August 30, 2017: Wednesday ONAIRprep

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ODT: 20170830
PDF: 20170830

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WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

Welcome to (THE JOCK SHOW)… part of a government study on disc jockey behavior in the 21st century. It is brought to you jointly by the Department of Mental Health and the Department of Waste Management.

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.  –James 4:10

This is what the Lord says, … “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.” — Isaiah 43:16,18-19

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. — Psalm 46:1

Like the coolness of snow at harvest time is a trustworthy messenger to those who send him; he refreshes the spirit of his masters. — Proverbs 25:13

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

(From VerseOfTheDay.com)

A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly. — Proverbs 14:29

Thought: Responding quickly to aggravation, threat, insult, or difficulty suggests strength to many folks today. However, responding hastily out of anger is foolish. This response seldom produces the desired long term effect and nearly always compounds the problems that need to be addressed. Patiently dealing with frustrating and painful situations shows understanding and is nearly always more fruitful in the long run.

Prayer: Father, I ask for patience and self-control. I know these virtues are part of the fruit of your Spirit’s presence in my life, so I ask that the Holy Spirit have more impact on my heart and life. Please give me the understanding and wisdom to keep my mouth shut until I have had an opportunity to pray and think about the issues and people involved. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today’s Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@heartlight.org.

BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY (The chapter and verse correspond to the month and day!)

Romans 8:30 NIV = And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

TODAY IS WEDNESDAY – AUGUST 30, 2017

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)
WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!
THERE ARE ONLY
116 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is COURTESY APPRECIATION DAY, a time to thank those who are courteous.  ***Unfortunately, it’s getting harder and harder each year to find someone that fits that description!

SPIKE A DIAPER DAY. In 1999, Oklahoma State University became one of the first schools to license and introduce Super Fannies, disposable diapers adorned with the football team’s logo.  ***Sometimes a diaper, sometimes a statement of disapproval of the team’s performance.

Today is NATIONAL TOASTED MARSHMALLOW DAY.

Today is TALK INTELLIGENTLY DAY. ***Difficult to do with a toasted marshmallow in your mouth!

For those who normally talk intelligently, it’s TALK BRILLIANTLY DAY.  ***Either way, this is the wrong radio show for you.

TODAY IS ALSO…

International Cabernet Sauvignon Day
International Day of The Victims of Enforced Disappearances
International Whale Shark Day
National Grief Awareness Day
National Holistic Pet Day
National Toasted Marshmallow Day

Tug-of-War Day

COMING UP NEXT (Just a list, we are not endorsing the holidays posted below. Find more holidays and link to their websites at BrownieLocks.com)

THURSDAY, AUGUST 31

International Overdose Awareness Day
Love Litigating Lawyers Day
National Diatomaceous Earth Day
National Matchmaker Day

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 01

Bring Your Manners To Work Day
Building and Code Staff Appreciation Day
Calendar Adjustment Day
Chicken Boy’s Day
Eid-Al-Adha
Emma M. Nutt Day
International Day of Awareness for the Dolphins of Taiji
National College Colors Day
National Lazy Mom’s Day
National No Rhyme (Nor Reason) Day
Random Acts of Kindness Day or Be Kind Day
Save Japan’s Dolphins Day
Toy Tips Executive Toy Test Day

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 02

Bacon Day
Bison-ten Yell Day
Cow Chip Throwing days
Franchise Appreciation Day
National Buffalo Chicken Wings Days
National No Patrick Day
National Tailgating Day
National Writing Date Day
V-J Day
World Beard Day

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 03

Bowling League Day

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 04

Labor Day
Great Bathtub Race
National Wildlife Day
Newspaper Carrier Day

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 05

Newspaper Carrier Day
Another Look Unlimited Day
Be Late For Something Day
International Day of Charity
Jury Rights Day

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 06

(None Today)

ON THIS DAY

30 BC: Cleopatra the 7th (or maybe the 6th) of ancient Egypt committed suicide by allowing a poisonous snake to bite her.

1881: Clement Ader of Germany patented the first stereo system, for a telephonic broadcasting service.

1936: Donald Duck first appeared in a comic strip. He already was a movie star.

1964: Mickey Mantle struck out for the 1,331st time, breaking Babe Ruth’s major-league career strike-out record.

1967: The U.S. Senate confirmed Thurgood Marshall as the first black justice on the Supreme Court.

1972: John Lennon, Yoko Ono, Stevie Wonder, and Roberta Flack sang “Give Peace A Chance” at John and Yoko’s One To One concert at New York’s Madison Square Garden.

1990: Ken Griffey and Ken Griffey Jr. became the first father and son to play on the same major-league baseball team. Both singled in the first inning for the Seattle Mariners.

