DARREN’S DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS – JUNE 12, 2009

It was a long time coming, but Clarence Marschall now has his high school diploma. The 87-year-old World War II vet was honored this week along with nearly 300 graduating seniors at Wisconsin’s Wausau East High. Marschall dropped out before being drafted during the war and fought in Europe. Every year, Marschall would visit Wausau area schools to talk about surviving the Battle of the Bulge and his other war experiences. Marschall says he was stunned and speechless when he learned he’d finally be getting his high school diploma.  ***MARLAR: He expects to graduate college in 2032.  (And he’ll be the only freshman who is also a senior.)

New research suggests that a gene linked to wet, sticky ear wax and excessive underarm odor may be an indicator of higher breast cancer risk. The Japanese study may give doctors another tool for predicting breast cancer risk. The researchers arrived at their conclusion by tracking a protein created by a gene called ABCC11, which is associated with breast cancer.  The ear wax and odor problems “may become lifesaving clues to the early detection and treatment of breast cancer.  ***MARLAR: If the doctor can stomach being close enough to examine you, you waxy, smelly freak. 

Jessica Simpson is set to star in a new reality TV show about women’s body issues. The show will potentially be called The Price of Beauty and Simpson along with a friend will travel the world to discover different standards of beauty. The star was criticized for wearing unflattering jeans earlier this year, but she knows that being judged on her looks is all a part of her career. “It comes with what I do, and I know that every day the media’s going to challenge me,” Simpson said.  ***MARLAR: If we’re going to have a show starring a Simpson, can’t we have Homer instead?  He’s a much better actor. 

Angelina Jolie has dethroned Oprah Winfrey as the world’s most powerful celebrity, according to Forbes.The actress grabbed the No. 1 spot from the talk show queen on the magazine’s annual Celebrity 100 list, which ranks the rich and famous based on media exposure and career earnings over the past year. Jolie, a reigning tabloid fixture, earned $27 million, bumping her up from third place on last year’s list, Forbes said, adding that she wields more power due to high-profile turns in hit films such as “Wanted” and “Kung Fu Panda.” At No. 2, Winfrey is still the highest earner—$275 million. Madonna came in third, trailed by Beyonce, Tiger Woods,Bruce Springsteen and Steven Spielberg.   ***MARLAR: Tied for number two – Angelina Jolie’s lips.

Little Debbie left a big mess. A truck carrying Little Debbie snack cakes crashed on a ramp over I-5 near Portland, Oregon, earlier this week. Two-thousand cases of snack food became junk food. While the snacks were still sealed, state officials say the cakes were exposed to the ground and heavy machinery. So, all those Little Debbies weren’t fit to eat. Food bank officials had hoped some of the snacks could be saved for donation. The driver of that Little Debbie’s truck was given a ticket for speeding.  ***MARLAR: And vehicular snackacide. 

The National Institute of Mental Health says that millions of men won’t get help for mental illness because their male egos keep them from asking for help.  ***MARLAR: And those who do ask for mental help still don’t get it because they refuse to stop and ask for directions to the clinic.

The London Sun reports that a French company is marketing a line of environmentally-correct “green” women’s underwear made of wood. The line is called “G=9.8,” the scientific figure for the Earth’s acceleration. Their women’s underwear are made from fibers of white pine trees, but they say women won’t get splinters because the wood fibers are spun to a silky soft texture.  ***MARLAR: And sealed with three coats of varnish.

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