Darren’s Daily Dose of Weird News

(Darren is headlining tonight at THE NOOK in Kenosha, Wisconsin! Get the details on Darren’s Appearance Calendar!)

A New York City fourth-grader was sent to the principal’s office and nearly suspended for bringing a 2-inch toy gun to school. Nine-year-old Patrick Timoney and a friend were playing with Legos in the cafeteria at Public School 52 in Staten Island on Tuesday when Patrick produced the tiny plastic machine gun and put it in the hands of a plastic police officer. After Patrick’s mother got a call from the school, his parents met with the principal and persuaded her not to discipline him if he agreed to leave the toy gun at home. The boy’s father, also named Patrick Timoney, says principal Evelyn Mastroianni “went overboard.” ***MARLAR: The toy police officer has been suspended for not confiscating the gun from the fourth-grader.

The tip-off was the sunglasses. A New Yorker faces a $135 traffic fine for using a mannequin as her “plus one” in the high-occupancy vehicle lane of the Long Island Expressway. An alert sheriff’s deputy on Long Island became suspicious this week when he saw the “passenger” wearing sunglasses and using the visor. The problem: The sky was overcast. When he stopped the vehicle, he found the mannequin, fully dressed with a long dark wig, blazer, shirt and scarf. ***MARLAR: The driver said it was an honest mistake as he thought his plastic mannequin was actually Cher.

A woman wanting a cold drink took the term “drive-through” way too literally! Martha Bell of Savannah, Georgia, stopped for a cold drink at a Sonic drive-thru restaurant, when the pedal on her Jaguar got stuck. She proceeded to smash through a wall and drove right into the restaurant and only stopped when the car hit a freezer. Restaurant manager Daniel McCollum joked, “I guess our service just wasn’t fast enough.” ***MARLAR: I don’t think this is what they meant when they said, “Please drive through.”

A meteorologist broadcasting from the Iowa State Fair got a real surprise when a friendly snake slithered up his pants. Kurtis Gertz, a meteorologist with KCCI-TV in Des Moines, was performing the live broadcast alongside a python trainer who allowed Gertz to wear a giant Burmese python on his shoulders. The snake got a little friendlier with Gertz than he would have liked. He didn’t realize the snake had slithered up one of his pants legs until bystanders began gasping and pointing. ***MARLAR: Even snakes hate the weatherman!

Most people want to get rid of their old phone books, but a Las Cruces, New Mexico, woman has been indicted for fraud for allegedly keeping more than 100,000 directories. Debra Gottrell, 55, is accused of squirreling the phone books in three storage units over a four-year period instead of delivering them as she was hired to do. She was indicted on a charge of fraud. The directories were discovered when a worker at one of the storage units contacted Gottrell’s employer, Directory Plus, who said they lost an estimated $500,000 from the stolen directories. ***MARLAR: But they never reported it because they couldn’t find the number to call police.

A British woman who suffered muscle spasms in her vocal chords was able to speak again for the first time in 14 years after getting Botox injected around her voice box. ***MARLAR: Her husband is threatening to sue.

The latest trend among overbearing parents is to call job interviewers and demand to know why their kids weren’t hired. ***MARLAR: Maybe because the parents were so overbearing that they were actually AT the interview?

In Cape Coral, Florida, utility workers mistakenly hooked up four homes to the city’s treated wastewater instead of its purified drinking water. One family used the substandard water for more than three months. ***MARLAR: The family said they never noticed because it tasted the same as the water in their old hometown of Rockford, Illinois.

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