Darren’s Daily Dose of Weird News – June 04, 2010

Jewelry from two entire lines being sold exclusively at Walmart stores nationwide, including bracelets and necklaces branded by Miley Cyrus, contains high levels of the toxic metal cadmium, according to an Associated Press investigation.  Testing of 61 samples purchased by AP reporters across the country from a Cyrus line and from a series of make-it-yourself metal bracelet charms indicated that 59 of the pieces contained at least 5 percent cadmium by weight, with 53 of those measuring 10 percent or higher.  And the world’s largest retailer knows the items are tainted.  Wal-Mart Stores Inc. received test results in February showing cadmium in these jewelry lines, but has continued selling the items.  ***MARLAR: Just proving what we all already knew – both Wal-Mart and Miley Cyrus are dangerous.

Octuplets mom Nadya Suleman is unveiling a banner outside her Southern California home reading, “Don’t Let Your Dog or Cat Become an Octomom. Always Spay or Neuter.”  ***MARLAR: Nothing I say will make this any funnier than it already is.

If you want to save on your water bill, you’ll love the newest soon-to-be import from Taiwan: a super toilet – which will go on sale sometime this year. It uses just over 1 gallon of water. A typical, water-saving toilet uses 2.3 gallons of water in a single flush, but the super toilet cuts water usage by more than a half.  ***MARLAR: But like all other low-flow toilets, you have to flush three times to get everything down.

Someone has rolled off — with Gordo the skateboarding parrot. The bird was snatched from a front porch in the Southern California community of Baldwin Park. Owner Fred Mireles says his mother heard something strange and saw a man running away with Gordo. The 47-year-old Mireles says the parrot is like a son to him. Police are investigating and authorities say it will be difficult to get Gordo back. But Mireles says the bird-napper could be in for a surprise. He says Gordo doesn’t like strangers and could start biting.  ***MARLAR: How do you get away with this crime when friends come over and notice your parrot riding a skateboard?

An inmate’s attempt to heat up sausages in his toilet went up in smoke when the cooking fire forced a unit evacuation at a Washington prison.  Clallam Bay Corrections Center spokeswoman Denise Larson says 130 inmates were evacuated to a dining hall when smoke was spotted coming from a sewer vent pipe.  She says the smoke was traced to the inmate’s cell and he admitted to trying to heat up snack sausage bought from a prison store in the stainless steel toilet. The inmate’s identity has not been released.  The toilet chef has been placed in segregation pending discipline at the prison on Washington’s Olympic Peninsula.  ***MARLAR: So you can buy sausages in a prison, but the only way to heat them up is to start a fire in your cell’s toilet?  With all the cigarettes floating around the prison you’d think the guy could heat up his Jimmy Dean’s with a disposable Bic.

122 criminals with records including murder, kidnapping, and robbery have been legally voted into office by India voters and are now government officials. ***MARLAR: Seeing as politicians often become corrupt anyway, this is just like cutting out the middle man.

A new survey found that more than a quarter of employers have fired workers for misusing e-mail, and one third have fired workers for misusing the Internet on the job. Two-thirds of bosses say they monitor Internet connections. ***MARLAR: Wouldn’t the manager get more done if he stopped reading all of my emails?

Sun Keman, an entrepreneur from Dalian, China, has formed the Dalian Fisherman’s Song Maritime Biological Brewery, to make wine out of fish. The fish will be cleaned, boiled and fermented. Xinhua news agency said the fish wine is nutritious and low in alcohol, and the company already has orders from Japan, Russia and other parts of China.  ***MARLAR: They even make a Communion wine called “Holy Mackerel.”

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