Darren’s Daily Dose of Weird News – June 09, 2010

If an alcohol-monitoring bracelet can keep celebrities like Lindsay Lohan from drinking, some parents might wonder, Can I get one for my teen?  The answer is no.  For the time being, the ankle bracelets are only sold to the courts, probation officers and others who want to make sure drunken drivers or anyone involved in alcohol-related offenses don’t drink again.  ***MARLAR: How limber do you have to be to breath into your ankle?

Health officials say one reason so many American kids are overweight is that few have a nearby place to play and exercise.  Only about one in five homes have parks within a half-mile, and about the same number have a fitness or recreation center within that distance.  A report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report also finds that fewer than one in five U.S. high school students get at least an hour of physical activity a day.  ***MARLAR: However, these same kids have amazingly strong thumbs, wrists, and hand-eye coordination thanks to “Grand Theft Auto”.

You know about “The Little Old Lady from Pasadena.” But how about the speeding granny from Salem, Oregon?  Authorities charge Sandra Nardi was doing 103 with her 10-year-old grandson in the car. Sheriff’s Lt. Sheila Lorance says a deputy clocked Nardi with a radar gun. The deputy says he’s never seen anybody going that fast on that particular road. Authorities say Nardi claimed to have been teaching her grandson about the dangers of speeding. She supposedly warned the boy never to drive the way she does. Nardi’s now charged with reckless driving and reckless endangering.  ***MARLAR: Even worse, she had her left blinker on the entire time.

Here’s one you don’t hear every day. Officials in Sheffield Lake, Ohio say they plan to honor a boy for telling a lie. 11-year-old Joe Cambria helped to save his mother when their house caught fire last week. She went back into the house to try to find the family cat, but Joe fibbed and said Simba was already safe. He then called 911. Firefighters were able to rescue the cat, which is being treated for burns. Sheffield Lake’s mayor said Joe will be recognized as a hero at the next city council meeting.  ***MARLAR: I’m sure the cat’s really ticked off at him though.

In Memphis, Tennessee, defense attorney Les Ballin had a tough time finding a jury.  He was trying to find 12 impartial folks to listen to a case of Tennessee trailer park violence but things went downhill fast. Right after jury selection began, one prospect got up and left, announcing, “I’m on morphine” and indicated he was feeling loopy.  When the prosecutor asked if anyone had been convicted of a crime, another jumped up and said that he had been arrested and taken to a mental hospital after he almost shot his nephew. Still another admitted to alcohol problems and being arrested for trying to buy illegal drugs from an undercover officer. And yet another potential juror quickly volunteered that he probably should not be on the jury explaining, “In my neighborhood, everyone knows that if you get Mr. Ballin as your lawyer, you’re probably guilty.” They passed on him. The case involved a woman accused of hitting her brother’s girlfriend in the face with a brick.  ***MARLAR: I’m never going to visit Tennessee ever again.

College student Elizabeth Venable is off the legal hook for cussing in public. She was cited for using curse words near small children at an airport in Southern California. Venable was charged under a law against “disorderly, obnoxious or indecent acts” at the Orange County airport. Prosecutors decided to drop charges in what was termed “the interest of justice.” ***MARLAR: If they arrested everyone who cursed in an airport, they’d be out of passengers.

With the sun expected to grow eleven percent hotter over the next 1.1 billion years, astronomers are working on a way to move Earth to a cooler, safer orbit. ***MARLAR: Okay, so then what’s going to happen to that lifetime warranty on my new solar-powered pocket calculator?

A Reno, Nevada, mom whose daughter was mistakenly disqualified from a spelling bee is threatening to sue all the way to the Supreme Court.  ***MARLAR: Sue for what?  What does she hope to gain from this… it’s not like they’re going to proclaim her daughter the champion just because mom calls a lawyer.  Do you think the mother knows how to spell “Frivolous Law Suit?”

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