DARREN’S DAILY DOSE OF WEIRD NEWS – JUNE 15, 2009

Get ready for Spam, Spam, Spam, and Spam – but no Monty Python. The makers of Spam are launching a radio and TV ad blitz today. Hormel is trying to spiff-up the image of the canned meat and offer it as a tight times alternative. Sales of canned foods have been rising as the economy slumps. Hormel is also promoting new Spam recipes, including Spamaroni and Spam Lettuce Wraps.  ***MARLAR: And Spamcakes, and Spamonade… 

Recently a judge of the U.S. District Court of California dismissed a complaint filed by a woman who said she had purchased “Cap’n Crunch with Crunchberries” because she believed “Crunchberries” were real fruit.  The plaintiff, Janine Sugawara, alleged that she had only recently learned to her dismay that said “berries” were in fact simply brightly-colored cereal balls, and that although the product did contain some strawberry fruit concentrate, it was not otherwise redeemed by fruit.  She sued, on behalf of herself and all similarly situated consumers who also apparently believed that there are fields somewhere in our land thronged by crunchberry bushes.  ***MARLAR: Sounds like the real fruit was the one who bought the Cap’n Crunch. 

What could be the world’s longest lobster roll turned out to be even longer than expected. The giant sandwich unveiled Sunday during Maine’s Old Port Festival in Portland measured 61 feet 9.5 inches — more than a foot longer than organizers were aiming for. It also included a few extra pounds of lobster meat — 48 in all, plus four gallons of Miracle Whip and a special blend of herbs and seasonings.  ***MARLAR: Where do you find a 48-pound lobster?

The mayor of one Malaysia town wants to blow the whistle on litterbugs. Mayor Khazali Din is issuing whistles to officials in Alor Star city. The idea is for authorities to pucker-up and blow when they spot someone tossing trash. The mayor wants the litterbugs to be shamed when they’re caught. They also face fines of up to 85 bucks.  ***MARLAR: Residents are now complaining of noise pollution. 

A Long Island convenience store owner Mohammad Sohail confronted by a bat-wielding would-be robber  Tuesday by showing mercy to the man after he collapsed in tears claiming he was only committing the crime to support his starving family. Instead of getting loot from a stickup, the store owner provided the man with $40 and a loaf of bread, but only if he promised never to rob again. The store owner says, “This was a grown man, crying like a baby.” But then the man dropped the bread, picked up the bat and tucked the $40 into his waistband before running away!  ***MARLAR: I guess we can scrap plans for “Les misérables 2”.

Most Americans misquote Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address, believing for some reason that he said “Fourscore and seven years ago our forefathers brought forth…” He actually said “fathers,” not “forefathers.”  ***MARLAR: What a relief! Through all my childhood years it had me so confused. Who the heck has four fathers?

Sunday is Father’s Day.  ***MARLAR: And fathers everywhere will hear those words they hear every year, “Will you accept the charges?”

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