Bathtub Party Day? Seriously?

Wednesday, December 05, 2012

Today is NATIONAL COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR KIDS DAY.  ***MARLAR: Then again, why try – they’re already doing all of the communicating by telling you want they want for Christmas, right?

Today is NATIONAL SWAP A CHRISTMAS COOKIE RECIPE DAY.  ***MARLAR: For taste-testing, please submit entries to the radio station, care of “Darren Marlar.”

Today is BATHTUB PARTY DAY, a day to invite friends over and take turns taking long, hot baths.  ***MARLAR: Can they not take a long, hot bath at their OWN homes?  Why should they come over and use up all of YOUR water?  Do you go over to their house and say, “Hey, it’s Toothbrush Party Day!  I’m here to share your toothbrush!”

Today is PLAY HOOKY DAY.  Not to encourage it of course, but to make examples of those who do it poorly.  Here is a list of some actual notes written by kids in the guise of their parents.

  • “My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.”
  • “Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick, and I had her shot.”
  • “Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.”
  • “Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.”
  • “John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.”
  • “Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.”
  • “Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.”
  • “Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.”
  • “Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.”
  • “Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.”

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