Darren’s Daily Dose of Weird News

(Get “more Marlar” every weekend with the Darren Marlar Show podcast at http://marlar.podomatic.com!)

An Alaska dentist has given a bald eagle a unique beak – using a temporary crown, sticky poster putty and yellow highlighter. The bird was found in December with severe damage to its beak, apparently from fishing line that wrapped around it and started cutting into it. Cindy Palmatier at the Bird Treatment and Learning Center says staff there decided to turn to dentist Kirk Johnson, who thought of patching up the beak with the same material used to make temporary crowns for people. The “crown” is being held on with poster putty, and Johnson colored it in using highlighter to give it a yellow tint. The bird center says the eagle is doing just fine but won’t be able to return to the wild. ***MARLAR: Because even the animal kingdom sees ugly nose jobs.

Police say a Massachusetts man who stuffed 75 bottles of body lotion in his pants couldn’t slip away from authorities, hampered by slacks that were nearly bursting at the seams. Springfield police say 30-year-old Chamil Guadarrama of Framingham was charged with larceny after the incident Wednesday night at Bath and Body Works in the Eastfield Mall. Police say mall security officers chased Guadarrama, but he had stuffed so many of the eight-ounce lotion containers in his pants that he could barely run. Police say he could not bend over to get in the police cruiser until some of the bottles were removed. ***MARLAR: His silky-smooth hands should make for great-looking fingerprints.

Single this Valentine’s Day? Well, so is Lynnette Granger. But she’s not letting couples have all the fun tomorrow. She says it’s a day to pamper and spoil someone special — herself. The Montgomery, Alabama, woman says on previous Valentine’s Days she’s made it a point to spend time with her family, then go out with her friends at night. Single guys can be a little self-indulgent, too. Jason Scoffield says he would rather buy a new video game for himself than waste the money on a Valentine’s Day date. ***MARLAR: Which explains why he’s still single.

Forget the candy or the roses. In China, the hot Valentine’s Day gift is matching nose jobs. The official newspaper China Daily reports couples are going under the knife together to get their noses and even their eyes done. One young woman said her boyfriend loved the idea of matching noses and readily paid the 12-hundred dollars for the surgery. Business at Shanghai’s plastic surgery clinics is up about 30 percent since the beginning of the month. ***MARLAR: Nothing says, “I love you” like a double dose of rhinoplasty.

The Japanese company Takko Shoji has a new product for Valentine’s day: “Black Garlic Chocolates.” They think people should eat more garlic for health reasons, so they developed a candy made of black garlic, which has a prune-like sweet-and-sour taste, coated with chocolate and dusted with cocoa powder. Outside Japan, they’re only available over the Internet. A spokesman said to those who worry garlic breath will kill the romance, “If both people eat them, there’ll be no problem.” ***MARLAR: It’s the perfect gift for people afraid of Count Chocula.

A Tempe, Arizona, Krispy Kreme that went bankrupt is auctioning off its equipment, including a machine that makes 600 dozen donuts an hour. ***MARLAR: How rotten of a businessman do you have to be to not be able to make a profit with Krispy Kreme doughnuts? Law enforcement by itself should keep you in the black.

The Heart Attack Grill in Tempe, Arizona, is offering a Quadruple Bypass Burger with two pounds of beef, three layers of cheese, four layers of bacon and 8,000 calories. ***MARLAR: For 80 cents extra, you can get it with a Diet Coke.

Men who eat a moderate amount of vegetables, especially green leafy vegetables such as broccoli and spinach, have a far lower risk of developing colon cancer, according to a new study from the National Cancer Institute in Bethesda, MD. ***MARLAR: Proving that marriage is saving my life. Before getting married the closest thing to vegetables I’d eat was green Jell-O.

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