Darren’s Daily Dose of Weird News

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In Goshen, Indiana, several motorists called to report a swerving vehicle. When police arrived, the vehicle — and ice cream truck — was stopped and the driver was selling ice cream to children, so the officer waited until Dennis D. Cogburn started up again. The officer said he followed the van and pulled it over after Cogburn failed to signal turns and swerved into the wrong lane. Cogburn failed field sobriety tests and was arrested on a preliminary charge of driving under the influence of alcohol.  ***MARLAR: He immediately blamed it on being overstocked with Rum Raisin.

This past Saturday in Boston, the three little bears hauled Goldilocks to court and charged her with breaking-and-entering as well as vandalism charges! A group of 60 Girls Scouts of eastern Massachusetts acted as the jury in the mock trial at Northeastern University Law School. Lawyers from the Massachusetts Bar Association sat in as judge, prosecutor and defense attorney for the trial. The event was dubbed “Innocent or Guilty: Commonwealth vs. Gold E. Locks.” And it just wasn’t her day. Gold E. Locks was found guilty on all counts.  ***MARLAR: Next comes sentencing where they determine a punishment that’s not too hard, not too light, but just right.

Police in Detroit are looking for a bank robber in desperate need of some dental hygiene. Tellers at the Charter One bank branch that was held up described him as having crooked yellow teeth and particularly bad breath. Witnesses also say he looks and smells dirty. Bad Breath Boy handed the tellers a note demanding money. While he implied he had a gun, no weapon was ever displayed. ***MARLAR: Police plan on charging him with assault with a deadly weapon anyway.

A teenager from Glastonbury, England is now the proud owner of the world’s longest name. 19-year-old George Garratt spent $20 bucks for an online deed service to legally change his name to: “Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine Hulk And The Flash Combined.” The boy said the name change, unofficially the world’s longest name, has his grandmother so outraged that she stopped speaking to him. Captain, as he is now called, said his family has come to expect such antics from him. He came up with the superhero theme on his own, then his friends made suggestions as to what names should be included. ***MARLAR: His family had a lot more names to call him, but we can’t list them here.

The University of Birmingham, England, found that if you let certain germs feed on chocolate nougat and caramel, they produce enough hydrogen to power a small fan. Instead of throwing away uneaten chocolate, candy companies could use the bacteria to convert it into hydrogen to run their factories or to sell to energy companies.  ***MARLAR: What exactly is “uneaten chocolate?”

Hollywood producers say they are bringing the 1970’s TV series Kung Fu to the big screen. ***MARLAR: You knew Ralph Macchio would have to get work again eventually!

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