1991: A London collector paid $7,700 for a 1958 love letter from Elvis Presley to Anita Brewer of Vicksburg, Mississippi. Elvis wrote that he never would love anyone else. In 1964 Anita married a Mississippi football star.

1993: The first musical guest on CBS’s “The Late Show With David Letterman” was Billy Joel.

1997: Americans learned of the car crash in Paris that claimed the lives of Princess Diana, Dodi Fayed and their driver, Henri Paul. Because of the time difference, it was August 31st where the crash actually occurred.

1997: The Houston Comets defeated the New York Liberty, 65-51, to become the fledgling Women`s National Basketball Association`s first champions.

1999: Oklahoma State University became one of the first schools to license and introduce Super Fan-nies, disposable diapers adorned with the football team’s logo.

2001: Two killers who planned to marry in England’s Broadmoor Prison called off the wedding after finding out just how evil each other was. Lifers Sharon Carr and Robbie Layne, who had already bought gold rings, were stunned when they read a newspaper report describing their killings. A nurse said they stormed out of the room and wouldn’t even talk to each other.

2002: South African hijackers accosted a 41-year-old woman and her two daughters, aged 14 and nine, in their driveway and drove them at knifepoint from Befordview to north Johannesburg, where another man was unhappy with the color of the hijacked white Volvo. After stealing the victim’s mobile phone and jewelry, the hijackers returned her car keys and gave her specific directions when she said she didn’t know how to get home. No one was injured, but the mother suffered from shock.

2005: On the day after Hurricane Katrina struck, 80 percent of New Orleans was under water. A massive rescue effort plucked hundreds from rooftops. Many others waited for days to be rescued. Meanwhile, Katrina flattened much of Gulfport and Biloxi, Mississippi, flooded Mobile, Alabama., and heavily damaged smaller towns in between.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

303: Felix, a town pastor of North Africa, having refused to give up his Bibles, dies a prisoner in the hold of a ship on his way to Rome.

1637: Synod is called in Cambridge Massachusetts to deal with Anne Hutchinson. Jealousy was involved because she attracted more followers than male ministers. Also, she taught grace over works. By this time, many of the Puritans had become works-oriented.

1759: Ordination of Samson Occum as a missionary to the Mohican and Montauk tribes of the American Indians.

1856: African Americans of the Methodist Episcopal church establish Wilberforce College, the second black college in America.

1856: The Methodist Episcopal Church founds Wilberforce College in western Ohio. It was the second American institution of higher learning established for black students (Ashmun Institute in Pennsylvania, founded two years earlier, was the first).

1894: Bob Jones Sr. is converted at eleven years of age. By age fifteen he is licensed to preach as a Methodist. He goes on to preach thousands of fundamentalist sermons and to found Bob Jones University in Tennessee (later relocated to South Carolina).

BIRTHDAY RAP-UP

  • actor (Travis in Hope Floats and Theadore Cleaver in Leave it to Beaver the movie) Cameron Finley 30

  • actress (Charlie’s Angels, Vanilla Sky) Cameron Diaz is 45

  • actress (“Twin Peaks”, Golden Globe for “The Mod Squad”) Peggy Lipton 70 (audio clip)

  • actor (Major Roger Healy on “I Dream of Jeanie”) Bill Daily 79 (audio clip)

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From SongFacts.com)

1935 : “Papa” John Phillips (The Mamas & The Papas)

1950 : Micky Moody (Whitesnake)

1953 : Horace Panter (General Public)

1958 : Martin Jackson (Swing Out Sister)

1963 : Paul Oakenfold

1974 : Rich Cronan (LFO)

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE (Answering questions that have plagued mankind for minutes!)

Is it possible to sing two different notes simultaneously?

I can sing two notes simultaneously–dubbing one recording over another. Yet, apparently, it can also be done without electronics. You produce sounds by vibrating your vocal chords, two elastic-like bands in the larynx. The sound they make is related to how you stretch the cords with your muscles. Ordinarily they are stretched and vibrate in the same way and produce just one pitch at a time. But should something interfere with one of the cords, say a foreign object or a growth, that chord can produce a different note. Medical scientists have also found a few people who can consciously control their vocal cords, producing two different pitches at one time.

NEWS KICKERS

(None on weekends. Want a customizable version with your specific station tag, FREE? Email me for more information! )

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

(Not posted on weekends.)

According to a new study, 1 in 4 Americans don’t consider one-night stands “cheating.”  ***Also discovered, 1 in 4 Americans are completely delusional.

Wisconsin and New Jersey actually have laws on the books that make it illegal to sell home-baked goods. ***So what do you do for your bake sale?  Here’s what I’d do.  Bag all of the cupcakes and cookies in plastic ziplock baggies.  Sell the baggies for a buck each, and with each baggie you also get free cookies or a cupcake.

