Police said they’ve arrested a teenager who caused thousands of dollars in damage to a western New York home’s hardwood floor by break dancing on it while wearing a large diamond belt buckle. ***MARLAR: Apparently he was looking like a fool with his pants on the ground. (I don’t think this is what they mean when they say “he was tearing it up on the dance floor.”)
A suburban St. Louis woman has been arrested after police said she shot at her husband when he refused to give her some of their tax return money. Pine Lawn Assistant Police Chief Daniel O’Conner said the woman felt “more than justified” about the shooting. ***MARLAR: It would’ve been easier to just call a divorce lawyer – that way she’d walk away with half of everything, including the tax refund. (It’s my money and I need it now!)
Some Atlanta officials want to give a kick in the pants — to the wearers of baggy pants. The City Council is considering a measure that would outlaw sagging drawers that reveal the boxer shorts or thongs underneath. Councilman C.T. Martin, who’s sponsoring the proposal, says offenders would risk a fine, but no jail term. ***MARLAR: An added benefit to this law – it’ll be easy to chase down offenders.
Ever wish you could change a red light to green? Some New York City bus drivers are getting a high-tech magic wand that will do just that. Transmitters on 300 buses in the borough of State Island will be able to control the traffic signals in town. City transportation officials say the pilot program is designed to speed up bus service. Before-and-after studies will determine how much time is actually being saved. ***MARLAR: And to determine how many wands have been stolen by bus passengers to use in their own cars.
According to London’s Telegraph, if your surname is Morgan, Kidd, Teach, Rackham, Bonny or Read, there’s a good chance a pirate is a member of your family tree. People who have these names could very well be related to Britain’s most famous pirates. ***MARLAR: And if your surname is Sparrow you’re related to Keith Richards.
A pay raise may benefit more than your wallet, it could boost your looks. In a study of more than 1,500 twins, women who earned less appeared to age faster than those who got bigger paychecks, “Aging Cell” reports. The defining factor: shorter chromosome ends, found more commonly in the lower income group. Chromosomes divide and get smaller with age; the scientists theorized the stress of being strapped for cash accelerated the aging process. ***MARLAR: So if someone says, “You look like a million bucks!” it’s like getting an extra compliment!
A research team says it may be on the right track for finding a cure for baldness. ***MARLAR: Sure, we could work on cures for cancer, heart attacks, AIDS… but first we have to bring an end to the combover!
In defiance of anti-whaling activists, a Japanese fast food chain has begun offering a whale burger. ***MARLAR: It weighs six tons, but if you can finish it, it’s free!