Police in Haifa, Israel, are searching for a thief who broke into a factory and stole nearly 100 tons of chocolate spread. They suspect it was an inside job, since the alarm was deactivated, and the surveillance video was taken. The missing chocolate was enough to fill five large trucks.  ***MARLAR: Of course it’s missing… they probably ate it!  (I would’ve.)

A man in a Cleveland suburb was charged with assault after throwing his pit bull at police and then barricaded himself in the house.  Fortunately no one was injured…including the pit bull.  ***MARLAR: However, in Cleveland there is now a five day waiting period to buy a dog.

The New York Post reports that author Susan Shapiro Barash interviewed 500 women for her new book, “Little White Lies, Deep Dark Secrets: The Truth About Why Women Lie.” Her conclusion: women are much better liars than men, and they lie about everything from shopping binges to barhopping to facelifts.  Barash said, “Women lie… to get what they want.”  ***MARLAR: For example, to get people to buy your book.

The United Kingdom has something fun when it comes to tattoos: eyeball tattoos.  A volunteer named Pauly became the first guinea pig to get the procedure done to one of his eyes – which meant 40 injections with a blue ink that eventually made the entire white of the eye become blue.  Nobody knows the health risks, and the company that made the tattoo available say it’s completely safe.  Pauly, however, has a word of caution.  “The procedure was extensively researched and done by people who were aware of the risks and possible complications and that it should not be casually attempted. Now that this experiment has been started, please wait for us to either heal or go blind before trying it.”  ***MARLAR: Apparently it affects the brain too – even before the needle is used.

A 33-pound cat in China is being described as a “feline monster” because of its 31-inch waist and large size. The 9-year-old cat is so heavy it needs the help of its owner to get onto a bed. However, the cat is in surprisingly good health despite its weight. The cat’s owner said it has no interest in eating fish but prefers to eat six pounds of chicken and pork each day. ***MARLAR: I did the math, and that’s over 18% of the cat’s weight every single day! If that were me, I’d have to eat sixty-three pounds of food every single day! So, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some catching up to do.

A new study has determined that middle-aged and older American’s have a 90% higher risk having high blood pressure. ***MARLAR: Doesn’t giving them news like this just compound the problem?

A woman in Pennsylvania reported finding pills in some Gorton’s frozen fish.  ***MARLAR: It was Ritalin so the fish could pay attention in school.

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