Darren’s Daily Dose of Weird News: February 16, 2011

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One north Georgia man got more than he bargained for when he bought a car from a towing company recently. Officials with the Cherokee County Sheriff’s Office said that Tye Kuykendall found $200,000 in counterfeit money inside a hidden compartment behind the back seat of the car. ***MARLAR: And you thought the “Cash for Clunkers” program was bust!

A mail carrier on New York’s Long Island is accused of pinching thousands of discount coupons intended for residents’ mailboxes. Police say 38-year-old Thomas Tang of Baldwin stole more than 7,000 J.C. Penney Co. discount coupons he was supposed to deliver to the department store’s customers. ***MARLAR: It takes a real genius to steal 7,000 coupons for the same thing when you can only use one coupon per purchase.

A morning of worship at a church in Fletcher, NC. turned violent when a series of fights broke out after a late-morning service. About 30 law-enforcement officers from five agencies responded just after noon to Greater New Zion Baptist Church after a sheriff’s deputy who was on the scene for routine security patrol called about a fight that had broken out. ***MARLAR: Apparently there was a misunderstanding regarding “the laying on of hands”.

Students get grades and schools get grades. Now one Rep. Kelli Stargel (R-Lakeland) is sponsoring a bill that would require teachers to give parents in Florida a grade for how involved they are with their child’s education. Parents of students in kindergarten through grade 12 would be assessed, but only parents of kindergarten through third grade students would actually see a grade on their child’s report card. Stargel is proposing giving parents a satisfactory, unsatisfactory or needs improvement grade. “You need to have your child at school, you need to have them fed with some rest and you need to talk to the teacher,” she said. ***MARLAR: Even more embarrassing for parents – if they get an unsatisfactory grade they can be held back and be stuck in third grade while their children go on to graduation.

The Philadelphia School District paid $700,000 for a management study that found they were inefficient and incompetent; and when a newspaper asked to see it, it took them a week to find a copy. ***MARLAR: Proving the study was accurate.

An Indiana robber apparently thought a kid’s lemonade stand was an easy target. Until the crime went sour. He grabbed $17.50 and started running. The girl who had set up the lemonade stand gave chase, and the man ducked into a nearby home. The child called police, who spent nearly an hour trying to coax the man into surrendering. ***MARLAR: Who earns seventeen bucks at a lemonade stand? That’s gotta be some tasty danged lemonade.

Scientists have discovered monkeys in Indonesia that fish. Technically, it’s not really fishing because they use their hands. Speaking of apes and monkeys, the handlers of the chimpanzee featured in the Tarzan movies are trying to get the ape a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. The 76-year-old chimp is retired from appearing in movies and television. ***MARLAR: And spends his time fishing in Indonesia.

A German court isn’t buying a woman’s claim that she has a phobia of official letters. The court ruled against the woman after her appeal of a decision to cut off child support benefits came months after the deadline. The court rejected her case, saying it was a long-term problem, and she would’ve had plenty of time to seek help. ***MARLAR: So if you were planning on claiming you have a phobia to paying bills, don’t. It’s not going to work. (Dang it.)

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