A rural east Texas man has been reunited with his long-lost gun more than two decades after it was stolen. Kauffman County Sheriff’s Office spokeswoman Pat Laney says burglars took the gun from Bruce Garner’s home in Terrell, Texas soon after he moved there in June 1989. ***MARLAR: It’s the story of the prodigal gun.
South Carolina woman found out fast food won’t make your car go fast. The Herald of Rock Hill reported a 30-year-old woman made a complaint to police after she took her car to a Rock Hill mechanic because it would suddenly stop running. Police said a mechanic found a cheeseburger and pickle inside the car’s gas tank. ***MARLAR: It’s an honest mistake. After all, whenever I eat a cheeseburger I DO get gas.
Cincinnati police say a speeding driver tried to flee arrest while obeying red lights. Police said a 26-year-old woman was going 78 mph in a 55 mph zone early Friday on Interstate 75 when an officer tried to pull her over. Police said she exited the highway to drive home. Police say that when the woman reached local streets, she drove the speed limit and stopped at red lights. They used sticks that punctured her tires, just yards from her home. ***MARLAR: Remember now, if you’re going to break the law – don’t break the law while doing it!
A cell phone store manager in South Florida dissuaded an armed man from robbing the store by telling him Jesus wouldn’t approve. Instead of panicking when the suspect pulled a weapon, Nayara Goncalves started talking with him. He was jobless, and the 20-year-old Christian offered to connect him with friends who could help him find work. She said she believed the man when he said he attended church and wasn’t a bad person. She told him the answer to his financial problems wasn’t in the cash register. Then, the clerk nudged him with a little sin of her own. She said the store would hold her responsible for any cash he stole. ***MARLAR: The robber tried to steal, but the clerk lied. They are both equally guilty.
Researchers studying a disease that causes people to suddenly nod off are trying to turn what they have learned into a new sleep aid. The research team at the Swiss drug company Actelion Pharmaceuticals reports it found that blocking brain receptors for orexin, a blood peptide, promoted sleep in rats, dogs and people. Orexin is important in maintaining wakefulness and is absent in the brains of people who suffer from narcolepsy. ***MARLAR: It’s almost as effective for sleep as forcing people to listen to John Tesh.
Sweaters for dolphins? Some people in Washington state are knitting hats, mittens and sweaters for dolphins. It’s their way of needling the Navy. The knitters are protesting the Navy using dolphins from warm San Diego to guard a Trident submarine base in cold Washington. ***MARLAR: We have soldiers on the frontlines without the proper protective gear in the line of fire, but these geniuses are knitting sweaters for dolphins.
A man in Iran has been ordered by an Iranian court to buy his wife 124,000 red roses — at a cost of $265,000 — for being too stingy. It is traditional in Iran that married women be given a “mahr” or dowry by their husbands. In this case, the bride claimed her mahr after being married ten years to a man she described as being too cheap to even buy her a cup of coffee. Under Iranian law, not providing mahr when claimed could send a man to prison. ***MARLAR: Good thing for me I always offer to Super Size my wife’s dinner.
A Michigan man is in the hospital after he was accidentally shot by his cat. State troopers showed up at Joseph Stanton’s home in Bates Township to find him wounded in the lower torso. The 29-year-old man was cooking when his cat knocked a loaded nine-millimeter handgun off the counter. The gun discharged and a bullet struck Stanton. Stanton was taken to a county hospital for treatment. ***MARLAR: What’s harder to believe here, that a cat accidentally shot somebody, or that a man was cooking?
A small alligator was spotted sunbathing by a small pond not far from New York City recently. Police helped capture the two-foot-long gator in the Long Island community of Huntington. Now, the SPCA is trying to find out who released the alligator. An official says the animal had probably been raised in captivity and would be unable to fend for itself in the wild. It’s also against the law in New York to own an alligator. ***MARLAR: Unless it’s in the form of shoes or a bag.
A study at Harvard University says that young boys who play with action figures that have big muscles and flat, rock-hard abs suffer from low self esteem. ***MARLAR: So give your son a Barbie doll instead… it’s better for his self-esteem.
The Supreme Court ruled that a woman who tripped and fell over letters, packages and magazines left on her front porch can sue the U.S. Postal Service for the wrist and back injuries she suffered. ***MARLAR: So don’t be surprised if the price of stamps suddenly goes up by another six cents tomorrow.