Darren’s Daily Dose of Weird News

A 9-1-1 dispatcher in Dodge Country, Wisconsin was stunned for a moment when a caller told her she needed a nanny.  The sheriff’s department dispatcher asked the woman to say again what she wanted… and the caller, sounding a little exasperated, said she was calling 9-1-1 because she needed a baby sitter.  The dispatcher then explained that her office doesn’t handle those kinds of emergencies.  ***MARLAR: Including dirty diapers. 

A Florida company is offering to beam Internet blogs into space so aliens can read them.  ***MARLAR: We may have to search the entire universe, but dagnabbit, we’ll find SOMEBODY who’ll read my online rantings!

The Pentagon is looking for about one-thousand foreign-language speakers who can help the government in times of war and national emergencies.  The civilian Language Corps is a three-year pilot program.  The Defense Department will recruit volunteers and conduct testing to see if such a program would work. Pentagon spokesman Robert Slater says if the program is successful, a permanent corps could be developed.  The Language Corps would be a pool of people who could be called on to help in humanitarian crises at home or overseas, and in wars if they volunteer to do so.  The global war on terror has called attention to the U-S military’s shortage of people who speak such foreign languages as Arabic.  ***MARLAR: You can count me out.  I can only speak one language – although I could probably learn Canadian if I had to.

A recent survey found that one-quarter of Americans are bilingual. ***MARLAR: The rest of the country is still wondering what “bilingual” means.

Talk about a hot seat! Japanese toilet makers are warning about flaming commodes. The Japanese government has ordered an investigation after reports of more than 100 burning or smoking johns. The toilets in question are bidet models, equipped with electric seats and warm water sprays. ***MARLAR: What do you expect would happen when you combine a heating element and natural gas?

In Medieval England serfs paid an effective tax rate of 33.3% to their Lords. They were considered slaves. In the U.S. the highest marginal tax rate is over 39%. In England this tax rate allowed one to claim slave status.  ***MARLAR: Here it’s called “paying your fair share.” Have a nice day.

If you were to rub garlic on the heel of your foot, it would be absorbed by the pores and eventually show up on your breath. ***MARLAR: Of course, there are much more enjoyable ways to get bad breath, but they call cause smelly feet.

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