Darren’s Daily Dose of Darren: December 02, 2010

NEW NEWS…

A Japanese jetliner is asking passengers to go to the bathroom before takeoff to help increase efficiency and cut down on pollution. All Nippon Airways has also started using recycled paper cups and switched from glass to paper bottles in an attempt to make every flight just a little bit lighter. They estimate that if 50% of passengers relieve themselves before boarding, the airline will produce 4.2 fewer tons of CO2 per month.  ***MARLAR: It’s bad enough that your dad tells you to go to the bathroom before going on a trip, now you’re going to hear it from your pilot.

In Louisville, Kentucky, police were performing a home check on Craig A. Dunn, who was under house arrest, when they found a tube of aluminum foil burnt on one end and a spoon with burn marks and possible drug residue. When questioned about the items, Dunn said they weren’t his-and told police that the spoon and foil belonged to Jesus, who he maintains is trying to set him up. Amazingly officers didn’t buy the story and Dunn now faces more charges of possession of drug paraphernalia.  ***MARLAR: No charges have yet been filed against the Lord.

A man wearing a “Scream” thriller movie mask tried to hold up a doughnut shop on New York’s Long Island.  Nassau County police say the thief walked into a Dunkin’ Donuts in Farmingdale just before midnight Tuesday brandishing a silver handgun and demanding money.  An employee, washing trays, tells the New York Post that he turned the water on the bandit, hitting the mask. The thief, clad all in black, fled empty-handed.  ***MARLAR: Really?  You’re so determined to rob a doughnut shop that you dress in black and wear a “Scream” mask, but you run away because you’re squirted with water?  Who are you – the Wicked Witch of the West?

Police in a suburb northwest of New York City are searching for a stolen hot dog stand. Owner Fred Martucci told the Journal News that he’s devastated over the loss of “Fred’s Franks.” He used the 10-foot-long, 7-foot-wide stainless steel trailer to support his family in Orangeburg for more than a year.  Three men pulled into a parking lot, cut the trailer’s locks and cables, hitched it to their pickup truck and drove north on Route 303.  ***MARLAR: Be careful, these are HOT hot dogs on the street.

RETRO NEWS: FORMERLY NEW, NOW NOT NEW, BUT STILL ENTERTAINING…

We’ve all heard of kids biting in elementary school but this is definitely something new. In Dayton, Ohio, a child at Patterson-Kennedy Elementary School was misbehaving so badly that he finally had to be brought to the assistant principal’s office by teacher Stephen Green. While in the office the boy became violent, started throwing things and had to be restrained by Green. That’s when the kid bit the teacher on the forearm and would not let go! Assistant Principal Jack Johnson had to pry the boy’s mouth open to get him to finally give it up. Green, age 54, went to a hospital to be treated for the bite. The child, whose age and name was not released, was taken to a hospital for a psychological examination.  ***MARLAR: The school immediately was called by Michael Vick asking if the boy was up for adoption.

In an effort to get more customers to choose dining in over the drive-thru, the country’s No. 2 fast-food chain is revamping the interiors of its 12,000 locations worldwide. Burger King hopes this contemporary, upscale look and feel will appeal to its biggest customers — young men. The design, called “20/20”, has been used in about 60 Burger King locations, and 75 more should be complete by the end of the year. The design is intended to give consumers a more “upscale” experience.  ***MARLAR: Do you really need upscale when you’re woofing down a Whopper?  What do you get – a personally monogrammed wet-nap?

A group of folks who like to stage random and bizarre public events in New York, have struck again to celebrate the anniversary of the invisible-dog leash. And what better way to commemorate a device by having literally hundreds of people take to the streets of New York with invisible dogs? Thousands of people saw the event that still has people talking.  ***MARLAR: Even stranger, everyone refused to clean up the invisible doggie droppings.

Do you do the same thing every day when you get to work? I’m not talking about the work itself, but other things. Do you always wear a favorite tie? Do you always use a certain coffee mug? A new report says doing that can actually make you more productive and happier in your job. In a survey of over 1,500 people, most of them said they wore their favorite clothes to important meetings to make them feel more confident. Three out of four said they rewarded themselves with a snack (like chocolate) for completing their least favorite job duties. ***MARLAR: This is absolutely true.  In fact, my least favorite duty is getting up in the morning, and I reward myself by immediately going back to sleep.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *