Darren’s Daily Dose of Weird News – April 13, 2010

An Ohio man says his 8-year-old son was just trying to do him a favor and get gasoline when the boy drove the family’s minivan and crashed it. James Crouch says he didn’t even realize his son, Jordan, was out of the house Friday morning until a Clermont County sheriff’s deputy came to the family’s home in Bethel and woke him up to let him know what happened. ***MARLAR: Dad says it wasn’t any big deal, he’s sent his son out before for other things like cigarettes and liquor.

An upstate New York man was accused of stealing a vacuum cleaner from a department store on Friday – with his children there. State police said Richard Dekenipp was charged with endangering the welfare of a child and robbery. After the 42-year-old man allegedly stole the vacuum cleaner, police said he struck a security guard with his car in the parking lot.  The guard wrote down his license plate and Dekenipp was later arrested at his home. His car was found abandoned at the Finger Lakes Gaming and Racetrack parking lot.  ***MARLAR: Why would he need a vacuum?  His parenting sucks enough.

North Texas authorities seized 22 dogs found crammed inside a station wagon with their owner. The owner locked the car doors and refused to come out when a constable tried to serve her a warrant for the seizure of the dogs early Monday. No one can figure out why the person did this.  ***MARLAR: What made it worse is that one of the dogs was a seeing eye dog in the driver’s seat.

Spain has just lowered the minimum intelligence requirements for military recruits in an effort to increase the size of its forces. The lowest acceptable IQ has been cut from 90 to 70 to try to ensure there will be 85,000 professional soldiers by the end of the year. Psychologists said an IQ of 70 was the minimum for normal behavior and soldiers with such low IQs could have problems with understanding.  ***MARLAR: New military commercials now tout, “We do more before Mickey’s small hand is on the 9 and his big hand is on the 12 then most people do in a day!”

Police in Sicily arrested a top Mafia godfather and found that he carried a copy of the long-rumored, top secret “Mafia Ten Commandments” in a leather briefcase at all times. The secret Cosa Nostra rules are: “1. No one can present himself directly to another of our friends. There must be a third person to do it. 2. Never look at the wives of friends. 3. Never be seen with cops. 4. Don’t go to pubs and clubs. 5. Always be available for Cosa Nostra, even if your wife’s about to give birth. 6. Appointments must be respected. 7. Wives must be treated with respect. 8. When asked for any information, the answer must be the truth. 9. Money cannot be appropriated if it belongs to others or to other families. And 10. People who can’t be part of Cosa Nostra are anyone with a close relative in the police, with a two-timing relative in the family, anyone who behaves badly and doesn’t hold to moral values.”  ***MARLAR: “Doesn’t hold to moral values?”  This is the mafia – which exists ill-gotten gains.  Shouldn’t everyone in the mafia be kicked out of the mafia?

The early Daylight Saving change may have backfired. It was supposed to save us energy; instead, the extra sunshine encouraged drivers to get out and use more fuel. Also, the change required people to get up when it was still dark and turn on the lights.  ***MARLAR: It would’ve worked if they’d used dim bulbs – like the ones in Congress.

A week after Freddie disappeared from its yard near Bozeman, Montana, the dog came home. Owner Jill Sleven says it was covered with ice and bug bites, so she took Freddie to the vet for a checkup. The vet explained the dog’s disappearance: talon marks showed that the Pekinese mix had been carried off by an eagle and that he’s lucky to be alive. The veterinarian remarked that Freddie “seemed remarkably chipper for what he’d been through.”  ***MARLAR: Considering he looked like he’d gone THROUGH the chipper!

A pizzeria in Florence, Italy, was fined nearly $4,000 (US) for a hygiene violation after a customer found a human tooth baked into the crust of his pizza. The diner paid the bill but declined an offer of a free dinner and pressed legal charges. The owner’s lawyer said the heavy fine was “insanity,” and demanded, “How is the owner of the pizzeria going to force employees to go to the dentist every day or strap a lid over their mouths?”  ***MARLAR: How about if he just offers a dental plan?

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