The secret to keeping your mind and body young and vibrant at any age: getting your beauty sleep. According to an April 2017 study published in the journal Neuron, lack of quality shut-eye among senior citizens can raise their risk of memory loss and suffering wide range of mental and physical disorders, such as Alzheimer’s disease, heart disease, obesity, diabetes, and stroke. Matthew Walker, senior author of the study and professor of psychology and neuroscience at the University of California, Berkeley, says “Nearly every disease killing us in later life has a causal link to lack of sleep.” ***So if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go take a nap.

Believe it or not, some companies in Canada’s British Columbia province can force women to wear high heels at work. But not any more. The premier of the province, Christy Clark, announced Friday that companies can no longer impose such a rule. Clark, who belongs to the Liberal Party, called the practice dangerous and discriminatory.  ***Definitely discriminatory – because Manolo Blahnik doesn’t make high-heels for men, and that’s just wrong.

In Pennsylvania, 44-year-old Elwood R. Gutshall was arrested around 12:15 a.m. and charged with DUI. Ironically, at the time of his arrest, he was wearing a T-shirt which read: Drunk Lives Matter. Officers say they observed Gutshall committing multiple traffic violations in a green Ford pickup. “After subsequent investigation it was determined the driver was under the influence of alcohol beyond what he could safely operate a motor vehicle,” according to the department’s Facebook post. His blood-alcohol test registered at 0.217 percent – nearly triple the legal limit.   ***Most ironic mugshot in the history of mugshots.

Giving kids too much candy could lead them to murder, says a recent study. Research published in the British Journal of Psychiatry shows that children who ate sweets daily were prone to commit savage crimes as adults. “Giving children candy and chocolate regularly may stop them from learning how to wait to obtain something they want,” says a study participant. “Not being able to defer gratification may push them toward more impulsive behavior, which is strongly associated with delinquency.”  ***So every Halloween when your kid is dressed up as a serial killer and going door-to-door getting treats, he is ironically also being slowly turned into a serial killer.

A study showed that Millennials prefer their friends to text when they arrive at their house, rather than ring the doorbell or knock (because, if that’s the standard procedure, anyone ringing or knocking is not a friend).  ***Millennials have texting… us old folks had super-secret knocks.

Despite having no CEO for two months, Uber’s bookings are up 17%.  ***Hey… maybe we should try going without a leader in the United States and see if it’s just as beneficial!

Do you like wine? Are you broke all the time? Then get ready for $5 wines at Target. Not glasses of $5 wine, bottles of $5 wine. Target will start selling the $5 wine this coming Sunday, September 3 under the label California Roots. ***Target – making it more affordable to become a hobo!

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

(Not posted on weekends.)

Offering downsized meal portions in addition to normal ones at cafeterias may help some people cut their calorie intake, Dutch researchers say.   They say the smaller portions could work in other settings, too, and might help curb obesity, although it’s too soon to know if people compensate by eating more the rest of the day.  The report, published in the International Journal of Obesity, is the first to look at how people’s eating behaviors change if smaller meals are made easily available — both with and without a corresponding price cut. ***Wait a minute… so if I eat less, then I’ll consume fewer calories?  Gee – who’d a thunk it?!?

Kids who have their tonsils removed seem to gain weight after the surgery and may be more likely to become overweight compared to children who never went under the knife, a new study suggests.   In the research published in the February issue of Otolaryngology — Head and Neck Surgery, scientists reviewed data from nine different studies spanning a 40-year period, before arriving at their conclusion.  ***Could it be that it’s not the surgery that makes kids fat, but all of the ice cream that’s shoved down their throats afterwards?

In the lush hills of northern Thailand, a herd of 20 elephants is excreting some of the world’s most expensive coffee.  Trumpeted as earthy in flavor and smooth on the palate, the exotic new brew is made from beans eaten by Thai elephants and plucked a day later from their dung. A gut reaction inside the elephant creates what its founder calls the coffee’s unique taste.  Stomach turning or oddly alluring, this is not just one of the world’s most unusual specialty coffees. At $1,100 per kilogram ($500 per pound), it’s also among the world’s priciest.  For now, only the wealthy or well-traveled have access to the cuppa, which is called Black Ivory Coffee. It was launched a few luxury hotels with the price tag of about $50 a serving.  Why elephants?  “When an elephant eats coffee, its stomach acid breaks down the protein found in coffee, which is a key factor in bitterness,” said Blake Dinkin, who has spent $300,000 developing the coffee. “You end up with a cup that’s very smooth without the bitterness of regular coffee.”  ***You know what… coffee ice cream isn’t bitter either – and you can get a whole quart for less than eight bucks.

