(Be sure to leave your comments if you are reading my weird news items!)
Reverend Tim Haberkorn of Topeka, Kansas has a unique way of seeing the heavens and the earth. He jumps out of airplanes. The skydiving priest says he’s made more than 600 parachute jumps in the last 20 years. He says his hobby is a way for parishioners in his Kansas congregation to see his human side. Haberkorn tells the Topeka Capital-Journal the view from a parachute “helps one to see the vastness of God’s glory.” ***MARLAR: And brings you closer to God if your parachute has problems.
The Homeland Security Department asked a group of science fiction writers to help them try to dream up ways that terrorists might attack America. ***MARLAR: That’s right… Homeland Security is about to be handed off to a bunch of geeks wearing Vulcan ears and speaking Klingon. (By the way, on tonight’s rerun of “Star Trek,” Captain Kirk goes mad upon learning that the Enterprise has no bathrooms.)
A food fight, which started as a senior prank has resulted in criminal charges against three students at Illinois’ West Aurora High. Police say about 200 students were in the cafeteria when the french fries, milk, sandwiches and pizza started flying. Senior Zach Little says it was insane, and expensive, too. He says kids were buying food just to throw. Rumors of last Thursday’s food fight had been circulating all week. Principal John Glimco says a prank is supposed to be funny not dangerous. Police report an officer broke his foot as the result of the melee. One senior faces felony charges, while two younger students are charged with misdemeanors as juveniles. ***MARLAR: What about the food service workers? They’re the ones who supplied the kids with deadly weapons to begin with!
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. ***MARLAR: Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa’s reindeer, EVERY one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a female. We should’ve known … ONLY women would be able to drag an overweight man in a red velvet suit all around the World in one night and not get lost !!!
During the Middle Ages you could be accused of witchcraft if your pets disobeyed you. ***MARLAR: Are they kidding? It would require a spell just go get my cat to ACKNOWLEDGE me.