Darren’s Daily Dose of Weird News: January 28, 2011

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NEW NEWS…

No tweeting in the House, please.  The deputy speaker of Britain’s House of Commons has asked lawmakers not to use Twitter while sitting in the chamber. Lindsay Hoyle intervened after Kevin Brennan, a Labour lawmaker, noted midway through a debate on education that two other lawmakers there were tweeting about the debate on Twitter.  Brennan complained the lawmakers should have voiced their arguments in Parliament so other lawmakers could have a chance to rebut them.  ***MARLAR: So beginning Monday the House of Commons will have a giant screen TV displaying TweetDeck.

Police say a Boston man picked the wrong mark when he tried to sell him fake gold jewelry at a grocery store.  The man approached William Pace and offered to sell him a bracelet and chain marked as 14 karat gold for $100. Two problems – Pace is the police chief in Randolph, Mass., and he owns a jewelry store.  Pace, who was out of uniform, tells The Patriot Ledger he could tell the gold was fake by its look and feel.  The suspect, identified by police as Johnnie Butts, will be issued a summons to appear in court on a charge of attempt to commit larceny by false pretense.  ***MARLAR: With the last name of Butts, how you can expect him not to act like one?

200 dead cattle were discovered on a farm field in Amherst, Wisconsin.  The Portage County Sheriff’s Department says the animals died of a virus that causes respiratory problems.  ***MARLAR: Great… like giving my bronchitis to my wife wasn’t bad enough…

Swiss bank UBS AG is revising its dress code after getting roundly mocked for suggesting employees wear skin-colored underwear and avoid garlic breath. The bank said it is whittling down its 44-page style guide to a more modest booklet that will concentrate on how to impress customers with a polished presence and sense of Swiss precision and decorum.  ***MARLAR: Instead of skin-colored underwear and avoiding garlic breath, they are now suggesting skin-colored toothpaste and garlic flavored underwear.

RETRO NEWS: FORMERLY NEW, NOW NOT NEW, BUT STILL ENTERTAINING…

Hundreds of hardened prisoners touched off a riot in Izmire, Turkey recently.  Seven convicts and five guards were seriously injured. The reason for the riot? The prisoners were served lumpy pancakes.  ***MARLAR: And boy were they “I-Hopping” mad!”

A British court has barred a country music fan from indulging her tastes late at night after her neighbors complained about hearing a little too much Dolly Parton and Tammy Wynette.  Diane Duffin cannot play country music between the hours of 11 p.m. and 7 a.m. This after the neighbors below in her apartment complex complained after hearing the songs played over and over again.  One neighbor who lived in the apartment directly below Diane kept a diary of her musical habits said that on one day alone, Wynette’s “D-I-V-O-R-C-E” was played 20 times.  ***MARLAR: In retaliation of her downstairs neighbors, Diane is now cranking up “Friends in Low Places.”

Police in Orlando, Florida, were hoping for a good turnout at their “Kicks for Guns” sneaker exchange, but they weren’t expecting a surface-to-air missile launcher. One man showed up and exchanged the 4-foot-long launcher for size-3 Reebok sneakers for his daughter. The man tells the Orlando Sentinel he found the weapon in a shed he tore down. He says he took it to three dumps to try to get rid of it, but they told him to get lost. ***MARLAR: Well, not in so many words – after all, at the time he was holding a missile launcher.

A man in Virginia is claiming that a sponge was left in his shoulder following arthroscopic surgery.  Herman Koehler is suing for more than $75,000, alleging Faith Regional nurses neglected to remove a sponge from his left shoulder after surgery six years ago.  Following surgery, Koehler had pain and an excessive amount of drainage in the area of the incision.  Koehler’s lawsuit contends that the infection and further damage to the shoulder has resulted in additional medical bills of about $45,000 and lost income of about $30,000.  ***MARLAR: He also complains about being thirsty all of the time.

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