Authorities say twenty-nine-year-old Brenna Reilly of Arlington, Virginia pretended to be an FBI agent and conned her neighbors into taking jobs as her assistants. ***MARLAR: The neighbors finally got suspicious when they realized that baby-sitting Brenna’s kids and picking up her dog’s poop in her backyard didn’t exactly sound like official FBI business.
A man who has been charged with making a naked dash through a Tennessee supermarket told police he was “bored and didn’t have anything else to do.” ***MARLAR: Dude, buy a book. Might I suggest, “The Emperor’s New Clothes”?
The British government suggested that architects make stairways more attractive to encourage obese people to use them instead of elevators. ***MARLAR: As an obese person myself, let me just say that the only way that’s going to happen is if they design the stairs to be escalators.
New parents who don’t have enough to obsess over can now give an I.Q. test to babies as young as six months. Fisher-Price paid child expert Dr. Dorothy Einon to create the 10-question test. It determines a baby’s intellectual development by its reactions to such things as being fed, dropping a teddy bear, playing “This Little Piggy,” enjoying nursery rhymes, playing with toy phones, performing “pat-a-cake,” hearing its name and waving goodbye. ***MARLAR: I enjoy all of those things – I must be a genius!
What do you think the world’s oldest living animal is? The honor goes to a clam found off the coast of Iceland thought to be more than 400 years old. The clam was nicknamed Ming after the Chinese dynasty in power when it was born. Researchers from Bangor University in north Wales said they calculated its age to be between 400 and 410 by counting the rings on its shell. So Ming was alive when Queen Elizabeth I was on the throne and Shakespeare was writing his plays. Professor Chris Richardson, from Bangor University’s School of Ocean Sciences, said the clam’s discovery could help shed light on how some animals can live to extraordinary ages. ***MARLAR: And yet here I can’t keep seafood fresh in the fridge for more than four days.
A new survey in the aftermath of April 1st reveals that 98.5% of people think workplace practical jokes are important for company morale. ***MARLAR: The remaining 1.5% are tired of having “kick me” signs stuck to their backs.
The FCC officially banned cell phone use on planes, saying they can’t guarantee that it’s safe. ***MARLAR: Especially when you’re distracted by the kid kicking the back of your seat.
The luxurious Hotel Cortisen in Austria allows dogs but has banned young children because nowadays, they’re so badly-behaved. ***MARLAR: At least people still housebreak their dogs.