Some things never change. Students at UC Santa Cruz were asked who should propose marriage — the man, the woman, or does it matter? Two-thirds of men and women said “definitely” the guy should propose. Only 2.8% of the women said they’d “kind of” want to propose.  ***So, it’s still the guy’s responsibility to propose marriage – but heaven forbid you open a door for a lady or insist on buying dinner – then suddenly you’re a male chauvinist. You gotta love the 21st century.

A recent study says that dogs would rather earn treats than be given handouts. ***Whereas cats vote Democrat.

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD WEDNESDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, FancyMonkey.com, (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Millard the Monkey was frustrated at not being able to beat Steve Mozart at anything. So he decided that, no matter what it took, he’d find a way to beat Steve Mozart… at something. Anything. And it’s not going very well so far.

CLOSE: Poor Millard… will he ever find ANYTHING that he can do better than Mozart? Find out next time, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of “As the Jungle Turns” in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us and ask about “Jungle Jam & Friends the Radio Show” usage.

MOMENT OF DUH

Here kitty, kitty… nice tiger…

Florida’s Jason Wayne Hardin was putting up fencing at a carnival when he happened upon a tiger’s cage and decided to attempt to “communicate” with the animal.  Hardin decided to communicate by putting his arm into the tiger’s cage.  The tiger decided to communicate with Hardin by biting him and severing a tendon in his arm.  In what will likely be no surprise, police say blood alcohol tests at the hospital confirmed that Hardin was drunk when he was bitten by the tiger. 

TOP TEN

TOP TEN CHURCH FOOTBALL TERMS

10. Quarterback Sneak – Church members quietly leaving during the invitation.

9. Draw Play – What many children do with the bulletin during worship.

8. Halftime – The period between Sunday school and worship when many choose to leave

7. Benchwarmer – Those who do not sing, pray, work, or apparently do anything but sit.

6. Backfield-in-Motion – Making a trip to the back (restroom or water fountain) during the service.

5. Two-minute Warning – The point at which you realize the sermon is almost over and people begin to gather up your children and belongings.

4. Instant Replay – The preacher loses his notes and falls back on last week’s illustrations.

3. End Run – Getting out of church quick, without speaking to any guest or fellow member.

2. Halfback Option – The decision of 50% of the congregation not to be there for the whole service.

1. Blitz – The rush for the restaurants following the closing prayer.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Need to know if something is authentic?  You go to the experts. 

FILE #1: Ever the savvy consumer, 47-year-old Phillip Williams of Tampa wanted to make sure the crack cocaine he had purchased was the real deal.  To make sure he hadn’t been ripped off, Williams approached two men and asked them to test his crack pipe so he could be sure.  Those two men were uniformed Tampa police officers.  The good news for Williams is that he had purchased authentic crack.  The bad news is that he was arrested for possession of cocaine and drug paraphernalia.

FILE #2: Bradley Charles Barbier, 23, from West Palm  Beach, Florida seemed to have a deep and earnest wish to get into jail. His first attempt was to just simply call the Martin Country jail to let them know he was coming over to serve a weekend sentence. They informed him that there was nothing for him to turn himself in on.  His second attempt was three hours later when he appeared outside the jailhouse drunk. They only told him to leave. He said he was waiting for a ride and then proceeded to remain there.  His third attempt was the kicker. He broke into a deputy’s van by smashing a window, emptied the glove box, stole her purse, and then sat under a nearby tree with the stolen objects on the grass next to him. He even pointed out his handy work to the officers.  He’s in jail now… for much longer than the weekend.

FILE #3: Thomas E. Bartow Jr., a 35-year-old Fond du Lac. WI man, was arrested after he handed an officer a marijuana pipe instead of his driver’s license.  Bartow was apparently intoxicated when officers found him passed out in a bathroom stall at the Ramada Hotel, He was fully clothed and sitting on a toilet.  The officer asked Bartow for identification and Bartow pulled out a marijuana pipe and handed it to the officer.  When arrested and taken to the Fond du Lac County Jail, Bartow told officers he’d never seen the marijuana pipe before.

STRANGE LAW: Burping in church can result in fines or jail sentences according to a large number of city laws nationwide.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

This Is Your Brain On Drugs” is about people doing dumb things under the influence, but addiction is no laughing matter. If you or someone you know needs help, there’s a toll free number you can call 1-800-438-0380. That’s the Addiction Hope and Help Line at 1-800-438-0380.

If you’re going to drive drunk – don’t make it so obvious that you’re doing so!

Vermont State Police charged a New Jersey man with drunken driving after receiving a call about a car being driven backward on Interstate 89. Police say they received a report late Friday night of a motorist driving erratically – and at one point driving in reverse – in the southbound lanes in Berlin, south of Montpelier. When police caught up, they arrested a 46-year-old man. Police said a preliminary breath test indicated the man’s blood alcohol content was nearly three times the legal limit.

