Darren’s Daily Dose of Weird News: December 13, 2010

NEW NEWS…

Folks in Fort Lauderdale, just had a record low of 42 degrees for Dec. 7-breaking a record that had been in place for 169 years according to the National Weather Service in Miami.  ***MARLAR: Floridians are now taking to the streets with aerosol cans and leaving their cars running in the hopes of initiating that elusive Global Warming.

The owner of a Mishawaka, Indiana satellite television business has laid himself off so his few remaining employees could keep their jobs.  Unicom Satellite co-owner and President Mike Venable and his business partner have gone without their paychecks for about eight weeks.  The business had to close locations in Indianapolis, Fort Wayne, and Ann Arbor, Mich., and downsized from 60 installers to one. Only three employees are left.  ***MARLAR: Meaning, when the cable guys say they’ll be at your house between 8am and 5pm, they STILL won’t be on time.

If you think this country’s legal system is in the toilet, here’s one for you… A divided Michigan Supreme Court has ruled that 58-year-old Sheri Schooley – who broke her hand while she was reaching for toilet paper – can sue a restaurant over her injury.   The aggrieved Schooley acknowledges it’s a “bizarre story.” She says she was at the Texas Roadhouse in Taylor, Mich., when the cover on the toilet paper dispenser fell on her right hand, and broke it.  The court says a jury should decide whether the dispenser created an unreasonable risk of harm.  ***MARLAR: Seriously?  Since when is using a public restroom NOT an unreasonable risk of harm?

An Oregon man has had an Awesome name change.  Douglas Allen Smith Jr. says he changed his name to Captain Awesome because he was inspired by the nickname of a character on the NBC television show “Chuck” — Dr. Devon “Captain Awesome” Woodcomb.    The former Mr. Smith faced a judge who questioned his seriousness. The judge that granted the request made him swear he wasn’t changing his name for fraudulent reasons.  Awesome says that judge also allowed him to sign his name as a right arrow, a smiley face and a left arrow.  He says his bank, however, has refused to accept the signature because it could be forged too easily.  ***MARLAR: Plus, the man’s wife is saying the name “Captain Awesome” isn’t really an accurate description of him anyway.

RETRO NEWS: FORMERLY NEW, NOW NOT NEW, BUT STILL ENTERTAINING…

In 2009, Central City, New Orleans area residents held a celebration because the city went ten straight days without a murder! ***MARLAR: Wow — if you live in New Orleans, the bar on what constitutes good news has just been seriously lowered.

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December.   Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.  ***MARLAR: Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa’s reindeer, EVERY one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a female.  We should’ve known… ONLY women would be able to drag an overweight man in a red velvet suit all around the World in one night and not get lost!!!

In the world of owls, there may be none tougher than the great horned owl that flew into the front of a moving Ford F-250 pickup in Haysville, Indiana. Despite becoming trapped inside the grill and mangling the truck’s radiator, the owl survived! Conservation Officer Tony Mann said the bird was conscious and appeared to have a broken or dislocated wing and assorted scrapes. He was able to free the owl and sent it to a wildlife rehabilitator in Vincennes for treatment. The truck didn’t fare so well and had to be towed from the scene.  ***MARLAR: The car’s owner said having a bird on the grill was pretty cool – he’d always wanted to drive a Thunderbird.

It’s not exactly the best way to start a new marriage. In Sevierville, Tennessee, police say newlyweds Brian Dykes and Mindy McGhee were arrested on their wedding night after burglarizing the chapel where they were married! Both took their vows at the Angel’s View Wedding Chapel at the Black Bear Ridge Resort and also rented a cabin at the resort. However, an employee noticed the couple’s car back outside the chapel around 1 a.m. and then discovered a lockbox with cash was missing. Deputies found the newlyweds at a restaurant, where they confessed and turned over the missing $500. They’re now both in jail.  ***MARLAR: They married “for richer or poorer” – and covered both on their wedding night.

Computers may be necessities, but they’re not exactly beloved. In an online survey by the University of Maryland, 20 percent of respondents said they’d gotten so angry at a computer that they’d “crashed” it by throwing it to the floor. Others admitted cursing, smashing and microwaving their computers. One man said he’d thrown his laptop in a deep fryer, and three men had shot their computers. ***MARLAR: You have to expect a little attitude from your computer when you keep calling it “Mac.”

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