Darren’s Daily Dose of Weird News – August 08, 2010

WeirdNewsEight-year-old Logan Fisher is fed up with crime. And he’s making sure the leaders of his Minnesota city know it.  Logan was ticked because thieves broke into his Brooklyn Park home last month and stole thousands of dollars worth of electronics, not to mention his wallet filled with quarters.  So the soon-to-be fourth-grader climbed a stool and took the podium at this week’s City Council meeting. The Star Tribune reports he wrote out his speech in pencil, then had his mom type it up.  He said, “We need to get mean and we need to mean it.”  ***MARLAR: He’s now being sued by the U.S. Government because standing up to criminals is THEIR job.

A memorial service is planned to mourn the 109 Canada geese euthanized to keep the birds from overrunning parks in an Oregon city.  The service will be held Thursday evening at the Galveston Bridge in Bend’s Drake Park.  Foster Fell, who had urged the Parks & Recreation District not to kill the geese, says he hopes the event will help people console each other.  ***MARLAR: After the wake, mourners are invited to a dinner of buffalo wings, fried chicken and Foie gras.

A South Florida man reportedly drove his sport utility vehicle through the front of his house after arguing with his wife. Police said officers responded to the home Sunday night to find the home’s front door, window and wall in pieces. The man’s wife told police that he had become angry at a Fourth of July party earlier, and the two continued to argue on the drive home. The wife and four of their children, who had also been in the SUV, got out of the vehicle and went inside. Moments later, the wife reported hearing a boom and saw the SUV in the living room.  Officers reported that the man’s speech was slurred and he smelled like alcohol. He declined a blood-alcohol test.  The man faces several charges, including DUI property damage.  ***MARLAR: I know what a DUI is, and I know what property damage is, but “DUI property damage”?  So you get nailed for driving drunk, you get nailed for damaging property, but then you get nailed a third time for damaging that exact same property while driving drunk which you’ve already been nailed for?  (Kinda sounds like overkill, doesn’t it?)

A 29-year-old Anchorage man who fled a traffic stop by jumping into a small lake and taking off his clothes was arrested after authorities fished him out.  Joshua Ellis was arrested Wednesday evening on charges of eluding, resisting arrest, false information and driving while intoxicated. His bail has been set at $5,000.  ***MARLAR: What, they didn’t get him for streaking?

If your stock portfolio isn’t performing as well as you’d like, maybe you could hand it over to these fifth-graders. Four students at Tullar Elementary School in Neenah won a recent Wisconsin Stock Market Game, turning $100,000 of hypothetical money into more than $203,000 in 10 weeks. The winning team of Annie Czech, Bailey Morton, Jen Sagehorn and Sam Weiler invested exclusively in 15 financial stocks, of which 13 proved profitable. “It felt amazing,” Bailey said. “It felt like I was getting a quick sugar rush.” “I was really excited,” Annie said. “I wanted to scream.”  ***MARLAR: As did clients of Bernie Madoff.

According to the calculations of Business Week Magazine, the best place to raise your kids is in Alabama. Huntsville is at the top of the list followed by Dothan and Hoover. The city is best known as the home of the U.S. Space & Rocket Center, where scientists designed space rockets in the 1950s and visitors now come for interactive exhibits, rides, and movies. The 104-acre Huntsville Botanical Garden has a new Children’s Garden and Nature Center, which claims to have the nation’s largest seasonal butterfly house.  ***MARLAR: It’s great to raise kids because everybody in the state is family.

The U.N. is trying to promote the idea of combating world hunger by eating insects. Three dozen scientists from 15 nations suggested that the U.N. help promote small-scale insect ranches, distribute recipes, encourage the harvesting of locusts and other insects to grind into a paste to add to food, and even encourage astronauts to raise bugs in space to eat rather than try to carry meat. A Dutch entomologist known as “Mr. Edible Insect” blames Western disgust at eating bugs for the failure of aid agencies to incorporate insects into their mix, saying, “They are completely biased.”  ***MARLAR: He’s just not trying hard enough.  This guy needs to go to the (LOCAL COUNTY FAIR) – he’ll see that we’ll eat anything if it’s dipped in batter and deep-fried.

An intruder smashed through the window of an empty business in Orangeburg, South Carolina. Cops showed up in time to catch the culprit looking like a deer caught in the headlights. It was a deer caught in the glaring lights of two officers. But, when one of the cops opened the door, the deer ran off. That deer caused about $800 in damage when it crashed through the large glass window. The officers’ report says simply that the crime was property damage and forced entry. And, the “subject” was a “large male deer.”  ***MARLAR: And now, by law, the business has a “Deer-Crossing” sign in the lobby.

In a poll, 55% of Californians said they consider illegal aliens to be criminals.  ***MARLAR: Gee… really?  And what was their first clue?  The fact that they’re called ILLEGAL aliens?

An Australian artist who thought his talent was being unfairly ignored was jailed for three months for launching a bomb scare to get attention.  ***MARLAR: It worked though – and now he’s complaining about being unfairly incarcerated.

Teenagers who have a television in their bedroom tend to eat a poor diet, have bad exercise habits and have lower grades in school than their friends who don’t have a TV in their room, according to a new study from the University of Minnesota School of Public Health.  ***MARLAR: I knew my poor health wasn’t my fault!  It’s all because of Gilligan’s Island!!!

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