August 28, 2017: Monday ONAIRprep

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ODT: 20170828
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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

I may sound a little weird for a few minutes. I just took an Alka-Seltzer — without water.  It’s kind of freaky when you can hear your belly fizzing.

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

“The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge; my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” – Psalms 18:2

Trouble and distress have come upon me, but your commands are my delight. –Psalm 119:143

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. — Isaiah 26:3

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him. — John 6:66

Thought: This verse haunts me. Not just because of the three numbers in the reference, but because it is a great reminder that many folks simply gave up following Jesus when things became hard to understand. When he shattered their preconceived notions of religious things, when he confronted them about their motives, they went away. What will I do when things get difficult in my discipleship and I can’t figure out all the answers to what is going on? I hope, I pray, I trust that I will follow until the way and the will of the Lord become more clear!

Prayer: Awesome God, I confess openly that I cannot begin to understand all the complexities of your will and the way you work in our world. But Father, when I’m confused, please bring people into my life who will help me hang on to my faith until the confusion passes. And today, dear Father, please use me to help bless someone who is struggling with his or her faith. In Jesus’ name I ask it. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

Romans 8:28 NIV = And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

TODAY IS MONDAY – AUGUST 28, 2017

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
118 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is RACE YOUR MOUSE AROUND THE ICONS DAY, something to do while waiting for files to load.

Today is WORLD SAUNTERING DAY. ***I’m more of a meandering kind of guy, myself. Can I saunter around the icons instead?

RADIO COMMERCIAL DAY. The first radio commercial was broadcast on New York City’s WEAF. The Queensboro Realty Company paid $100 for 10 minutes of air time. ***Ten minutes… for one commercial! Of course, nowadays you have sixty-second commercials… but radio stations like to play ten of them in a row (well, every station except ours, of course)!

Today is DREAM DAY, marking Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I Have a Dream” speech on this date in 1963. (audio clip)

TODAY IS ALSO…

National Bow Tie Day
Pony Express Day
Race Your Mouse Around the Icons Day
Radio Commercials Day
Crackers Over The Keyboard Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)

TUESDAY, AUGUST 29

According to Hoyle Day
Individual Rights Day
International Day Against Nuclear Tests
More Herbs, Less Salt Day
National Sarcoidosis Day
National Whiskey Sour Day

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 30

International Cabernet Sauvignon Day
International Day of The Victims of Enforced Disappearances
International Whale Shark Day
National Grief Awareness Day
National Holistic Pet Day
National Toasted Marshmallow Day

Tug-of-War Day

THURSDAY, AUGUST 31

International Overdose Awareness Day
Love Litigating Lawyers Day
National Diatomaceous Earth Day
National Matchmaker Day

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 01

Bring Your Manners To Work Day
Building and Code Staff Appreciation Day
Calendar Adjustment Day
Chicken Boy’s Day
Eid-Al-Adha
Emma M. Nutt Day
International Day of Awareness for the Dolphins of Taiji
National College Colors Day
National Lazy Mom’s Day
National No Rhyme (Nor Reason) Day
Random Acts of Kindness Day or Be Kind Day
Save Japan’s Dolphins Day
Toy Tips Executive Toy Test Day

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 02

Bacon Day
Bison-ten Yell Day
Cow Chip Throwing days
Franchise Appreciation Day
National Buffalo Chicken Wings Days
National No Patrick Day
National Tailgating Day
National Writing Date Day
V-J Day
World Beard Day

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 03

Bowling League Day

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 04

Labor Day
Great Bathtub Race
National Wildlife Day
Newspaper Carrier Day

ON THIS DAY

1837: Pharmacists John Lea and William Perrins of Worcester, England, begin manufacturing their Worcester Sauce.

1883: Slavery was banned by the British Parliament throughout the British Empire.

1907: Seattle teenagers Claude Ryan and Jim Casey started a local delivery service called the American Messenger Company. Later, the name was changed to United Parcel Service: UPS.

1909: Washington rookie southpaw Dolly Gray walked a major-league record seven straight batters.

1922: The first radio commercial was broadcast on New York City’s WEAF. The Queensboro Realty Company paid $100 for 10 minutes of air time.

1962: Comic Gracie Allen died at age 62. Mrs. George Burns uttered thousands of wonderfully silly things like, “You buttered your bread, now lie in it.”

1963: Some 200,000 people participated in a peaceful civil rights “Freedom March” in Washington, where the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. delivered his “I Have a Dream” speech from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. Peter, Paul & Mary sang “Blowin’ in the Wind.”

1964: The Beatles appeared on the cover of Life magazine.

