Darren’s Daily Dose of Weird News

62-year-old Edward Ates is up on murder charges in Hackensack, New Jersey, and he’s chosen an interesting defense. Ates says he’s too fat to have killed his former son-in-law– at least not the way prosecutors claim it happened. The victim, 40-year-old Paul Duncsak, was shot six times as he walked down a hallway in his home. The shooter first fired from a staircase leading to the basement. That was followed by several shots fired head-on. In order to do that, Ates’ attorney says his client would have had to run up the stairs. At 5- feet-8 and 285 pounds, the attorney says he was just too fat to have pulled it off. At the time of the killing, Duncsak and Ates’ daughter were involved in a bitter custody dispute after their divorce. Early in court testimony, Ates’ doctor testified that bounding up the stairs would have caused Ates to become short of breath and shake, making it difficult to keep his wrist straight enough to accurately fire a gun at someone from a distance. (myway.com)  ***MARLAR: Not guilty by reason of gluttony!

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), a 5′ 10” person weighing 174 pounds has a Body Mass Index of 25, which places that person in the category of “overweight.” A 5′ 10” person weighing 209 pounds is considered “obese” by the CDC’s Body Mass Index. I’m 5’11” and 331 pounds.  ***MARLAR: I’m apparently dead.

Are we so PC now that Humpty Dumpty can’t even have a great fall? The BBC has been criticized after rewriting the classic nursery rhyme to have a happy ending. The last line, “All the king’s horses and all the king’s men, couldn’t put Humpty together again,” was changed for a kids show to say, “All the kings horses and all the kings men made Humpty Dumpty happy again!” Tom Harris watched the show, called “Something Special,” with his sons aged three and five and said, “For goodness sake. Kids should be exposed to real life a bit, not cosseted away. We need to stop this moronic activity. Let them see colorful and violent cartoons, and let them be children.” Apparently in the show Little Miss Muffet was also revised to where she made friends with the spider rather than running away. But a BBC spokeswoman said, “The small change to Humpty Dumpty was for no other reason than being creative and entertaining.”  ***MARLAR: Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet eating her curds and weigh.  A little black spider sat down beside her and said “Hey, you beautiful thang you – can I buy you another?”

A study by Wisconsin University found 13% of the U.S. general population are severely shy.  ***MARLAR: However, this cannot be verified, as 13% of those surveyed sat silent with red faces, sweaty palms, and refused to answer any questions whatsoever.

A 70-year-old widower in Germany won a $4 million lottery, but he says he doesn’t want the money because his wife is gone and he has no children, so he doesn’t know what he’d do with it.  ***MARLAR: Wow . . . he was married so long that he forgot how to spend his own money!

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