Darren’s Daily Dose of Weird News – April 04, 2010

A Suffolk County husband and wife are facing charges of tampering in connection to packages of Jell-O pudding mix that were found to contain salt and sand.  Suffolk County police arrested 68-year-old Alexander Clement and 64-year-old Christine Clement on Sunday. The East Northport residents are facing multiple counts of petit larceny and tampering with a consumer product.  Authorities said Christine Clement bought the boxes from four Long Island stores, removed the contents, and refilled them with a mix of salt and sand.  ***MARLAR: Apparently they were working on a new Jell-O South Beach Diet.

A Chicago woman used her one phone call from the Naperville jail, not for a friend, relative or attorney, but to call 911. ***MARLAR: Because even from jail, you can never find a cop when you need one.

A new survey has found that sending a text message is now the most popular way to ask someone out on a first date. ***MARLAR: It’s also the most popular way to tell someone they are a complete loser for not having the guts to ask you out in person.

Authorities said a man wearing a sleeping bag as a cape and carrying a screwdriver as a weapon tried to rob someone in the parking lot of a Gainesville business. Police said a 46-year-old man approached the intended victim early Sunday morning and asked for money. When the man refused, police said the man threw off the cape and pulled the screwdriver from his waistband. The other man quickly ran into a store and called 911.  ***MARLAR: What has this world come to when even the super-villains can’t afford decent accessories?

The FBI is looking for a bank robber who makes a slow getaway. The agency says the bandit hits banks and escapes by bike. The FBI reports the robber struck again yesterday, sticking-up a bank in southern New Jersey. The FBI says the same man has robbed three banks in the area since October. Each time, investigators say he’s gotten away on a bicycle. FBI spokesman J.J. Klaver says it’s the first he’s ever heard of a robber pedaling away from the scene of a crime.  ***MARLAR: “Hands up, this is a stickup!  No funny business, no dye packs – and put the money in the basket on that bicycle over there with the banana seat!”

What started off as an April Fool’s Day joke may land a Seattle woman in jail for sending out 25 false jury summonses to her friends. ***MARLAR: Forget jail; the perfect punishment is to make this lady serve on a jury twenty-five times in a row.

A company in Europe is being criticized for selling tickets to a lottery to win plastic surgery.  ***MARLAR: Isn’t that what most lottery winners spend it on, anyway?

A recent study shows that easy listening music is not relaxing to most people. In fact, most find it to be annoying. Elevator music tends to cause most listeners to become irritable and short-tempered.  ***MARLAR: And yet we play it when people are trapped in a small box with no quick escape.  Genius.

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