PHONER PHUN

Do you rent movies online? Do you fight over what’s in your queue when using Netflix? Apparently couples are now fighting over who has control over what movies are in the movie queue. In other words, which movies are “on deck” for mailing. Have you ever fought with a loved one over movie rentals?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: Who is the woman that played a timbrel and led the women of Israel in a victory song after the Red Sea incident?
ANSWER: Miriam (Exodus 15:20-21)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: Who is buried in Grant’s tomb?

ANSWER: Trick question! Nobody is buried in Grant’s tomb. President & Mrs. Grant are entombed there. A body is buried only when it is placed in the ground and covered with dirt.

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. Most snakes have only one lung. (True, or in some cases, two, with one much reduced in size. This apparently serves to make room for other organs in the highly-elongated bodies of snakes.)

2. Alfred Hitchcock didn’t have a belly button. (True. It was eliminated when he was sewn up after surgery.)

3. Female orcas live twice as long as male orcas. (True. The larger numbers of female orcas in a pod are because of the female’s longer lifespan, not because the males have collected a harem.)

4. The Eiffel Tower receives a fresh coat of 300 tons of reddish-green paint every year. (False – every seven years)

5. The popular American comic strip “Peanuts” is known as simply “Nuts” in Denmark. (False – it’s called “Radishes” in Denmark)

6. Sudan is the largest country in Africa. (True. It has a population greater than 28,100,000.)

7. More species of fish live in a single tributary of the Amazon River than in all the rivers in North America combined. (True)

8. There is not a single river in Saudi Arabia. (True)

9. 74% of American women say their biggest dating turn-off is crooked teeth. (False – foul language)

10. The Statue of Liberty’s index finger is eight feet long. (True)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

______ SPOTTED IN NORTH CAROLINA! (CHUPACABRA)

The vicious Mexican predator, the chupacabra, has been spotted in North Carolina!

The most recent sighting took place in Piedmont, North Carolina, after a local spotted a mangy, fox-like creature fitting with the description bestowed on the ‘goat-sucker’ or ‘devil-dog’ as it is sometimes known as.

Since the Piedmont sighting there have been dozens of sightings of the beast across North Carolina.

Legend has it that the Latin American monster attacks livestock, usually goats, and drinks their blood.

Video and photos of the mysterious animal — or what people think is the mysterious animal — can be found by the hundreds online.

The name itself is derived from the Spanish ‘chupar’ (‘to suck’) and ‘cabra’ (‘goat’).

Descriptions of them vary from reptilian with spikes or quills on its back to hairless dogs with fangs and claws.

Scientists say the creatures are coyotes infected by parasites after one animal was discovered last July following a fatal attack on livestock.

The first reported sighting was in 1995, when eight sheep were found dead in Puerto Rico with identical puncture wounds to the chest and completely drained of blood.

It was their mysterious deaths supposedly spawned the legend of the chupacabra in Latin America.

Months later, the creature was allegedly spotted in Canóvanas, where as many as 150 animals had been killed.

Since then, there have been attacks allegedly carried out by the creature across South and Central America, and even into New Mexico and Texas.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

Amy and Jamie are old friends. They have both been married to their husbands for a long time. Amy is upset because she thinks her husband doesn’t find her attractive anymore. “As I get older he doesn’t bother to look at me!” Amy cries.

“I’m so sorry for you, as I get older my husband says I get more beautiful every day.” replies Jamie.

“Yes, but your husband’s an antique dealer!”

JOKE #2

At long last the good-humored boss was compelled to call Fisk into his office. “It has not escaped my attention,” he pointed out, “that every time there’s a home game at the stadium you have to take your aunt to the doctor.”

“You know you’re right, sir,” exclaimed Fisk. “I didn’t realize it. You don’t suppose she’s faking it, do you?”

JOKE #3

A potential client asked his lawyer what he would charge for taking on a particular case. After considering the merits of the case, the lawyer answered that he would take it on for a contingency fee.

“What is a contingency fee?” asked the client.

The lawyer smiled, “A contingency fee means that if I don’t win your suit, I don’t get anything. If I do win your suit, you don’t get anything.”

USELESS FACTS

Seventy percent of college students admit they have secretly used their roommate’s toothbrush “three or more times,” according to a recent survey of college students.  ***Ewww! Now a mandatory item for college – a laser-protected, pressure-sensitive, padlocked safe for your toothbrush.

The average flea can leap an amazing 36 inches without a struggle. That’s comparable to a man jumping the 555-foot high Washington Monument.  ***And that’s a good comparison when you consider the number of human parasites that live in Washington, D.C.