1965: Folk singer Bob Dylan was booed off the stage at Forest Hills Stadium in New York for playing an electric guitar.

1986: Rock singer Tina Turner became star #1831 on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

1989: Walt Disney Productions bought the Muppets for $100-million.

1995: Chase Manhattan and Chemical Banking announced a $10 billion-dollar deal to create America’s largest bank.

1996: In a London basement at 10:27 a.m. a legal clerk issued the divorce decree ending the 15-year marriage of the Prince and Princess of Wales. Charles and Diana were 500 miles apart. The court action cost $31.00.

1999: Three crewmen aboard the Mir space station returned safely to Earth after bidding farewell to the 13-year-old Russian orbiter.

1999: After an unarmed man robbed a bank in Hermiston, Oregon, he climbed into the trunk of his getaway car two blocks away to change clothes and accidentally locked himself inside. When he yelled for help, a policeman investigating the robbery came to his rescue and arrested him.

2004: The U.S. men’s basketball team won the bronze, the 100th U.S. medal of the Athens Summer Olympic Games. Secretary of State Colin Powell canceled plans to attend closing ceremonies after protests against U.S. foreign policy.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

430: As Vandals invade Roman North Africa and overwhelm Hippo refugees, Augustine dies of a fever. Miraculously, his writings, including City of God survived the Vandal takeover, and his theology became one of the main pillars on which the church of the next 1,000 years was built.

1828: Leo Tolstoy, Russian novelist and social reformer, is born. Though the Russian Orthodox Church excommunicated him in 1901, his later works emphasized Christian love and the teachings of Jesus.

1840: Ira D. Sankey, who for 25 years led the music when D.L. Moody preached, is born in Pennsylvania.

1862: Moody marries. His wife gets him to bathe and teaches him the social graces he lacks.

1928: Ordination of W. A. Criswell as a Baptist. He became a popular minister.

1953: Campus Crusade for Christ is incorporated.

BIRTHDAY RAP-UP

  • actor (“Beverly Hills 90210”) Jason Priestley 49 (audio clip)

  • actress (Holly Sutton Scorpio on “General Hospital”, Fallon Carrington Colby on “Dynasty”) Emma Samms 57 (audio clip)

  • skater Scott Hamilton 59

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1925 : Donald O’Connor

1925 : Billy Grammer

1931 : Clem Cattini (The Tornadoes)

1937 : John Perkins (The Crew Cuts)

1943 : Anne “Honey” Lantree (The Honeycombs)

1943 : David Soul

1946 : Ken Andrew (Middle Of The Road)

1948 : Danny Seraphine (Chicago)

1949 : Martin Lamble (Fairport Convention)

1951 : Wayne Osmond (The Osmonds)

1952 : Dave Hlubek (Molly Hatchet)

1965 : Shania Twain

1982 : LeAnn Rimes

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)

Like, what part of speech is “like” when used like this? Like, you know? We’ll, like, talk about “like” coming up in, like, a few minutes.  So, like, stick around.

Why is it that “valley people” always, like, toss the word “like” into, like, the middle of a sentence? Lexicographer David Grambs dismisses it as “a stalling tactic for the syntactically challenged,” a barbaric “hiccup vocable” that might have sprung from “a California beach cave” or a “brain softener in our reservoirs.” He is soooo, like, hostile! So he’s, like, saying that it’s a way to, like, pause and think about what you’re, like, trying to, like, say. 

NEWS KICKERS

(None on weekends. Want a customizable version with your specific station tag, FREE? Email me for more information! )

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

(Not posted on weekends.)

What comes to mind when you think of back-to-school prep? Stocking up on notebooks and pencils? A trip to the mall for the latest sneakers? How about watching hours of content on YouTube? For Gen Z, the video platform has become an integral part of the yearly late-summer ritual, providing product suggestions, style inspiration, and DIY ideas. The most popular content of Middle school students is hairstyles, makeup and pranks. High School students look most at advice, sites, life hacks and skits. And college students are surfing most for advice and tech products.  ***Do they make a Cliff’s Notes version of YouTube?

A woman in Germany called police to report what she thought was a bare-chested man with two big white dots on his forehead staring into her window. The man tuned out to be an emu which had escaped from a local zoo. ***I can only assume men look a lot different in Germany.

Long drives and short fuses do not mix. A recent study shows that the average couple can last only 22 minutes into a road trip before they get into their first argument. That means most couples start bickering not long after they leave their driveway. The most common cause of car crankiness is clashes over directions, with 44 percent of the respondents to this recent survey admitting they fought over which way to go. It seems much of the stress of driving is caused by our own partner when we are behind the wheel.  ***Which is exactly why, each Sunday before heading to church, and lock my wife in the trunk.

