Law enforcement officers in southwest Ohio were chugging down alcoholic drinks this week as part of a training exercise on how to give field sobriety tests. Several police officers and deputy sheriffs in Montgomery County volunteered to drink so colleagues could practice conducting the tests given to suspected drunk drivers. ***MARLAR: Cops have to be drunk in order to give sobriety tests?
Zhora, a chimp in a Russian zoo, has become addicted to smoking and an alcoholic after visitors gave him too many “treats.” “We asked visitors not to give him [alcohol and cigarettes], but it was all in vain,” the deputy head of Rostov zoo, Nadezhda Yeutushenko, said. Yeutushenko told Russian press that Zhora was kept behind three rows of fences, but visitors still managed to throw him alcohol and cigarettes. Zhora has now been transferred to a different city for rehab treatment. ***MARLAR: There is no word as of yet from his roommate, David Hasselhoff.
Police said a 38-year-old man was charged with beating another man at a motel with a Worcestershire sauce bottle and a fire extinguisher. Police said the suspect was being held at the Lauderdale County Jail on $6,000 bond on charges he attacked a 43-year-old man who was returning to his motel room. ***MARLAR: Doesn’t a fire extinguisher cancel out hot sauce? So it’s like he never hit the guy at all, right?
A New York maintenance man who earned $100,000 last year working at a psychiatric center has been living for free in a paint shed on company grounds. A report issued by the inspector general’s office says the worker lived on the grounds of the Rockland Psychiatric Center in New York City’s northern suburbs for three years. He stayed in a back room of the shed and had a couch, microwave and refrigerator. The center’s executive director told inspectors he didn’t know the worker was living in the shed. The worker is being charged $2,500 for the time he lived there. Now he’s living with his wife at a home in Pearl River, about 3 miles away. ***MARLAR: It’s bad enough to hear of a guy doing this – but was his wife living there too? That’s an AWFUL understanding woman! (And he’s only being charged $2,500 for the time he lived there? That’s less than $70 a month! Heck, that fits my budget perfectly!)
Talk about a run of bad luck! Authorities in Levy County, Florida, say a man accidentally shot his wife while trying to hit a fox that had attacked her. The couple told deputies they spotted an animal in their yard Friday morning and went outside to see what it was. The fox bit the woman on the left leg and wouldn’t let go, so she told her husband to get the gun. He fired a .22-caliber rifle seven times, killing the animal – but also hitting his wife in the right leg. The woman was taken to a nearby hospital for treatment. ***MARLAR: The man is already trying to make it up to his wife saying he accidentally shot her because she’s so attractive and he couldn’t tell which one was the fox.
Angered that her local McDonald’s was out of Chicken McNuggets, a Florida woman called 911 three times to report the fast food “emergency.” Latreasa Goodman called police to complain that a cashier–citing a McDonald’s all sales are final policy–would not give her a refund. When cops responded to the restaurant, Goodman told them, “This is an emergency!” ***MARLAR: Have you tasted McNuggets? There’s a criminal offense in there somewhere.
A mosquito flaps its wings 600 times a second. ***MARLAR: Good, if it’s going to suck my blood, I want him to have to work for it.
Unlike most cats, tigers love the water and can easily swim three or four miles. ***MARLAR: And where does a tiger swim? Anywhere it wants to.
Brown seaweed could fight fat and weight gain. A pigment found in brown seaweed, called fucoxanthin, reduces dangerous abdominal fat and cholesterol, according to a new study funded by the Japanese government. ***MARLAR: There is one side-effect though – you’re eating seaweed.