FEATURED FUNNIES

FINISH THE SCRIPTURE

The homework for a Sunday school class was to read Isaiah 9. The teacher asked the class how many had remembered to read the chapter. Every hand went up. ‘Wonderful!’ she thought, ‘we can have a great discussion!’
“Do you remember the first verse?” Silence, while a few of the youngsters paged furiously through their Bibles trying to find Isaiah.
“I’ll give you a bit of help. ‘The people who walked in darkness…”

Still no answer. “I have a candy bar for the first one who can complete the verse.”
Instantly she was besieged by answers!
“Use less electricity!”
“Stub their toes a lot!”
“Spend most of the time sleeping”
“Are usually burglars”
“Could really use a flashlight!”
And about that time someone finally found Isaiah 9 and just read it.

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

Road rage – believe it or not, it’s the women who are the worst culprits!  

Women are the meaner sex on the highway, according to a recent survey of 3,800 commuters by Harris Interactive. 61 percent of the women reported experiencing road rage as compared to 51 percent of the men. Motorists between the ages of 25 and 34, 68 percent are more likely to blow their tops while driving. Furthermore, only 47 percent of the people over 55 admitted to getting angry. Meanwhile, watch the weather. 17 percent of the people who answered said they experienced less road rage during hot, sweltering summers. But only 10 percent of the respondents reported that the rising mercury made their blood boil more. Finally, 9 percent of the respondents confessed to brawling with another motorist. Just remember, good boys do not hit girls.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

HIS MYSTERIOUS WAYS

by Mabel F. Marchese
Miami, Florida

Right before I left the house that morning, I took one last look in the mirror. Good. My shirt covered the bright-red scar that curved across my neck right above my collarbone, a reminder of the surgery I had undergone two months earlier for thyroid cancer. I’d just completed radioactive iodine treatment, and my doctor had said my prognosis was good. But I couldn’t help wondering and worrying.
My 10-year-old daughter came up behind me and gave me a hug. “Have a great day, Mom!”
“You too, Alexandra.” I hoped she couldn’t tell I was forcing a smile.
“I’ll take her to school today,” my husband, Danny, said. “See you tonight, honey.”
I waved and stepped out the door, feeling guilty that nothing seemed to banish my fears. Not Danny’s reassurances. Not Alexandra’s hugs. Not even knowing how many people had been pulling for me since my diagnosis—family, friends, even strangers on internet prayer chains. Sure, the worries subsided from time to time. Then I’d remember how difficult it was to grow up missing a parent (my father died when I was 13), and I’d become terrified all over again that I would leave my daughter to the same fate.
Driving to the office, I prayed, Please, Lord, give me a sign that I’ll be here to see my little girl grow up and have children of her own.
Work was so busy I pushed my fears, and my prayer, to the back of my mind. At lunchtime I dashed out to Costco. Waiting my turn at the checkout, I mentally went over the tasks I had to finish back at work.
A child giggled. I looked up. Right ahead of me in line was a young mother and her little boy. I watched her play peek-a-boo with him. “Where’s Grandma?” she asked.
He pointed to a gray-haired woman standing near the cashier. She turned and blew the boy a kiss. That’s when I noticed the long, curved scar right above her collarbone. It was faded, but I knew at once what it was. The telltale mark of thyroid-cancer surgery. And to me, an incredible sign of hope.

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

GETTING PERSONAL

Read: Matthew 1:18-25

The virgin shall be with child, and bear a Son, and they shall call His name Immanuel, which is translated, “God with us.” —Matthew 1:23

You may have received a letter recently and stared in surprise at the stamp. Instead of seeing the face of a famous person or historical figure, it was your brother and his dog.

In a test case, the US Postal Service licensed a private company to sell official stamps. For twice the value of the postage, customers could upload a digital photo of their choosing to a Web site, and in about a week they could stick first-class pictures of their wedding on their thank-you notes. Many people hope that technology will revive the lost art of sending a personal message by mail.

It’s good to recall that the birth of Jesus was the most personal message possible from God. An angel told Joseph that this miracle baby would be a fulfillment of Old Testament prophecy: “‘Behold, the virgin shall be with child, and bear a Son, and they shall call His name Immanuel,’ which is translated, ‘God with us'” (Matthew 1:23).

Paul confirmed Jesus’ identity when he wrote: “[Jesus] is the image of the invisible God,” and that all of God’s fullness dwells in Him (Colossians 1:15,19).

God Himself came to earth in the person of Jesus Christ to save us from our sins. Could it be any more personal than that? —David McCasland

Once from the realms of infinite glory,
Down to the depths of our ruin and loss,
Jesus came, seeking—O Love’s sweet story—
Came to the manger, the shame, and the cross. —Strickland

God reached out to mankind with the arms of Jesus.

