made the salad and started the rest of the dinner.
Later, my sister came home. She had been to the store and was putting some things in the fridge, when suddenly she asked her husband, “Who on earth put my Jello in pop bottles?”
Even though they discovered it in 2000, the science community is still excited about the discovery of water on the surface of Mars. Water would make it easier to colonize Mars since it can be used for drinking, turned into rocket fuel or converted into oxygen for breathing. ***MARLAR: Wait a minute. We can use water on Mars to make rocket fuel? So why are we paying a fortune for gas here on Earth – a planet made of water?
Food fight! Combine 113 tons of ripe tomatoes and 40,000 partying Spaniards and you have the recipe for a mega-mess. Tens of thousands of people had a blast the other day belting each other with tomatoes, during the annual summer ritual in the village of Bunol. It all got started in the 1940’s. Now, some people aren’t satisfied with just tossing the tomatoes, they tried hitting them with tennis rackets. After it was all over, the tons of tomato mush was hosed away by clean-up crews. ***MARLAR: Hosed away? What a waste! Add some noodles and you’ve got dinner!
YOUNG MAN’S DISORDER
A young man was visiting a psychiatrist, hoping to cure his eating and sleeping disorder.
“Every thought I have turns to my mother,” he told the psychiatrist. “As soon as I fall asleep and begin to dream, everyone in my dream turns into my mother. I wake up so upset that all I can do is go downstairs and eat a piece of toast.”
The psychiatrist replied, “What, just one piece of toast for a big boy like you?”
IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!
If you carry a purse, you are essentially toting a big bag of bacteria around with you everywhere you go. That’s the finding of a new UK study, which claims that women’s handbags hosted more bacteria than the average toilet flush. We should note that the research was conducted by a cleaning and “hygiene services” company called Initial., But your purse is still coated in germs – and that was confirmed by microbiologists not connected to the UK study as well. Charles Gerba, a University of Arizona microbiologist who has studied bacteria living on handbags, found that the bottoms of handbags were the nastiest, likely because women placed them on the bathroom floor.
Time is more valuable than money. You can get more money, but you cannot get more time.
You can (and should) say no. It’s best not to let your mouth overload your back.
Time is the best-kept secret of the rich.
You can learn to separate the majors and the minors. A lot of people don’t do well simply because they major in minor things.
It’s best not to mistake movement for achievement. It’s easy to get faked out by being busy. The question is: Busy doing what?
Days are expensive. When you spend a day you have one less day to spend, so you must spend each one wisely.
Sometimes you need to stay in touch but be out of reach.
Think about how you are spending your time. Can you make a few changes for the better? There is no one alive who can’t say no to that!
DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL
“If one part suffers, every part suffers with it” (1 Corinthians 12:26). Paul shows us that we are a body that is totally interrelated, not independent. No part of the body can continue to function normally when one part is in pain. The whole body focuses its attention on the pain. In the same way, Mordecai sent word to Esther not to think that just because she lived in the palace she should not be concerned about the death threat on the Jews (Esther 4:13). If she did not help, she would be destroyed as well! Our influences and gifts are given to us by God to help others for “such a time as this” (Esther 4:14). Let us take inventory of the positions, finances and grace of God in our lives and see whom those gifts were intended to help. If we keep them for ourselves and do not identify with those in need, we will cry for help one day and no one will respond. Because Esther was obedient, David’s psalm came true with Haman: “See how the evildoers lie fallen—thrown down, not able to rise!” (Psalm 36:12).
A woman says she was fired from her job at a Charlotte Wal-Mart just for being a Good Samaritan. .
..Charnese Spain said she was stocking shelves late one night when she noticed two blind women walk into the store after being dropped off by a cab. About 2 hours later, Spain said she was shocked to see the women were still at the store, sitting outside. Worried, she asked the girls if they were okay. They explained they were college students waiting to go back to school, but were having a difficult time getting a cab to come pick them up. When 2am rolled around and they were still there (3 hours after they came in), Charnese offered to drive them home. Her boss originally said no, but then said she could take the girls home as part of her “lunch hour”, but when she got back her boss fired her. He claims it’s because she didn’t punch out (which Charnese said she did). ***MARLAR: Sounds like Wal-Mart may need a price check on human decency.
LIFE… LIVE IT
VOICE OF TRUTH
Research has shown that women are attracted to men who have deeper voices…
…since they are perceived to be healthier and more masculine than those with higher voices. In addition, men are drawn to women whose voices are higher-pitched, since they perceive these females to be more attractive, subordinate, feminine, healthier and younger-sounding. ***Finally, hope for those of us who have a face for radio.
JUST FOR FUN
I’M STICK MAN!
Pretending to be a superhero is natural for kids – but one childcare center in Australia is saying superheroes are not allowed on the premises!
A number of child care centers in Melbourne, Australia, declared themselves “superhero-free zones” and banned kids from wearing superhero costumes. They say it makes kids aggressive, you get little gangs of Batmen and Supermen bullying weaker kids, and it discourages creativity because they want to be the same character every day. But parents are angry, and a child play expert from Monash University said there’s no evidence that wearing a Batman costume promotes violence and that kids can get aggressive just playing with a stick. ***MARLAR: Oh – and they’re not allowed to play with sticks anymore either.
