Darren’s Daily Dose of Weird News – June 20, 2010

An Ohio woman spent three days in jail for calling the 911 emergency line five times seeking a husband.  The dispatcher was flabbergasted by the requests and asked Audrey Scott, of Alliance, “You need to get a husband?”  The 57-year-old Scott responded, “Yes.”  Told that she could face arrest for misusing 911, Ms. Scott responded, “Let’s do it.”  Audrey Scott was arrested, charged, and convicted of improper use of the 911 system and was sentenced to the three days in jail. ***MARLAR: She immediately proposed marriage to the judge.

A Waffle House employee has survived without serious injury after three teens took off without paying and he clung to the hood of their car. The incident occurred in Murfreesboro and Andrew Brian McKnight said he wasn’t trying to be a hero, but climbed onto the hood when the driver tried to run over him in his escape.  The Daily News Journal reported that during the five-minute ordeal on Sunday the car reached speeds up to 60 miles per hour.  McKnight managed to fish his cell phone from his pocket and call 911.  The driver stopped shortly before police arrived.  Police charged an 18-year-old with aggravated assault and reckless endangerment. Two minors who were in the car were not charged.  ***MARLAR: And Mr. McKnight was fired from his Waffle House job for leaving the premises without first clocking out.

After allegedly causing a car accident in January, actor Garry Shandling is being sued by the man he hit, According to reports, Shandling was driving the Pacific Coast Highway when he lost control of his Porsche and hit another man’s vehicle. Now the man is citing he was injured pretty badly and suing for more than $25,000. ***MARLAR: It probably didn’t help Mr. Shandling’s case when every time he spoke he played a laugh track.

The duckling’s goose may be cooked.  A bronze duckling named Pack has been swiped from the beloved “Make Way for Ducklings” sculpture in Boston’s Public Garden.  Police say Pack was snapped off at his webbed feet. The theft was discovered early Monday by a park ranger.  Pack is the next to last of the eight ducklings lined up behind Mrs. Mallard in the sculpture inspired by Robert McCloskey’s children’s book “Make Way for Ducklings,” in which a family of ducks walks across a highway to get to the Garden.  But he’s not the first to be stolen. Quack, Mack and Jack have gone missing over the years. All were recovered or replaced.  Mayor Thomas Menino wants to get all his ducks in a row. He denounces the fowl act as a crime, not a prank. He urges anyone with information to contact police.  ***MARLAR: Fortunately, while Pack is missing in action, not bringing in money for Boston’s Public Garden, they are compensated through Aflack.

Hot lips? No, hot lip gloss! Police in a suburb just north of New York City are investigating a lip gloss heist. Authorities say someone stole more than 70 tubes of “Beauty Rush” from a Victoria’s Secret store. The cosmetics are worth about $1,200. Investigators are reviewing surveillance video for clues. Victoria’s Secret stores in the area have been hit by a wave of panty and bra rip-offs. Authorities report area lingerie thefts in the tens of thousands of dollars.  ***MARLAR: They would’ve reported the thefts earlier, but they figured it was Victoria’s Secret.

There are more than 1,000 chemicals in a cup of coffee. Of these, less than 100 have been tested, and approximately 14 chemicals so far have caused cancer in rats. ***MARLAR: And you thought I had a cushie radio job. Do you know how much coffee I drink each day?

Here’s two sure-fire ways to get out of jury duty, but they’re excuses you probably don’t want to use. In Delaware County, Oklahoma, Scott Borton has been excused as a potential juror in the first-degree murder trial of Roger Lee Lawrence. Actually, Borton had two good excuses. Borton is dead and Lawrence is the man accused of killing him.

Ever wonder why some dictators go into the oppression business? Hitler, Stalin and Mao Tse-tung had one thing in common, other than being brutal dictators who killed millions of innocent people. All three admitted at least once in their writings that they initially got involved in politics to meet girls.

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