Hundreds of pastors from Richmond, Virginia have signed a new statement of unity, rejecting the ideology of white supremacy and affirming that every human being is created in the image of God. According to CBN, The metro Richmond pastors and ministry leaders who signed the statement repented for any role the church has played in the sins of racism and resolved to preach, teach, and advocate against it.  ***But then someone mentioned that Jesus wasn’t white and a fistfight broke out.

Your puppy may have a better understanding of language than you think. Researchers in Budapest used fMRI to monitor 13 dogs while they listened to human speech. The scientists discovered that the animals processed both the meaning of words and the tone in which the words were spoken, using similar areas of the brain that humans do.  ***So your chewed up slippers may not be because he is a bad dog, but because his feeling were hurt when you said “bad dog.”

The nation’s largest atheist organization, Freedom From Religion, is demanding that Senator Marco Rubio, a Republican from Florida, stop tweeting Bible verses from his Twitter account, telling him that doing so is a violation of the United States Constitution.  ***Uh… no, it’s not.  It’s interesting that a group who is always screaming for freedom of speech when they want to say something, don’t believe in free speech for people that stuff they don’t agree with.  Then again, this is America, so you also have the right to be a hypocrite.

A new study reports that older women are doing more and more binge drinking.  ***Usually after seeing the selection of older men available to them.

In England, a farmer thanked firefighters who rescued a litter of piglets and two sows from a barn fire in February by giving them sausages made out of the animals.  ***Wow – good thing they didn’t have to save his kids from the fire!

A study says every droid in the workforce will cost six humans their jobs.  ***Plus they don’t picket for $15 per hour.  In fact, they don’t get paid at all – and are perfectly happy about it.

On September 9th in Austin, Texas, they’re going to have a clown-only showing of the new movie, “It”, based on the Stephen King novel.  ***Because just being a Stephen King movie isn’t disturbing enough.

A guy in New Zealand was robbed of everything in his pockets by two men with a garden rake.  ***So once you anti-2nd amendment folks get the guns banned, you’ll next have to work on banning garden utensils.

Sears says it’s going to close another 28 K-Mart stores.  ***If you see a blue light special, it might be a sale on buying the entire store.

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

(Not posted on weekends.)

Studies suggest that the children of older fathers have lower IQs generally than those who had younger fathers.  ***Which makes you wonder how old (Shia LaBeouf’s) dad is right now.

Relaxation has been found to cause stress in some people.   It seems like an oxymoron but researchers at the University of Cincinnati found that so-called relaxing activities such as deep breathing and yoga can increase stress and anxiety in people.   Psychologists have known that some people get stressed at the thought of relaxation.  ***Fortunately, stressful news like this tends to relax them.

With over two-thirds of Americans and more than half of Canadians overweight, makers of bathroom scales are having to ratchet up the high end of their scales’ capacity. The industry standard limit was 270 to 300 pounds, but Health-O-Meter has introduced scales with a top limit of 330 to 400 pounds. A spokesman said, “400 seemed a reasonable number,” but if consumers need a higher capacity, “we have the technology to do it.”  ***Why bother?  When you reach 400 pounds, there ain’t no way you’re see through your gut to see the numbers on the scale anyway.

According to Elle Magazine, plastic surgeons are seeing an increase in requests for “hand lifts.” A trend that many reports claim is directly related to the desire for better looking hands in engagement ring photos.  ***We now live in a world where the surgery to look good with your engagement ring now costs more than the engagement ring itself.

A study of Rock artists finds they are two to three times more likely to suffer a premature death than members of the general population. According to the study, Rock stars are at a disproportionate risk of alcohol- and drug-related deaths.  ***The exception is any rock star whose name happens to be Keith Richards.

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Millard the Monkey was frustrated and angry because, after spending so many long hours creating a great classical piece of music, he found Gruffy Bear listening to the very same song… composed by Millard’s arch nemesis, Mozart!

CLOSE: Boy, that Steve Mozart really is quite a guy! What could Millard possibly come up with to show up such an obviously talented person? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

Just because you’re told that you are an instant winner doesn’t necessarily mean you really are one!

Luck was not on the side of New Zealand’s Amy Adams after the local Mad Butcher shop put up her picture announcing she was their ‘Lucky Shopper’ and the winner of a prize. As fate would have it the shop got Amy’s picture from the tape of a surveillance camera, which had captured her in the act of shoplifting. Despite that, Amy dropped in to collect the prize, which turned out to be handcuffs.

