Darren’s Daily Dose of Weird News

If you were on the planet Mercury, it would seem like a year or more from one day to the next. That’s because Mercury, being close to the sun, revolves around it in only 88 days, completing one year. But it takes twice as long as that for Mercury to make one full rotation on its axis thus completing a full day. ***MARLAR: And the day would go even slower if you were in the office.

Anna Ferris was born Feb. 11, 1900, in New York City. That’s right, she’s 109-years-old. But she didn’t let her age stop her from participating in the annual senior games this past weekend at Thomas Bull Memorial Park in Orange County, New York. Her grandson Joe Begendorf says, “She’s doing this well because we try to keep her out of the wheelchair as much as possible.” So what did she accomplish at this year’s games? Well, she finished the 100-meter dash with support only from her walker, she used a metal bat to hit a softball 15 feet off a tee, she threw a football more than 9 feet and she even kicked a soccer ball and hit the back of the net! Joe says that was her proudest moment of the day and for all 109 years of splendor and life, she smiled with the excitement of a little girl.  ***MARLAR: She also came in first place in the “Yell at Kids to Get Off Your Lawn” contest.

Research of newly married couples at the University of Tennessee, hypothesizes that couples in which the man is more attractive than the woman are generally less happy than pairs where the wife is better looking — or the two have matching good looks.  ***MARLAR: Whoo hoo!  Good news for us ugly men of the world!

An American group has threatened to take an Israeli city before an international court for violating the rights to mermaids. The conflict began when Kiryat Yam offered a $1 million prize for anyone who could prove a mermaid really lived off their shores. The Mermaid Medical Association, of Brooklyn, New York, responded that the prize, “outrageously damages the legendary mermaid legacy,” and threatened to file a complaint with the International Court of Justice in The Hague, Netherlands. Officials have appealed to the association, suggesting that the search will help “perpetuate and preserve” the mermaid legend.  ***MARLAR: They’ve found plenty of singing crabs, just no mermaids.

Dalton Chiscolm is suing Bank of America for over $1.78 septillion — a septillion is 1 with 24 zeros after it. If Bank of America agreed to pay what its customer is asking, it would wipe out the bank’s $196 billion in common equity 9.1 trillion times over. Apparently, Chiscolm was unhappy because Bank of America would not deposit some of his checks due to problems with their routing numbers. Chiscolm’s lawsuit requests damages for his suffering, specifically, he asks that “1,784 billion, trillion dollars” be deposited into his ATM account the next day. He also demanded an additional $200,164,000.”  ***MARLAR: Which compared to his lawsuit is like asking for .0000000000000002 cents.  Hardly seems worth the effort now.

The new Oxford Dictionary of English reveals that the English language has 30 terms for insane people but only half a dozen terms for people who aren’t crazy.  ***MARLAR: But think about it.  Anyone who’s ever driven downtown would have to agree, that’s about the right ratio of crazy vs. sane.

Hair will fall out faster on a person that is on a crash diet.  ***MARLAR: Boy does that mess you up getting ready for your high school reunion!  Now you have to decide whether you’d rather show up fat or bald!

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