Darren’s Daily Dose of News – May 15, 2009

darrensdailydoseofnews12My radio station, 101QFL has now officially been sold.  Here’s a link to see the story.  Nothing funny about this… just thought I’d share the news.

It’s a graduation tradition: a congratulatory handshake along with your diploma. But Wednesday night, the H1N1 flu virus has the University of Illinois at Chicago banning the handshakes. And UIC isn’t alone other graduations had the same policy.   And so, one by one, the students received their sashes and certificates without the traditional handshake.  ***MARLAR: And the diplomas will be printed on Lysol Disinfectant Wipes.

For the first time, lifeguards in Sydney, Australia, will be allowed to fine swimmers who disobey orders and do things like swim outside designated safe surfing sections on beaches. ***MARLAR: The fines range from $32 for swimming outside the flagged areas to $118 for singing Beach Boys songs without a clear understanding of four-part harmony.

A piece of artwork that was gaining rave reviews at the Museum of European Art in Paris has now become a source of embarrassment for the museum. The funny thing is, this piece of art was done by plumber Alphonse Gradant and it really isn’t “art” at all. It’s actually the layout drawing of the men’s toilet at the museum. Gradant said that to make the pipes and returns more visible and easier to see at a glance, he filled them in using colored pens and red and black ink. Some joker took it, framed it, and stuck it up on the wall. The two-foot by three-foot picture consisting of a squiggle of lines clearly shows three urinals and a half-dozen stalls. But the folks at the museum thought it was legit and art critics loved it. They stuck a $45,000 price tag on the piece and someone actually bought it. The embarrassed museum doesn’t think it’s so funny. Gradant said, “All I was trying to do was keep the men’s toilets flushing.” ***MARLAR: But if you’re interested, he is selling the blueprints to his kitchen.

In New York, Graceful Services Spa is offering a special massage for people who get sore from sending too many e-mail messages on their tiny BlackBerry keyboards. The two-way pager-like device has given rise to a condition known as “BlackBerry Thumb.”  The Blackberry Thumb massage is 60-bucks.  ***MARLAR: Doesn’t Blackberry Thumb sound like something Little Jack Horner would get?

Remember as a kid you’d say that you loved something and then one of your friends would say, “Oh yeah, well if you love it so much why don’t you marry it?!?” Well… that’s exactly what Mitch Hallen has done. He loves his television so much that he married it! Mitch, 42, wed his Sony Widescreen in a ceremony presided over by a priest – and a dozen of his pals looked on as he took his vows of high fidelity in his living room. He then placed a gold ring on top of the TV set and wore a matching band. Mitch said, “My TV gives me countless hours of pleasure without fussing, fighting or backchat.” ***MARLAR: As stupid as this sounds, how many of us wouldn’t love to have a volume control for our spouse?

California leads all U.S. states in the number of turkeys raised.  ***MARLAR: And some of them, it seems, may have participated in formulating the state’s energy policies.

There may be as many chickens in the world as there are people. ***MARLAR: We don’t know for sure though because chickens have a poor response rate when it comes to the census.

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