TOP TEN

TOP TEN THINGS NOT TO SAY ON YOUR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

10. I stopped caring about anniversaries when you stopped caring about cooking.

9. Today is our what?

8. Okay, let’s celebrate, but do we have to celebrate together?

7. I thought we only celebrated important events?

6. You can celebrate anniversaries with your next husband.

5. You don’t like what I pick out, so I thought why bother.

4. I got you a present worth a dollar for every time you were nice to me this year. Here’s a $5 gift certificate for McDonald’s.

3. If you want me to pretend like I care about our anniversary, I will.

2. You want to go out to dinner? Okay, okay, I’ll take you to Pizza Hut if it’ll shut ya up.

1. I thought you only had to celebrate anniversaries while you were still in love.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Giving children the tools for education lands a mom behind bars!

FILE #1: A Connecticut mother was arrested after she gave her two sons a hammer and a screwdriver to protect themselves from bullies at school. Debora Smith was arrested and charged with risking injury to a minor. Police said they received a complaint from Wolfpit Elementary School that two children were carrying weapons to school that were given to them by their mother. The brothers, aged 5 and 7, were suspended after the tools were found in their backpacks.  ***MARLAR: In a related story, teacher Bob Reynolds is being charged with “Contributing to the Delinquency of a Minor” in Shop Class.

FILE #2: Here’s a helpful tip. If you’re going to put your truck up for sale on Craigslist, and a potential buyer says he wants to take it out for a test drive, just saying, “Don’t steal it,” isn’t enough. In Council Bluffs, Iowa, Eric Elam put his 2005 Ford F-150 truck up for sale on Craigslist. A clean-cut looking man showed up to buy the truck but first wanted to take the truck for a quick test drive around the block. Elam told the guy, “Don’t steal it.” Amazingly that didn’t work and Elam never saw the man or the truck again. Police are searching for the vehicle but doubt they’ll ever find it.

FILE #3: It took one Chinese man five years to steal a motorcycle as he did it part by part from the factory where he worked. The man, identified only as Zhang, was an assembly line worker in a motorcycle factory in Chongqing and started stealing parts from the factory warehouse and assembling them at home in 2003. So after five years, he had finally built himself a brand new motorcycle and proudly started driving it on the road. But almost immediately he was stopped by police who discovered that he had no driver’s license or paperwork for the bike. Zhang then confessed to the crime and was fined $600 bucks, put on probation for a year, and ordered to return the motorcycle to the factory.

STRANGE LAW: In San Francisco it’s against the law to walk an elephant on Market Street unless it’s on a leash.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.

Growing your own stuff in the garden is a great way to beat the high prices – but it’s not always the best way to go, particularly if what you’re growing will get you busted.

A Texas man decided to grow his own to beat high prices. But it wasn’t lettuce or tomatoes in his garden. Deputies charge John Daniel Miller III was growing pot. Tyler County deputies say a tip led them to Miller’s rural property, where they seized more than 70 pot plants. Authorities put the value of the illegal weed at about $100,000. Sheriff’s Sergeant Randy Meadows tells the Tyler Morning-Telegraph that Miller said he was trying save money by growing his own.

PHONER PHUN

Family Circle reports on back to school:

  • Half of all parents of K-12 students have had an argument with their kids over homework in the last year that involved yelling or tears; a third said such meltdowns occurred repeatedly.

  • Many parents feel they’re being held responsible for their kids’ education, instead of teachers and schools and they resent it.

  • The amount of time kids spend reading for fun declines sharply after age 8. The number one reason given by parents is too much homework.

  • All those long homework assignments are exhausting, especially for middle and high schoolers: 22% of teens say they’re so tired they fall asleep while studying, and 28% say they nod off in the classroom.

What do you and your kids argue about when it comes to school?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Daniel had a dream about four beasts. The first was like what animal?

ANSWER:  Lion (Daniel 7:4)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: Of the 206 bones in the human body, how many are in the feet?

ANSWER: 52 (26 per foot)

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. The right lung takes in more air than the left. (True)

2. It takes 34 muscles to frown. (False – 43)

3. It takes 37 muscles to smile. (False – only 17)

4. One 75-watt light bulb gives off more light than three 25-watt light bulbs. (True)

5. For 186 days of the year you cannot see the sun in the North Pole. (True)

6. Any free-moving liquid in outer space will form itself into a sphere. (True – because of its surface tension)

7. Lightning strikes somewhere about 600 times per second on Earth. (False – 6,000 times per second!)

8. If you put a raisin in a glass of coke, it will keep floating to the top and sinking to the bottom. (True – although I’ve never tried it.)