LEFTOVERS

WEDDING GIFTS
When registering for your wedding, what gifts are YOU asking for?  Things have changed quite a bit in the last few years.
A new study shows that couples are asking for much more expensive items for wedding gifts than they did 50 years ago.  Back in 1954, engaged couples registered for basic household items like cotton sheets and pillowcases, while nowadays they’re asking for such things as top-of-the-range cutlery and flashy bathroom scales.  Part of the reason for the change is that people are waiting longer to get married and therefore are looking to upgrade the domestic items they already have.  Some people were even asking guests to chip in towards expensive items such as giant televisions, the report said.   ***MARLAR: Important note: If you register for a television, you better write into your vows that there will be an equal sharing of the remote control!

LIFE… LIVE IT

Your kid’s bedtime doesn’t matter, just as long as it’s the same bedtime every night, according to a new study reported on Boston.com. Every time a child’s body clock is disrupted, so is their brain development, and this is especially true for 3-year-olds. Of course, the earlier the better. A separate study two years ago found the earlier kids go to bed, the less likely they’ll become overweight.

JUST FOR FUN

CHIP ON HER SHOULDER

This one’s gotta stink… being allergic to technology!

If Joan Stock doesn’t seem to be keeping up with technology, it’s because her health depends on it. The 79-year-old woman is “allergic” to microchips! She suffers from blinding headaches when she goes near computers or hi-tech equipment. Considering that microchips are everywhere now, it appears that she’s stuck in the 1970’s. She and her husband watch TV on a 25-year-old black and white set, drive and old Ford and can only shop where they use old manual cash registers. Her allergy has been diagnosed as a reaction to the electromagnetic radiation generated by microchips. ***MARLAR: I may not be allergic to them, but my computer frequently gives me headaches too!

FUN LIST

THINGS YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR ON YOUR FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL

  • I’m guessing you didn’t spend the summer at fat camp.

  • The new wood shop teacher has even fewer fingers than the last guy.

  • Hi. I’m the most beautiful girl in the school and I won’t be going out with you again this year.

  • Did you see the principal on ’60 Minutes’ last week?

  • Due to budget cutbacks, we can’t afford books for the History of World War II class. Instead, we’ll be watching reruns of “Hogan’s Heroes”. (audio clip)

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF…

If you’re planning to ask the boss for a raise, you’ll have a better chance of getting it if you first wolf down a cheese sandwich.

…That’s the suggestion of researchers who say that people with high levels of the natural brain chemical serotonin have a better chance of succeeding in delicate negotiations. And cheese is loaded with tryptophan, an amino acid the body uses to make serotonin. Psychologists at Cambridge University manipulated the levels of serotonin in study subjects and found that those with low levels of the chemical were more likely to follow their emotions and be hot-headed and aggressive, when making important life decisions. Meanwhile, high-level serotonin subjects had a better handle on their emotions when making decisions. (National Examiner)

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

(Not posted on weekends.)

Americans can say a hearty Amen in response to a recent study that reports nearly 50% of us are praying more than in the past. The study by marketing consultants BrainReserve back up their trend spotting with responses that show 55% of women and 44% of men believe in the power of prayer. When shown the statement: “I am praying more frequently than I have in the past,” 25% of all Americans polled “agreed completely” with the statement and another 24% “agreed somewhat” with it.

Remember when your mama told you to clean your plate because there were starving children overseas? Apparently, that did not work because experts say a whopping 50 percent of the world’s food is wasted every year. And the average American is responsible for about 400 pounds a year of that discarded food. The findings were presented recently at the Reuters Food and Agriculture Summit in Chicago. Explains attendee Dana Funders, a sustainable agriculture specialist: “No matter how sustainable the farming is, if the food’s not getting eaten, it is not sustainable and it is not a good use of our resources.” The statistics are stunning. The U.S. Department of Agriculture estimates that approximately 23 percent of all eggs are ending up in the trash and the amount of fruits and veggies is even higher. It all adds up to a whopping 33 million tons of ruined food hitting landfills and incinerators each year.

Don’t be too quick to go negative like telling the boss you’ll quit if you don’t get a promotion. Try what’s called a “gain-framed appeal.” Highlight what’s to be gained if you do get a promotion like “I’ll be able to focus on X.” Neuroscience research suggests that these beat loss-framed appeals in activating parts of the brain linked with taking action. In other words, the boss just might ink the deal. (Men’s Health)

The Pay-what-you-can Soup Bar in Toronto serves meals made of food once destined for the dump. In a retrofitted shipping container, Chef Jagger Gordon is giving away free sandwiches and loaves of freshly baked bread. Gordon’s lunches are pay-what-you-can using food that would have otherwise been thrown out by businesses. On Sunday, he expanded his offerings and started giving away four different types of soup, made from ingredients he’s rescued from grocery stores and restaurants that otherwise would have sent the food to the landfill.  ***What do you think?  Would something like this work here? http://bit.ly/2rzKXju

