Darren’s Daily Dose of Weird News – March 16, 2010

Police said the mother of an elementary school student drank a 40 ounce bottle of malt liquor before brandishing a sword in her child’s school. The woman, 32, apparently intended to confront the parents of another child who had been in a spitting match with her child the previous day. ***MARLAR: Fortunately she was in a school which is full of pens, so there was never really any danger.

Police said a cook put a body hair in the bagel sandwich of a police officer who had given him tickets in the past. The cook was arrested Feb. 21 in the kitchen of Good Foods to Go in Evesham. The police officer ticketed the cook in March 2009 when he failed to pull over for a traffic violation.  ***MARLAR: The officer said you’d have to have a lot of hair on your chest to pull such a stunt.

Police responded to a Trenton, New Jersey, home with guns drawn after hearing what they thought was a female voice inside pleading for help. Police said they could clearly hear a voice repeatedly yelling, “Help me! Help me.” After a knock on the door, police kicked it in and found the distress calls were coming from a caged cockatoo.  ***MARLAR: Actually, the bird was yelling, “Help me get a cracker – Help me get a cracker!”

Would you buy a dollhouse for $169,000? If the price sounds a little high, we should tell you that Gerry and Cindy Mann of Battle Creek, Michigan, are throwing in their real house for free. The couple came up with the gimmick after trying to sell their home for the last year in a slow real estate market. They hope the stunt will attract a buyer. The dollhouse was built by Cindy’s late father for the couple’s children. They figure it is worth $2,000.  ***MARLAR: Can you get a 30-year mortgage on Barbie’s Dream House?

Talk about a Big Mac attack! Don Gorske says he’s eaten 23,000 Big Macs in 36 years. The Wisconsin prison employee says he has every burger receipt to prove it. Gorske’s Big Mac obsession began in May of 1972 when he got his first car. He’s eaten a Big Mac every day since, except on the day his mother died.  Gorske knows lots of people will think he’s a few mental ounces short of a Quarter Pounder. But he doesn’t care. He says Big Macs are the best part of his day.  ***MARLAR: When asked about his health he answered, “Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum I’m lovin’ it!”

Genetically engineered mice have produced a malaria vaccine in their milk that worked to protect monkeys from the disease.  ***MARLAR: So if your monkey comes down with malaria, convince it to take mouse milk.

A new study shows that caffeine does NOT dehydrate your body, as many athletes have long believed. ***MARLAR: And many DJ’s have ignored.

Scientists have created a pill to treat phobias.  ***MARLAR: It’s effective for everything except the fear of taking pills.

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