Darren’s Daily Dose of Weird News: February 15, 2011

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NEW NEWS…
Heidi, Germany’s beloved cross-eyed opossum, is taking a page from Paul the Octopus’ playbook: the marsupial will attempt to pick this year’s Oscar winners. Leipzig Zoo Director Joerg Junghold told Germany’s RTL television on Friday that Heidi will be appearing on the “Jimmy Kimmel Show” alongside the Oscars on Feb. 27. ***MARLAR: Typically I end up cross-eyed after seeing who actually wins the Oscars.

Too much snow and not enough beaus – so says a squad of mini-skirted, high-heeled young women wielding snow shovels in Russia’s second city. Seven women dressed for maximum hotness came to the frigid square in front of St. Petersburg’s Kazan Cathedral on Thursday to chip away at snow and ice and demand better city snow removal. They’re affiliated with XZ, a local group that uses beautiful women to draw attention to social problems. ***MARLAR: Snow removal can’t be THAT big of a problem. After all, women in mini-skirts are doing it.

Government officials say the colors in the nation’s terror alert system will be gone by April 27. Instead the Homeland Security Department plans to tell the public about a terror threat much like it has been doing for the past few years – through government announcements and the news media. ***MARLAR: Instead of colors, you’ll now get announcements like “We’re at a cautionary level”, “We’re at a level of heightened security”, and “Holy cow, run for your lives!”

It may sound like a bird-brained idea, but the mayor of Lancaster, CA. wants to brighten up the Mojave Desert city by broadcasting recorded bird songs. R. Rex Parris proposed the idea during his State of the City. Parris wants to play the bird chatter from loudspeakers on Lancaster Boulevard. The mayor says there’s science to show that listening to birdsong makes people happier. ***MARLAR: Wouldn’t that just attract birds? And if it does, you know what birds do to freshly-washed cars. How long before Lancaster Boulevard is renamed Bird Dropping Drive?

RETRO NEWS: FORMERLY NEW, NOW NOT NEW, BUT STILL ENTERTAINING…
A 22-year-old Dallas college student has set a world record by juggling three tennis balls for more than 12 hours without stopping. David Slick, a student at Dallas Baptist University, juggled the tennis balls for 12 hours, 12 minutes and 12 seconds, besting the previous record of 11 hours and four minutes. ***MARLAR: He said he trained for the feat by juggling his class schedule and social life. Oh, wait a minute, he juggles – he HAS no social life.

Two Pennsylvania 17-year-olds thought it would be great fun to make nearly 500 obscene calls to 9-1-1. However, they never stopped to think that 9-1-1 operators have caller ID. Prosecutors in Tioga County say the teens made nearly 200 dirty calls in one day alone. The teens have been sent to a local juvenile court center and face charges including harassment and obstructing emergency services. ***MARLAR: Then they were given their one phone call… at which point they again made a lewd call to 9-1-1.

Tree-sitters at the University of California, Berkeley, are continuing to protest campus plans for a new sports center. The plan would mean cutting down the oak grove where protesters have been perching for months. ***MARLAR: Wouldn’t they come down automatically if you just took a chainsaw to the trees as you were planning to do anyway?

If you think that eating a little bag of potato chips every day won’t hurt you, think again. According to a new British report, eating a bag of potato chips every day is like drinking almost five liters of cooking oil every year. However, the snack food industry is disputing the claim. They say the study over estimates the oil content by basing the calculations on large bags of potato chips. ***MARLAR: Well you can’t just stop at one bag of chips. No one can eat just one! No one can!

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