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Everyone curses the tax man, but Romanian fortune tellers, angry about having to pay up for the first time, are planning to use cat excrement and dead dogs to cast spells on the president and government. ***MARLAR: You’d think as fortune tellers that they would’ve seen this coming.
A pilot’s spilled coffee accidentally triggered a hijacking alert and caused a United Airlines flight from Chicago to Frankfurt, Germany, to make an unscheduled stop in Canada. A Transport Canada report said United Flight 940 was diverted to Toronto late Monday and landed safely at Pearson International Airport. In a twist reminiscent of the plot of the 1964 Glenn Ford movie ‘Fate Is the Hunter’, the coffee spill caused distress signals to go out, including code 7500, which means hijacking or unlawful interference. ***MARLAR: And keeping in-step with our reactionary culture, coffee is now banned on all flights.
An Ohio drunken-driving suspect is blaming his arrest on Ozzy Osbourne. William Liston was arrested Christmas Eve in suburban Cleveland. WJW-TV says he told police officers, “Ozzy Osbourne… made me do it.” ***MARLAR: At least, he thinks it was Ozzy Osbourne. It was hard to tell who he was really hearing in his head through all of that mumbling.
A northern Illinois couple welcomed their new daughter to the world in the last minute of 2010 — and a twin son in the first minute of 2011. Ashley Fansler gave birth to Madisen Carin Lewis at 11:59 a.m. on New Year’s Eve in Machesney Park. Aiden Everette Lewis was born a minute later, at 12 a.m. on New Year’s Day. ***MARLAR: You just know this is going to be an issue every New Year’s eve. “Ha, ha… I’m a year older than you!”
RETRO NEWS: FORMERLY NEW, NOW NOT NEW, BUT STILL ENTERTAINING…
A University of Newcastle. study of 170 obese Australians disproved the common belief that you can lose weight faster if you break up meals into five or six snack-size portions a day. There was no difference in health or weight loss between those who ate three meals a day and those who ate six smaller meals. A nutritionist said what matters is what and how much you eat, not how many times, and that eating six small meals a day at McDonald’s clearly won’t help you lose weight. ***MARLAR: But eating six Happy Meals a day will make you extremely happy.
A would-be mayor in the city of Bacau, Romania is in the dog house after turning stray dogs into living billboards for his campaign. Local voters suddenly found their streets flooded with dogs– all wearing mini-billboards on their backs reading “Vote for Radu Nicolau.” The stunt has infuriated local animal rights groups who called the idea a “sick exploitation.” But Radu seemed unmoved by his critics and said it was the best way to get his campaign message across, because he loves dogs and they could spread his campaign message to places more quickly than his own campaign team could. ***MARLAR: And what, exactly, is that campaign message? “I love dogs so much that I’m willing to let them remain homeless in order to get me elected?”
At a meeting of the American Society of Clinical Oncology in Chicago, their president said current anti-tobacco laws are too ineffective, so he wants tobacco declared a “weapon of mass destruction.” ***MARLAR: Which also makes it easier to find some WMDs in Iraq.
Students in the UK have developed a brand new shopping cart. The intelligent carts will be able to guide you down the aisles, bring you right to your favorite products and keep the children content with a radio and computer games. The cart was designed by students at a school in Dorset, South West England. The new shopping cart features a screen on the drive bar displaying a map of the store with a “you are here” pointer. ***MARLAR: Yeah, yeah… big deal. Were they able to make a cart without that crooked wheel?