(Are you reading these news kickers? Be sure to leave a comment!)
A judge in New York ruled that begging for money is a protected form of free speech. ***MARLAR: Which received a huge sigh of relief from all of the government buildings.
A Romanian angler managed to swallow one of his own hooks after mixing up his packed lunch with his bait. The man had prepared several hooks with bait and kept them in a tin while fishing. When the man became hungry he reached for a similar tin which his wife had used to pack his lunch, but ended up grabbing the wrong one. He pulled out the fish food instead of his own and swallowed the hook as well. He was taken to a local hospital after other anglers saw him shouting and running about in considerable distress. Doctors managed to detach the barbed hook from his throat after a two-hour operation. (Ouch!) ***MARLAR: If you’re so dense that you can mistake fish bait on a treble hook for your wife’s cooking, you need to buy her a cookbook… and yourself a lifetime supply of Tums.
Two Las Vegas girls got a lot more of a ride than they bargained for when one of the city’s great attractions came to a screeching halt. The girls were left dangling on the Insanity Ride when it got stuck 900-feet above the Las Vegas strip. They hung there for more than an hour. Nothing but a safety belt held them in as 30 to 50 mile per hour winds reportedly whipped around the ride. Three security guards scaled the tower using chains to manually pull the girls to safety. The ride’s owner offered them a year of free rides. ***MARLAR: Oh yeah, I’m sure they snatched that offer right up. “Hey, let’s put ourselves in mortal danger… again!”
Hannibal the frog, like all frogs, set out to return during mating season to the very place his life began. But unlike some frogs, Hannibal had the daunting task of trying to return to the Aquarium of the Lakes in Cumbria, in the UK, a quarter of a mile away. Now, here’s where the game “Frogger” comes in… Hannibal, who earlier in the year was set free into the wild, successfully made the journey back to his artificial pond at the aquarium in time for mating season, but it wasn’t easy. In the process he had to cross a busy street, then perfectly time his hops across the aquarium’s electric sliding doors, climb up two flights of stairs, sneak by two otters, and then finally go through two other sections of the aquarium before making it to the pond. The aquarium had taken Hannibal, along with 100 other frogs, to a natural pond, expecting him to settle into his new surroundings. They will now keep him at the aquarium fearing he’ll try another daring escapade. ***MARLAR: I’m surprised he didn’t croak.
The National Science Society has announced that 70 percent of Americans do not understand science. ***MARLAR: The remaining 80% don’t understand math.
There’s such a worldwide shortage of trained butlers that a good one can now command up to $500,000 a year. ***MARLAR: Unless you work for Paris Hilton… at which point you are WAY underpaid.