Darren’s Daily Dose of Weird News – July 14, 2010

NASA Administrator Charles Bolden says its “foremost mission” is not returning to the moon, or completing a mission to Mars; rather it is improving relations with the Muslim world.  ***MARLAR: Do we expect NASA to encounter Unidentified Flying Muslims in space?

A British panel on Wednesday (July 7th) exonerated the scientists caught up in the controversy known as Climate-Gate of charges that they had manipulated their research to support preconceived ideas about global warming.  But the panel also rebuked the scientists for several aspects of their behavior, especially their reluctance to release computer files backing up their scientific work. And it declared that a that graph they produced in 1999 about climate in the past was “misleading” and should have contained caveats.  ***MARLAR: In other words, “You naughty, naughty scientists (hand slap) should be ashamed of yourself.  Okay, now go back to doing what you were doing and we’ll pretend this never happened…”

Sensitive to election-year resentment over big government, President Barack Obama declared Wednesday he intends to get “our debt and our deficits under control.”  ***MARLAR: Interesting how he’s using the word “our” now.  After all, it’s OUR fault he was elected and brought us so much debt and deficit.

A substitute teacher in Peabody, Massachusetts, has been banned from the city’s schools for telling students that “Hitler is cool.” The teacher told administrators that he meant that Adolf Hitler was dead so his body is cold.  ***MARLAR: He also taught math and insisted the answer was always “Nein!”

In Tampa, Florida, police arrested Angelica Rene Ayala after she PUNCHED A POLICE HORSE IN THE NECK! According to an arrest report, police were trying to clear a crowd outside a club at the time of the incident. Angelica is now facing a misdemeanor charge of striking a police animal. Fortunately the horse, named Buddy, is okay.  ***MARLAR: And when asked if the horse could testify in court, the judge said, “Nay.”

Members of the Waukegan, Ill., city council are demanding an apology from whoever put a joke memo in the pay envelopes of municipal workers. The memo demanded two weeks’ notice in case of death, and called for the firing of any worker who undergoes surgery since it would “make you less than we bargained for.”  ***MARLAR: Maybe the city council should legislate a sense of humor.

The North Dakota Supreme Court has rejected a claim that an anti-barking ordinance is unconstitutional.  ***MARLAR: Really?  Isn’t that a Freedom of Speech issue?

The state of Kentucky has limited cigarette sales to “fire safe” versions. ***MARLAR: Is that even scientifically possible?  How do you light a fire-safe cigarette?

We all know that women outlive men, but now there’s evidence that women also stay smarter longer than guys do. Researchers say women tend to retain their overall intelligence longer than men in areas of vocabulary and general knowledge. Men tended to remain superior in the area of arithmetic.  ***MARLAR: Great… when I’m old, all I’ll have left is math, which I was never very good at anyway.

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