In Michigan City, Indiana, someone made off with a semi-trailer loaded with 20 tons of Hershey’s chocolate! The vehicle disappeared 24 hours after driver Daryl Rey parked it at a truck stop. And our chocolate thief apparently knew what he was doing as the satellite device used to locate the truck was removed from the vehicle and thrown into a pond. Police are investigating and are puzzled as to what the thief is thinking of doing with all that chocolate.  ***MARLAR: Police are on the lookout for an obese man with a pimple problem.

Paul Bissonnette of Plainfield, Connecticut, was arrested for allegedly stealing a copper rain gutter off a church. He picked an odd time to pull the heist: it was during a Saturday night service, when nearly 200 parishioners were in the church and heard him prying the gutter off the building.  ***MARLAR: They thought it was Jesus because he came like a thief in the night.

25-year-old Luke Pittard won $1.3 million bucks in a lottery in Cardiff, Wales — but he’s going back to work at McDonald’s anyway. Now he did quit his job as the restaurant’s staff trainer when he won 18 months ago — and yes, he still has plenty of money left. Luke simply says he misses the job he loved and all his coworkers. He told reporters, “They all think I’m a bit mad but I tell them there’s more to life than money. I loved working at McDonald’s before I became a millionaire and I’m really enjoying being back there again.” ***MARLAR: If you’re going back to work there anyway, why not just buy the place?  At least that way you’re making more than $5.85 an hour.

British politicians are being urged to eat gray squirrels as part of a radical plan to prevent the native red squirrels from being eliminated by the gray imports from North America.  ***MARLAR: As if English food isn’t bad enough – now they want you to sit down and eat a big steaming bowl of fish-and-chipmunks.

The Dutch airline KLM was fined $14,340 for an incident in 1999 where 440 Chinese ground squirrels heading to Greece were shredded because they didn’t have the proper European health papers. ***MARLAR: KLM defended its actions, saying the only other option would’ve been to put them in the middle seat in coach between two traveling salesmen and boring them to death.

In Cyprus, a 2,500 year old coffin was found with painted scenes from Homer’s epics.  ***MARLAR: Homer?  Wow… The Simpsons really HAVE been around for a long time!

A UC-Berkeley professor claims that whiny, insecure children grow up to be conservatives.  ***MARLAR: And obnoxious children who call the other kids names grow up to be liberal UC-Berkeley professors.

Builders us a measurement called R-value. It’s the amount of resistance to heat offered by a material and is useful in calculating its value as insulation. For example, wood siding has an R-value of 0.8.  ***MARLAR: The movie industry uses a similar measurement, but in their case, it signifies how much heat the product is likely to generate.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *