Darren’s Daily Dose of Weird News

The European Space Agency’s chief scientist has suggested that we build a “Noah’s Ark” on the moon, so if the Earth is destroyed by an asteroid or nuclear holocaust, every species of plant and animal will survive.  ***MARLAR: Yeah, but they’d be on the MOON… and the moon doesn’t get cable.  (If we’re going to build a Noah’s Ark complex to save every species of plant an animal in case of global emergency, can we at least agree this time around to leave out fleas, mosquitoes, cockroaches and chiggers?)

In Modesto, California, an 8-year-old boy swiped his teacher’s car keys and took her minivan for a joyride, cruising safely home and into the record books as the city’s youngest auto thief. The third-grader told officers he “just wanted to drive around for a while” when he left the school. Nothing was damaged and no one was hurt and police said they wouldn’t charge him with a crime, though he was suspended from school.  ***MARLAR: He’s also been asked to teach the student driving program for the summer.

While some people are still a little bit shy about Internet dating, it’s been around longer than you think. Chicago’s Chris and Pam Dunn claim to be the first couple to be married after meeting online. Chris Dunn met Pam Jensen on a CompuServe CB Simulator program that linked computer users nationwide in an early version of a chat room. That was back in 1982! After a few months of virtual chatting, Chris booked a flight from New York to Chicago to meet Pam face-to-face. They married a year later and last month celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary.  ***MARLAR: They celebrated by sending each other an e-Card.

Computers may be necessities, but they’re not exactly beloved. In an online survey by the University of Maryland, 20 percent of respondents said they’d gotten so angry at a computer, they’d “crashed” it by throwing it to the floor. Others admitted cursing, smashing and microwaving their computers. One man said he’d thrown his laptop in a deep fryer, and three men had shot their computers. ***MARLAR: You have to expect a little attitude from your laptop when you keep calling it “Mac.”

Philadelphia’s University of the Sciences discovered that ingesting 4 tablespoons of extra virgin olive oil a day provides pain relief similar to taking Ibuprofin.  ***MARLAR: Especially if it’s administered in a big plate of lasagna.

A lightning bolt embodies as much as 30,000 amps of electricity, reaches a temperature of 54,000-degrees Fahrenheit (give or take a few degrees), and may be anywhere from 300 yards to 4 miles long.  ***MARLAR: Think that’s a big charge?  You should see the charges on my last Visa bill.

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