Darren’s Daily Dose of Weird News – June 08, 2010

Al Gore turned his global warming lecture, “An Inconvenient Truth.” into a book, a movie, a DVD and an audio book. Now, officials at La Scala in Milan, Italy, have commissioned a composer to turn it into an opera. It will debut during the 2011 season.  ***MARLAR: Do you realize how much carbon dioxide is expelled by opera singers?!!

According to a recent speech by U.S. President Barack Obama, it was his idea to use the “Top Kill” method of stopping the oil from continuing to spew from the broken oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico.  The “Top Kill” method consists of pouring mud into the pipes to try and block the flow of oil.  ***MARLAR: We should’ve gone to Obama a long time ago – anyone who started their political career in Chicago is going to be an expert in mud-slinging.  

A woman was arrested after she allegedly went on a deli-meat rampage. The 21-year-old woman was held in Waltham, Massachusetts, after police say she assaulted her ex-boyfriend and stripped paint from his friend’s car with a salami. The woman went to the home of one of her ex’s female friends in the early hours of the morning and began hitting her ex-boyfriend in the face and kicking him in the leg. The woman then tossed several pieces of salami on the trunk of the woman’s car, stripping the paint. The woman was charged with assault and battery with a dangerous weapon and malicious destruction of property.  ***MARLAR: My dad used to say, “processed meats are murder on my system.”  I had no idea he meant it literally.

The folks at the Bank of America thought they had come up with a great way to build employee morale, but the California Labor Commission just saw it as a way to get some free labor. The special scheme encouraged bank employees to go out and find one special cash machine to care for. Under the “adopt an ATM” program, employees were encouraged to pick up trash around “their” bank machine, wiping it down with window cleaner and a soft cloth, and making sure lighting was adequate at night. Pruning back any shrubbery and visiting the ATM at least once a week was also suggested, to help keep the bank’s 14,000 ATM’s tidy. The bank had described the program as a morale booster for its 160,000 workers, but California’s state Labor Commissioners say it’s against the law for the employees to be encouraged to work for no pay.  ***MARLAR: Unlike working here, where it’s expected.  

A man has received a $500,000 federal grant to mass produce his invention, a machine that removes the odor from hog manure. The Tempest dryer removes water from manure by spinning it at a high speed. The water is vented through the top of the dryer and vaporizes in the outside air.  ***MARLAR: It’s about time.  You know, I’ve been saying for years that the only reason I don’t have hog manure all around the house is because of that blasted odor… but now…

As unbelievable as it may seem, researchers at Harvard have come to the conclusion that ketchup might actually lower your risk of getting prostate cancer. ***MARLAR: Ketchup labels will now include the warning, “for internal use only.”

Criminals may be coming on tough times thanks to a new weapon developed for police dogs. It’s a muzzle charged with 50-thousand volts of electricity. When the powered up pooch lunges at a bad guy and rubs him with the muzzle, it delivers a shock strong enough to send a 230 pound man airborne and stun him.  ***MARLAR: The trick is keeping your police dog from sniffing other police dogs’ butts.

A recent nine-year study of American cities shows a possible correlation between death rates and air pollution. Air pollution may contribute to two percent of all deaths in the US, some 50,000 cases per year. ***MARLAR: Which is why we should immediately ban Celine Dion.  Oh, wait a minute; that’s NOISE pollution.

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