DEEP THOUGHTS BY JACK HANDY… SORT OF
“Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy” was a favorite on the Saturday Night Live TV show. One example would be, “A day without sunshine is like night.” Well, a newspaper (don’t know which one) ran a contest where entrants, age 4 to 15, were asked to imitate “Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy.” Here they are:
When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he better have lost the nose hair and the old-man smell. –Age 5
I once heard the voice of God. It said “Vrrrrmmmmm.” Unless it was just a lawn mower. –Age 11
I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don’t have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life? –Age 15
Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any old yokel vote. –Age 10
Home is where the house is. –Age 6
Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number. –Age 15
Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. –Age 13
The only stupid question is the one that is never asked, except maybe “Isn’t is morally wrong to give me a warning when, in fact, I was speeding?” –Age 15
For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That’s what happens to cheese when you leave it out. –Age 6
MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…
Almost all kids will eventually try to pull a Ferris Bueller – playing sick to get out of school. So, how do you spot a faker when Internet pages are devoted to sharing faking tips?
You should be suspicious if your child claims to be sick every month or so. If your kid says a friend is sick, they could be setting you up for their illness. Before they spring the excuse, call the friend’s parent to find out if their kid is really sick. Also, find out from their teacher if a big assignment is due – they may want to avoid that day. Wait awhile after they complain about feeling sick before you take their temperature. This will cancel out any short-term spikes in temperature from hot liquids or warm coins under the tongue. Also stay in the room while the thermometer is in the child’s mouth. If they barf, don’t take their word for it. Make sure you see it so they don’t try the old condensed vegetable soup in the toilet trick. Finally, if you let them stay home, disconnect the cable, block the computer, and take away the iPod to cancel the fun factor.
OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP
How strong is your marriage? Do you have what it takes to thrive? Focus on the Family is offering a free Focus on Marriage Assessment and find out. The assessment evaluates the strengths of 12 essential traits in your marriage and helps identify areas in your relationship that are working well, as well as areas that could use improvement. Check out the free marriage assessment at http://ow.ly/cQTZ303f54w.
The Chronicles of Narnia films are getting a reboot. The new installment of the big-screen adaptations of the Chronicles of Narnia franchise might look a lot different from the early Disney-influenced films. The adaptations of C.S. Lewis’ classic fantasy novels first kicked off in 2005, with Disney version of The Lion, The Witch, And the Wardrobe and Prince Caspian. In 2010, Fox co-produced The Voyage of Dawn Treader. Now, TriStar studios is taking the reigns for The Silver Chair. Producers say the new movies will be a “brand-new franchise” with “different directors, and an entire new team.” http://relm.ag/VrZTBkH
20 years of mobile apps have completely changed the look of your desk. A recent video highlights the change from a desk top covered with everything from reference books and a rolodex to simply a computer and smart phone. Check out the video and see just how much has changed! http://twitter.com/ValaAfshar/status/715544871721902080/photo/1
China may be hostile to the Christian faith but that isn’t stopping Christian radio. Far East Broadcasting is one signal broadcasting into the communist country. According to the National Religious Broadcasters, in 2015 alone, the ministry received 900,000 letters from China in response to their Christian radio programming. Keep Far East Broadcasting in your prayers – they are doing mighty things for God through this antiquated thing called radio!
AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT
I believe that when you open a bag of chips, no matter what size it is, it is a “single serving.”
THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER
Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).
AUGUST 26, 2016…
Blood Father—Mel Gibson is back in action in this thriller about a man trying to rescue his kidnapped family. Other stars include Diego Luna, William H. Macy and Thomas Mann. “Blood Father” is rated R. No rating.
Don’t Breathe—When teens get restless, they sometimes get into trouble. Such is the premise of this film starring Jane Levy. A group decides to break into the house of a blind man, but meet with surprises. Also in the cast is Stephan Lang. “Don’t Breathe” is rated R. No rating.
Hands Of Stone—Edgar Ramirez takes on the role of the fighter Roberto Duran in this biopic. Robert De Niro is Duran’s coach. Fighting your way up the ranks is sometimes a brutal business. “Hands Of Stone” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans of the sport.
Mechanic: Resurrection–Can you keep a good movie title down? No, not when Jason Statham is involved. Here he is back in action and trying to rescue his girlfriend. Jessica Alba is also in the cast. “Mechanic: Resurrection” is rated R. Rating of 2 for fans.
The Hollars—John Krasinski (“The Office”) writes and directs this film about a man going to visit his family and finding they are still as dysfunctional as usual. The cast includes Sharito Copley, Anna Kendrick and Charlie Day. “The Hollars” is rated PG 13. No rating.
SEPTEMBER 02, 2016…
Equity (opening from an earlier date) stars Anna Gunn as a business woman fighting the Glass Ceiling.
The 9th Life Of Louis Drax is a thriller about a child who keeps having accidents and the doctor who tries to help him. Stars Jamie Dorman and Aiden Longworth.
The Light Between Oceans from M. L. Stedman’s novel, nas Michael Fassbinder as a man in Australia who adopts a baby he found.
Morgan is a science fiction film about making a decision to keep an artificial life form or not. Stars Kate Mara.
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