9. A woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s heart. (True)

10. Our eyes always stay the same size from birth. (True – but our nose and ears never stop growing.)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

“Boy Fishing Catches __________!” (Scuba Diver)

In the Netherlands, a 13-year-old boy was fishing when he got the surprise catch of the day — a Dutch scuba diver! The boy’s hook snagged the diver in the lip and he had no choice but to grab the line and swim to the surface. A doctor managed to later free him from the hook.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

The new minister arrived in a small Midwestern town to assume the duties of the church leader. Wanting to mail a letter, he asked a young boy where the post office was. When the boy told him, the minister thanked him and said, “If you’ll come to the Baptist church this evening, I’ll tell you how to get to Heaven.”

“I don’t think I’ll be there,” the boy said. “You don’t even know your way to the post office.”

JOKE #2

Boss: You got your hair cut on company time.

Susie: It grew on company time.

Boss: Not all that hair.

Susie: I didn’t get it all cut.

JOKE #3

My brother-in-law came home to an empty house one day and decided he would start dinner. First, he would make the salad. He searched high and low for the big bowl for making the salad and finally found it in the refrigerator, half full of Kool Aid.

“Who on earth put Kool Aid in a bowl?” He looked around and found some empty pop bottles, rinsed them out and using a funnel, transferred the Kool Aid to the pop bottles and returned them to the fridge. He then made the salad and started the rest of the dinner.

Later, my sister came home. She had been to the store and was putting some things in the fridge, when suddenly she asked her husband, “Who on earth put my Jello in pop bottles?”

USELESS FACTS

Even though they discovered it in 2000, the science community is still excited about the discovery of water on the surface of Mars. Water would make it easier to colonize Mars since it can be used for drinking, turned into rocket fuel or converted into oxygen for breathing.  ***Wait a minute.  We can use water on Mars to make rocket fuel?  So why are we paying a fortune for gas here on Earth – a planet made of water?

Food fight! Combine 113 tons of ripe tomatoes and 40,000 partying Spaniards and you have the recipe for a mega-mess. Tens of thousands of people had a blast the other day belting each other with tomatoes, during the annual summer ritual in the village of Bunol. It all got started in the 1940’s. Now, some people aren’t satisfied with just tossing the tomatoes, they tried hitting them with tennis rackets. After it was all over, the tons of tomato mush was hosed away by clean-up crews. ***Hosed away? What a waste! Add some noodles and you’ve got dinner!

FEATURED FUNNIES

YOUNG MAN’S DISORDER

A young man was visiting a psychiatrist, hoping to cure his eating and sleeping disorder.
“Every thought I have turns to my mother,” he told the psychiatrist. “As soon as I fall asleep and begin to dream, everyone in my dream turns into my mother. I wake up so upset that all I can do is go downstairs and eat a piece of toast.”

The psychiatrist replied, “What, just one piece of toast for a big boy like you?”

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

If you carry a purse, you are essentially toting a big bag of bacteria around with you everywhere you go. That’s the finding of a new UK study, which claims that women’s handbags hosted more bacteria than the average toilet flush.  We should note that the research was conducted by a cleaning and “hygiene services” company called Initial., But your purse is still coated in germs – and that was confirmed by microbiologists not connected to the UK study as well.  Charles Gerba, a University of Arizona microbiologist who has studied bacteria living on handbags, found that the bottoms of handbags were the nastiest, likely because women placed them on the bathroom floor.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

Time is more valuable than money. You can get more money, but you cannot get more time.

You can (and should) say no. It’s best not to let your mouth overload your back.

Time is the best-kept secret of the rich.

You can learn to separate the majors and the minors. A lot of people don’t do well simply because they major in minor things.

It’s best not to mistake movement for achievement. It’s easy to get faked out by being busy. The question is: Busy doing what?

Days are expensive. When you spend a day you have one less day to spend, so you must spend each one wisely.

Sometimes you need to stay in touch but be out of reach.

Think about how you are spending your time. Can you make a few changes for the better? There is no one alive who can’t say no to that!

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

“If one part suffers, every part suffers with it” (1 Corinthians 12:26). Paul shows us that we are a body that is totally interrelated, not independent. No part of the body can continue to function normally when one part is in pain. The whole body focuses its attention on the pain. In the same way, Mordecai sent word to Esther not to think that just because she lived in the palace she should not be concerned about the death threat on the Jews (Esther 4:13). If she did not help, she would be destroyed as well! Our influences and gifts are given to us by God to help others for “such a time as this” (Esther 4:14). Let us take inventory of the positions, finances and grace of God in our lives and see whom those gifts were intended to help. If we keep them for ourselves and do not identify with those in need, we will cry for help one day and no one will respond. Because Esther was obedient, David’s psalm came true with Haman: “See how the evildoers lie fallen—thrown down, not able to rise!” (Psalm 36:12).