Regular attendance at religious services could have an added benefit: a longer life. That’s the word from Harvard researchers, who found that women who went to church at least twice a week were 33 percent less like to die over the 20-year study period, compared with those who never attended, reports HealthDay News. Is this due to the power of religious belief? Probably not. Instead, it’s the benefits that come with being part of a community of faith and the communal practice of worship, says study leader Tyler VanderWeele, a professor of epidemiology at the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health in Boston. The results:

  • Women who attended worship at least once a week had a 27 percent lower risk of dying from heart disease and a 21 percent lower risk of dying from cancer, compared with those who never attended.

  • Overall, the risk for dying dropped by 26 percent for those who attended worship weekly, while those who went less frequently saw their risk drop by 13 percent, compared with those who never attended.

  • Meanwhile, women who attended church more than once a week had a 33 percent lower risk of death, compared with those who never attended.

  • In addition, those who regularly attended religious services had fewer symptoms of depression and were far less likely to smoke.

SOUL-GLO

(Only posted as stories come available. Not posted on weekends.)

Boy Remembers Scene From Favorite Movie to Save Drowning Brother

Professional actor and wrestler Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson may not have ever given a particularly life-changing performance before – but now, thanks to a 10-year-old boy, one of his performances has become life-saving.  Jacob O’Connor is being credited as a hero after he used a scene from his favorite movie to save his 2-year-old brother Dylan.  Last month, Jacob and his brothers were spending the day at their grandmother’s house. Jacob was about to start watching TV when he noticed that the door was open – and Dylan was gone.

The youngster went outside and saw his brother floating face down in the backyard pool.  Jacob immediately thought of a scene from the Hollywood action flick San Andreas where the Rock’s character uses chest compressions to save his daughter’s life.  The 10-year-old started mimicking the actor’s motions until Dylan started coughing up water.

Jacob then fetched his grandmother and they rushed Dylan to the hospital. Emergency personnel said that Jacob’s actions almost certainly saved his brother’s life. If he did not intervene as quickly as he did, paramedics may not have been able to help Dylan in time.  After spending just one day in care, the youngster was brought back home to where he can be sure that his superhero brother will always be helping to keep an eye on him in the future.  And if the story couldn’t get any better already, Jacob got a shout out from his hero on Twitter after the rescue.  “Wow amazing story,” wrote the Rock. “You’re a real life hero. We’re all proud of you!”

WATCH THE VIDEO: http://darrenmarlar.com/2017/08/29/boy-remembers-scene-favorite-movie-save-drowning-brother/

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Only posted as stories come available. Not posted on weekends.)

AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

I asked the boss how he likes sushi. He said he was the greatest marching band composer in history.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 35 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit www.Tollbooth.org. Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

AUGUST 25, 2017…

Leap!— is an animated music film (also titled “Ballerina”) about a little girl who wants to be a dancer. These films come along from time to time, but this one includes not one, but two creative people who are friends. There is Felicie (voice of Elle Fanning) as the little girl and her inventive friend, Victor (voice of Nat Wolff) and they both live in a home for orphans. Away they go to Paris to make better lives for themselves. Felicie soon learns it isn’t easy to beat the competition in dance class, and Victor has problems, too. Felicie meets jealousy in school (Camille and voice of Maddie Ziegler) because she doesn’t have the proper background. Well, there is always an extra friend, and here it is the school clean-up person (voice of Carly Rae Jepson) who has an idea. You may recognize another voice,  Kate McKinnon as Camille’s mother, who looks down on just about everyone. Will talent triumph? What do you think? “Leap!” is rated PG, with music by Klaus Badelt. Rating of 2 for dance fans.

Brigsby Bear— Sometimes parents do something unusual to entertain their children. Such is the case of James (Kyle Mooney) whose parents created a fictional “Brigsby Bear” cartoon using items at hand. James grows up and the cartoon is over…or is it? Creativity takes a step forward. Also in the cast are Claire Danes, Greg Kinnear and Mark Hamill. “Brigsby Bear” is rated PG. .

SEPTEMBER 01, 2017…

I Do…Until I Don’t is a study of marriage starring Lake Bell.

Unlocked is a thriller with Noomi Rapace and about the CIA.

Viceroy’s House stars Gillian Anderson in a history drama about India in the mid-1940’s.

Goon: Last Of The Enforcers has Seann William Scott reprising his role in this active hockey film. The first film of several years ago, “Goon,” is worth seeing again.

Close Encounters Of The Third Kind is a re-release of this fan-favorite film of space aliens visiting Earth. Stars Richard Dreyfuss. Who doesn’t remember what happened on that starry, starry night…

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