Darren’s Daily Dose of News – May 02, 2009

darrensdailydoseofnews12Scientists at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, think obesity might be a contagious disease. They gave the human virus Ad-37 to chickens, and the birds developed two to three times more body fat than other chickens on the same diet. Two related viruses, Ad-36 and Ad-5, have also been shown to cause obesity in animals. But a spokesman said they can’t say that viruses cause obesity in humans because it would be unethical to inject humans with a virus for the experiment. ***MARLAR: Unless it caused weight LOSS; then everyone would be demanding it.

For 40 years, three priceless, 300-year-old vases from China’s Q’ing Dynasty had been on display at the Fitzwilliam Museum in Cambridge, England. Then one weekend, a man tripped on his shoelace, stumbled down the stairs into them, and smashed them into tiny pieces. Another visitor said everyone watched as if it were in slow motion, and the stunned man kept pointing at his shoelace and saying, “There it is, that’s the culprit.” The museum director said they’re glad the man was unhurt, and they’ll try to glue the vases back together. ***MARLAR: The man is locked in the basement with a tube of glue, working on it now.

Paul Sewell of Berks County, Pennsylvania, is under investigation and won’t be allowed to vote in the next election unless he can convince officials that he wasn’t trying to commit fraud by signing his registration form “God.” He claims he has credit cards in that name, and it’s a legal mark, like the “X” illiterate people use to sign forms. ***MARLAR: Even if that’s true, he’s still not allowed to vote, due to the separation of church and state.

Two Kootenai County, Idaho, men were arrested for polluting because they dumped dirt in a forest.  ***MARLAR: In a related story, a bear was arrested for polluting after it did its business in the woods.

The more we know about nature, the less special human beings seem to be. The latest ego bring-down involves music. Scientists now say that certain creatures, such as the humpback whale and many birds, produce complicated music that sometimes resembles the structure of human compositions. ***MARLAR: I always thought disco was for the birds.

The hottest new wedding activity is to trash the wedding dress after the ceremony. Yes, that dress that likely cost several hundred dollars. The most popular way so far to “trash the dress” is for the groom to use it as a paintball target with the bride still in it. ***MARLAR: That’s good, let’s just kick off the marriage with a good ole round of domestic violence.

A recent nine-year study of American cities shows a possible correlation between death rates and air pollution. Air pollution may contribute to two percent of all deaths in the US, some 50,000 cases per year. ***MARLAR: Which is why we should immediately ban Celine Dion.  Oh, wait a minute; that’s NOISE pollution.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.