LEFTOVERS

BLIND SPOT

A woman says she was fired from her job at a Charlotte Wal-Mart just for being a Good Samaritan. .

..Charnese Spain said she was stocking shelves late one night when she noticed two blind women walk into the store after being dropped off by a cab. About 2 hours later, Spain said she was shocked to see the women were still at the store, sitting outside. Worried, she asked the girls if they were okay. They explained they were college students waiting to go back to school, but were having a difficult time getting a cab to come pick them up. When 2am rolled around and they were still there (3 hours after they came in), Charnese offered to drive them home. Her boss originally said no, but then said she could take the girls home as part of her “lunch hour”, but when she got back her boss fired her. He claims it’s because she didn’t punch out (which Charnese said she did).  ***MARLAR: Sounds like Wal-Mart may need a price check on human decency.

LIFE… LIVE IT

VOICE OF TRUTH

Research has shown that women are attracted to men who have deeper voices…

…since they are perceived to be healthier and more masculine than those with higher voices. In addition, men are drawn to women whose voices are higher-pitched, since they perceive these females to be more attractive, subordinate, feminine, healthier and younger-sounding.  ***Finally, hope for those of us who have a face for radio.

JUST FOR FUN

I’M STICK MAN!

Pretending to be a superhero is natural for kids – but one childcare center in Australia is saying superheroes are not allowed on the premises! 

A number of child care centers in Melbourne, Australia, declared themselves “superhero-free zones” and banned kids from wearing superhero costumes. They say it makes kids aggressive, you get little gangs of Batmen and Supermen bullying weaker kids, and it discourages creativity because they want to be the same character every day. But parents are angry, and a child play expert from Monash University said there’s no evidence that wearing a Batman costume promotes violence and that kids can get aggressive just playing with a stick.  ***MARLAR: Oh – and they’re not allowed to play with sticks anymore either.

FUN LIST

DEEP THOUGHTS BY JACK HANDY… SORT OF

“Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy” was a favorite on the Saturday Night Live TV show. One example would be, “A day without sunshine is like night.” Well, a newspaper (don’t know which one) ran a contest where entrants, age 4 to 15, were asked to imitate “Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy.” Here they are:

  • When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he better have lost the nose hair and the old-man smell. –Age 5

  • I once heard the voice of God. It said “Vrrrrmmmmm.” Unless it was just a lawn mower. –Age 11

  • I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don’t have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life? –Age 15

  • Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any old yokel vote. –Age 10

  • Home is where the house is. –Age 6

  • Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number. –Age 15

  • Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. –Age 13

  • The only stupid question is the one that is never asked, except maybe “Isn’t is morally wrong to give me a warning when, in fact, I was speeding?” –Age 15

  • For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That’s what happens to cheese when you leave it out. –Age 6

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

SAVE FERRIS

Almost all kids will eventually try to pull a Ferris Bueller – playing sick to get out of school. So, how do you spot a faker when Internet pages are devoted to sharing faking tips?

You should be suspicious if your child claims to be sick every month or so. If your kid says a friend is sick, they could be setting you up for their illness. Before they spring the excuse, call the friend’s parent to find out if their kid is really sick. Also, find out from their teacher if a big assignment is due – they may want to avoid that day. Wait awhile after they complain about feeling sick before you take their temperature. This will cancel out any short-term spikes in temperature from hot liquids or warm coins under the tongue. Also stay in the room while the thermometer is in the child’s mouth. If they barf, don’t take their word for it. Make sure you see it so they don’t try the old condensed vegetable soup in the toilet trick. Finally, if you let them stay home, disconnect the cable, block the computer, and take away the iPod to cancel the fun factor.

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(Not posted on weekends.)

Most burglars are opportunistic, so don’t give them a reason to choose your place. And don’t assume that only ritzy homes get nailed. Crooks tend to target neighborhoods that are either similar to or not as nice as their own, according to research in the Journal of Research in Crime and Delinquency. You don’t need fancy antitheft devices, but an alarm alone isn’t enough, according to U.K. research. Install external and indoor lights on timer/sensor switches, lock your windows, and double-lock or deadbolt your door. Then do a trial break-in, suggests Chris McGoey, a security consultant based in Los Angeles. Grab a friend and attempt to burglarize your own home. Seriously. You’ll see where the vulnerable spots are and if your home is attractive to thieves. (Men’s Health)

Clearly we want summer to last as long as possible, which will probably involve wearing flip flops well into the chilly days of autumn. But one place where we should think twice about going open-toed and backless? The car. According to a recent survey from the U.K., our favorite summer footwear could be responsible for 1.4 million automobile accidents a year — which is totally not OK. This insane-sounding number is extrapolated out from the responses of 1,055 British motorists for a study conducted this summer by the insurance company Sheilas’ Wheels. When asked about their shoes’ impact on driving, almost 60% said they often drive in footwear that’s unsuitable for driving, and 20% continue to drive in shoes they’ve nearly had an accident in. The biggest culprit? Flip flops, which a third of drivers admitted to driving in in the poll. And what’s more, 27 percent of people admitted that the flimsy sandals had caused a driving mishap — and 7% blaming them for a near miss or an actual accident. (Self)

A new study found that most Americans believe the Bible is divinely inspired, but fewer than ever are taking its word literally. According to the study, 26 percent believe the Bible’s best description is that it is a “book of fables, legends, history and more precepts recorded by man.” Only 24 percent believe that the Bible is the “actual word of God” and is to be taken literally, “word for word.”  http://dlvr.it/P9Wcn8

Need a lift? Have a stick of gum. A study in the journal Appetite found that students did better on a test when they chewed gum beforehand. Researchers gave cognitive tasks to study participants who chewed gum before or throughout the test, and their performance was compared with the results of people who did not chew gum at all. Those who chewed for five minutes before testing showed multiple advantages, which lasted for only the first 15 to 20 minutes of the testing. The researchers said chewing gum may increase heart rate and cerebral blood flow for up to 20 minutes afterward.

What is decision fatigue, and how do you work around it? Psychological research suggests that the least productive time of day is the mid-afternoon, right around 3pm. Conversely, the most productive time to work is within the first two hours after you wake up. Because just like your body, your brain gets tired. Psychologists call it decision fatigue. Making decisions uses the very same willpower that you use to say no to doughnuts, drugs, or illicit sex,” says Roy F. Baumeister, a psychologist who studies decision fatigue and the co-author of “Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength.” When you make a decision — or avoid a temptation — you’re using up the supply of mental energy you have for a day, in the same way that you can only lift a weight so many times before your muscles give up on you. For this reason, leaders like Barack Obama and Mark Zuckerberg wear the same thing to work every day, since it removes their need to make a decision about how they’re going to dress. 

BELOIT COLLEGE MINDSET LIST FOR THE CLASS OF 2021
This is always fun. Beloit College has released their annual Mindset List for the Class of 2021. The list aims to show how times have changed over the years by giving some interesting cultural perspective to each graduating class. So, if you’re graduating from college in 2021: 

  1. Their classmates could include Eddie Murphy’s Zola and Mel Gibson’s Tommy, or Jackie Evancho singing down the hall. 

  2. They are the last class to be born in the 1900s, the last of the Millennials — enter next year, on cue, Generation Z! 

  3. They are the first generation for whom a “phone” has been primarily a video game, direction finder, electronic telegraph, and research library. 

  4. Electronic signatures have always been as legally binding as the pen-on-paper kind. 

  5. In college, they will often think of themselves as consumers, who’ve borrowed a lot of money to be there. 

  6. eHarmony has always offered an algorithm for happiness. 

  7. Peanuts comic strips have always been repeats. 

  8. They have largely grown up in a floppy-less world. 

  9. They have never found Mutual Broadcasting or Westinghouse Group W on the radio dial, but XM has always offered radio programming for a fee. 

  10. There have always been emojis to cheer us up. 

  11. The Panama Canal has always belonged to Panama and Macau has been part of China. 

  12. It is doubtful that they have ever used or heard the high-pitched whine of a dial-up modem. 

  13. They were never able to use a Montgomery Ward catalogue as a booster seat. 

  14. Donald Trump has always been a political figure, as a Democrat, an Independent, and a Republican. 

  15. Zappos has always meant shoes on the Internet. 

  16. They are the first generation to grow up with Watson outperforming Sherlock. 

  17. Amazon has always invited consumers to follow the arrow from A to Z. 

  18. Their folks have always been able to get reward points by paying their taxes to the IRS on plastic. 

  19. In their lifetimes, Blackberry has gone from being a wild fruit to being a communications device to becoming a wild fruit again. 

  20. They have always been searching for Pokemon. 

  21. They may choose to submit a listicle in lieu of an admissions essay. 

  22. Dora the Explorer and her pet monkey Boots helped to set them on the course of discovery. 

  23. The seat of Germany’s government has always been back in Berlin. 

  24. Jet Blue has always been a favorite travel option but the Concorde has been permanently grounded. 

  25. By the time they entered school, laptops were outselling desktops. 

  26. There has never been a Coliseum in New York, but there has always been a London Eye on the Thames. 

  27. Once on campus, they will find that college syllabi, replete with policies about disability, non-discrimination, and learning goals, might be longer than some of their reading assignments. 

