Ricky Ellison was driving his tractor-trailer down Interstate 70 in Pennsylvania, when his rig veered into the median while on a curve. The impact caused his cargo — 1,000 bottles of “Downy” fabric softener to spill all over the road. The spill caused traffic to be backed up for 11 miles and it took workers 5 hours to hose off the bright blue liquid off the highway.  ***MARLAR: On the upside, the road now smells April Fresh, soft to the touch, and is completely static free.

An 8-year-old boy in Jonesboro, Arkansas, was suspended from school for 3 days after he pointed a fried chicken finger at teacher and said “Pow, pow, pow.” This violated the school’s zero-tolerance policy against weapons. ***MARLAR: What’s even more amazing is that this means guns can now be added to the list of things that taste like chicken.

Some restaurants in Britain are forcing customers who like their meat rare to sign a disclaimer form before eating due to fears of the risk of E-coli and salmonella poisoning. ***MARLAR: We have a similar disclaimer next to the radio station’s coffee-maker.

Noe Tovar Gonzalez, 51, was waiting in line to go through the security checkpoint at California’s San Francisco International Airport when officers asked him if there was any metal inside his bag. “Nothing,” Gonzalez allegedly said. They pressed further, apparently knowing better by looking at the x-ray picture. “Ooooooooh, I forgot,” police say he admitted, “it’s a little .22 in the cheese.” Sure enough, in his carry-on bag was a hunk of cheese. When they sliced it open they found an unloaded .22 caliber pistol he was trying to take to Oregon from Mexico. The gun apparently was not detected on the first leg of his flight, from Mexico to San Francisco.  ***MARLAR: Because the Mexican government can’t afford the new high-tech cheese-penetrating x-rays.

Two Australian scientists claim they have invented a real thinking cap that can actually improve the thinking skills and IQ of people who wear it. ***MARLAR: If you think you look stupid while wearing the thinking cap, that’s just evidence that it’s working.

A Ukrainian woman has been arrested after trying to smuggle two bears on board a plane by claiming they were dogs. ***MARLAR: She claimed she was simply packing the bear necessities.

A counterfeiter from Colombia, who printed 42 million dollars in fake U.S. currency, has been sentenced to five years in prison. ***MARLAR: It would’ve been less, but it was discovered that he paid his bail using $3 bills.

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