Darren’s Daily Dose of Weird News – June 28, 2010

A man was trapped for at least three days with his arm stuck in the furnace in his basement, where he was found after friends contacted police because he missed work, did not answer calls at his home and failed to show up at a softball game, authorities said.  Police found Jonathan Metz, 31, on Wednesday night with his left arm trapped in the furnace. Firefighters ripped apart the furnace with heavy tools to get him out, including a spreader normally used to take the door off a car, West Hartford Fire Chief Matt Stuart said.  Metz’s friend Luca DiGregorio said he and other friends grew worried when Metz, who lives alone, did not show up for work this week and missed a Tuesday night softball game.  Metz also did not answer the doorbell when DiGregorio stopped at his home Wednesday, where he said he saw Metz’s beagle, Porsche, “yipping at the back door.”  ***MARLAR: Gee, you’d think someone with a Porsche could afford to hire someone to fix the furnace.

This is why your mother says to wash your hands after handling money: A St. Louis worker found $58 – packed in dog poop. Steve Wilson works for DoodyCalls Pet Waste Removal. On a recent call, he noticed money sticking out from doggie doo. Wilson wasn’t sure what to do, but eventually pulled out the bills, sanitized them, placed them in a plastic zip-locked bag and returned them to the customer. It turned out to be $58.  ***MARLAR: The bills were only slightly damaged, as they now say “In Dog We Trust”.

And now a word from our sponsor – at the wedding. Kelly Gray and Karl Gau got hitched and Dr Pepper played a big role. The couple raised money for their wedding by offering a spot in the bridal party on eBay. Dr Pepper kicked in $10,000 and supplied the drinks for the big day. One of the bridesmaids tells The Virginian-Pilot the wedding was “absolutely beautiful.” The hairdresser and her fiancé earn a combined $32,000 a year. They say their wedding would have been bottom of the line, if it wasn’t for Dr Pepper.  ***MARLAR: The only stipulation was a slight change in the wedding ceremony, which read, “Do you, Karl, take Kelly to be your lawfully wedded Pepper?”

Egypt’s top archaeologist made his version of a sales pitch Sunday, presenting 22 coins, 10 mummies, and a fragment of a mask with a cleft chin as evidence that the discovery of the lost tomb of Mark Antony and Cleopatra is at hand. Zahi Hawass showed off the ancient treasures to journalists during a tour of a 2,000-year-old temple, where they were found. He believes the site near the Mediterranean Sea contains the tomb of the doomed lovers that has been shrouded in mystery for so long.  ***MARLAR: Immediately, Elizabeth Taylor asked if Mark Antony was single.

Police said a would-be robber got more than he bargained for when he tried to rob a Quik Thrift store with a knife. A quick-thinking customer, known only as “Caveman,” grabbed a step ladder and hit the suspect. The customer chased the suspect from the store using the ladder as protection. Police said the suspect had threatened to cut the store clerk’s neck if money wasn’t handed over. Police said the suspect escaped with some money, but he dropped much of it when he was hit with the ladder by the “Caveman” customer.  ***MARLAR: Apparently, a ladder is so easy to use, even a caveman can do it.

It seems not everyone in the world likes McDonald’s as much as we do. In a recent demonstration against the opening of a Mickey D’s in the town of Sete, France, about 500 protestors gathered and used a homemade catapult to bombard the new restaurant with a unique form of ammunition. The ammunition was fresh catches of the area’s renowned delicacy — octopus.  ***MARLAR: New on the menu – McSquid Nuggets!

A man in Zhuhai City, China, “expressed his dissatisfaction with reality” by marrying a life-size foam cutout of himself in a wedding gown.  ***MARLAR: Later it was discovered that the only women who’d marry him actually looked like him in a dress.

At 101 years old, Winnie Langley has a piece of advice for people who are considering smoking: “Don’t start — it’s just a bad habit.” Do as she says, not as she does. Langley, a British widow, first lit up when she was 7 years old, and she still smokes every day.  ***MARLAR: The lesson is simple – don’t smoke unless you want to live forever.

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