Darren’s Daily Dose of Weird News

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Police in Colorado arrested a 28-year-old man accused of passing out in a McDonald’s play area and telling his two children to bite the officers who were trying to arrest him. Colorado Springs police said officers had to use a Taser on Joshua Alger to subdue him Wednesday after he allegedly passed out drunk at the fast-food restaurant.  Police said Alger refused officers’ orders and at one point told his children to “bite the officers’ faces off.”  ***MARLAR: Which is more like an “UN-happy Meal.”

One north Georgia man got more than he bargained for when he bought a car from a towing company late last year. Officials with the Cherokee County Sheriff’s Office said Thursday that Tye Kuykendall found $200,000 in counterfeit money inside a hidden compartment behind the back seat of the car.  ***MARLAR: And you thought the “Cash for Clunkers” program was bust!

Fire department officials said an out-of-control inflatable gorilla was blamed for a rooftop blaze at a Houston shopping center. No injuries were reported in the fire early Thursday. The remnants of the inflatable gorilla were seen at the site.  District Chief Fred Hooker said some type of a “blowup doll” was on the roof, the item deflated and landed on some lights, leading to the fire.  ***MARLAR: Sometimes it’s not the best idea to use guerilla marketing.

Lack of money has deflated plans to release a giant banana blimp above Texas. Cesar Saez, a 39-year-old Montreal resident known for his public art, said he has been forced to cancel his aerial art due to insufficient funding. Saez said the floating banana “was to develop the idea of art in space.” A spokeswoman for Texas Gov. Rick Perry said, “From an artistic perspective, we’re sad to see the banana split, but it looks like this idea turned out to be a bunch of hot air.”

Businesses are looking for some big-time losers, when it comes to weight. A growing number of companies are starting fitness programs and competitions to encourage their workers to be healthier. Stacey Barich took part in a 12-week contest sponsored by her employer, Agora Incorporated, a newsletter publishing company in Baltimore. She lost 15 pounds and had a chance to win a-thousand dollars. When the contest ended, more than 80 employees had lost a total of a-half ton, with two people losing 40 pounds each. Marci Campbell of the University of Northern Carolina says companies want to cut back on the costs associated with having fat workers.  ***MARLAR: Well, there goes MY job security.

Chinese archaeologists digging in Inner Mongolia have discovered what may be the world’s oldest pair of earrings. They’re jade earrings measuring 2.5 to 6 centimeters in diameter, and from 7,500 to 8,200 years old. One scientist said we can tell from the near-identical match that people then could do amazing work without modern tools; and from their size, we can tell that the wearer needed large holes pierced in the ears, so they must’ve known how to fight inflammation. ***MARLAR: Do you think parents were the same back then?  “Getting your ears pierced?  I don’t think so – not until you’re sixteen young lady!  Now here’s a spear – go help your dad kill a boar for dinner.  Don’t poke your eye out!”

Soldiers in Belarus have been ordered to take up ballet as a way to improve “devotion and discipline.” Bellarussian military officials claim the discipline involved in learning dance moves and the passion music can produce are fundamental to military success. ***MARLAR: And when a soldier runs out of ammo, a few ballet moves could give him enough time to grab his enemy’s gun while the enemy is doubled over in laughter.

The Brazilian parliament has passed a bill banning people from giving their pets “human” names, and leveling fines and community service if they do. It still has to be approved by a community commission to become law. Bill author Pastor Reinaldo told Terra Noticias Populares, “It is terribly embarrassing when someone finds out that someone else has named their pets with their name.”  ***MARLAR: They do have a point.  I know it was always embarrassing to my little brother, Fido.

A survey in Travel and Leisure Magazine found that Philadelphia is the city with the least attractive people.  ***MARLAR: Milwaukee plans to appeal.

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