  28. As toddlers they may have dined on some of that canned food hoarded in case of Y2K. 

  29. An ophthalmologist named Bashar al-Assad has always provided vision for the Syrian military. 

  30. Whatever the subject, there’s always been a blog for it. 

  31. U.S. Supreme Court decisions have always been available at its website. 

  32. Globalization has always been both a powerful fact of life and a source of incessant protest. 

  33. One out of four major league baseball players has always been born outside the United States. 

  34. Carl Sagan has always had his own crater on Mars. 

  35. A movie scene longer than two minutes has always seemed like an eternity. 

  36. The Latin music industry has always had its own Grammy Awards. 

  37. Ketchup has always come in green. 

  38. They have only seen a Checker Cab in a museum. 

  39. Men have always shared a romantic smooch on television. 

  40. They never got to see Jimmy Kimmel and Ben Stein co-host a quiz show or Dennis Miller provide commentary for the NFL. 

  41. As toddlers, they may have taught their grandparents how to Skype. 

  42. The image of Sacagawea has always adorned the dollar coin, if you can find one. 

  43. Having another child has always been a way to secure matching tissue to heal an older sibling. 

  44. There have always been Latino players on the ice in the NHL. 

  45. Napster has always been evolving. 

  46. Nolan Ryan has always worn his Texas Rangers cap in Cooperstown, while Steve Young and Dan Marino have always been watching football from the sidelines. 

  47. The BBC has always had a network in the U.S. where they speak American. 

  48. There has never been a sanctioned Texas A&M bonfire. 

  49. There has always been a Monster in their corner when looking for a job. 

  50. Wikipedia has steadily gained acceptance by their teachers. 

  51. Justin Timberlake has always been a solo act. 

  52. U.S. professional baseball teams have always played in Cuba. 

  53. Barbie and American Girl have always been sisters at Mattel. 

  54. Family Guy is the successor to the Father Knows Best they never knew. 

  55. Motorola and Nokia have always been incredibly shrinking giants. 

  56. Melissa has always been too nice a name to be attached to a computer macro virus. 

  57. The Mars Polar Lander has always been lost. 

  58. Women have always scaled both sides of Everest and rowed across the Atlantic. 

  59. Bill Clinton has always been Hillary Clinton’s aging husband. 

  60. Paleontologists have always imagined dinosaurs with colorful plumage. 

(Global News)

SOUL-GLO

(Only posted as stories come available. Not posted on weekends.)

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Only posted as stories come available. Not posted on weekends.)

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I believe that when you open a bag of chips, no matter what size it is, it is a “single serving.”

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

AUGUST 25, 2017…

Leap!— is an animated music film (also titled “Ballerina”) about a little girl who wants to be a dancer. These films come along from time to time, but this one includes not one, but two creative people who are friends. There is Felicie (voice of Elle Fanning) as the little girl and her inventive friend, Victor (voice of Nat Wolff) and they both live in a home for orphans. Away they go to Paris to make better lives for themselves. Felicie soon learns it isn’t easy to beat the competition in dance class, and Victor has problems, too. Felicie meets jealousy in school (Camille and voice of Maddie Ziegler) because she doesn’t have the proper background. Well, there is always an extra friend, and here it is the school clean-up person (voice of Carly Rae Jepson) who has an idea. You may recognize another voice,  Kate McKinnon as Camille’s mother, who looks down on just about everyone. Will talent triumph? What do you think? “Leap!” is rated PG, with music by Klaus Badelt. Rating of 2 for dance fans.

Brigsby Bear— Sometimes parents do something unusual to entertain their children. Such is the case of James (Kyle Mooney) whose parents created a fictional “Brigsby Bear” cartoon using items at hand. James grows up and the cartoon is over…or is it? Creativity takes a step forward. Also in the cast are Claire Danes, Greg Kinnear and Mark Hamill. “Brigsby Bear” is rated PG. .

SEPTEMBER 01, 2017…

I Do…Until I Don’t is a study of marriage starring Lake Bell.

Unlocked is a thriller with Noomi Rapace and about the CIA.

Viceroy’s House stars Gillian Anderson in a history drama about India in the mid-1940’s.

Goon: Last Of The Enforcers has Seann William Scott reprising his role in this active hockey film. The first film of several years ago, “Goon,” is worth seeing again.

Close Encounters Of The Third Kind is a re-release of this fan-favorite film of space aliens visiting Earth. Stars Richard Dreyfuss. Who doesn’t remember what happened on that starry, starry night…

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