Darren’s Daily Dose of Weird News: March 22, 2011

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NEW NEWS…

Gas station roadside signs are okay in Concord, New Hampshire, but Christian signs are apparently dangerous, according to the Alliance Defense Fund. ADF has filed the lawsuit for their client, Signs for Jesus, which wanted to erect an electronic sign displaying a Bible verse and change it every few days. The town tried to justify its decision by saying that some passersby might look at the sign and have some sort of negative reaction.  ***MARLAR: Like they DON’T have negative reactions to signs showing the increasing price of gas?

The fear that a nuclear cloud could float from the shores of Japan to the shores of California has some people making a run on iodine tablets. Pharmacists across California report being flooded with requests.  U.S. Surgeon General Regina Benjamin said although she wasn’t aware of people stocking up, she did not think that would be an overreaction. She said it was right to be prepared.  On the other side of the issue is Kelly Huston of the California Emergency Management Agency. Huston said state officials, along with the Nuclear Regulatory Commission and the California Energy Commission, were monitoring the situation and said people don’t need to buy the pills.  ***MARLAR: In fact, the Naval officers ordered to clean up some of the mess from the nuclear disaster are said to only be exposed to the amount of radiation you might receive from a single visit to the dentist’s office – it’s that little of an exposure.  So if you’re concerned about your own exposure, just skip going to the dentist next time and it all evens out.

Malaysian police say they are searching for 100 live pigs stolen from a truck by armed robbers.  Three men with machetes hijacked the truck as it was leaving a pig farm in northern Perak state. The driver was tied up and left by the roadside. Police had recovered the vehicle in central Negri Sembilan state, but it was empty, and they believe the pigs were transferred to another truck to be sold in Malaysia. The pigs are worth an estimated 83,000 ringgit ($27,000).  ***MARLAR: This is the strangest story, because don’t criminals normally AVOID the pigs?

Police in northern Ohio say a man who was asked during a traffic stop whether he’d been drinking took a swig from an open can of beer and told the officer, “Yes.” The Elyria (eh-LEER’-ee-uh) police report says 25-year-old Stephen Supers was pulled over because the officer had observed him speeding.  After Supers took the drink in front of the officer, he failed a series of field sobriety tests.  ***MARLAR: Hey, if you know you’re going to fail the sobriety test anyway, you might as well finish your brewskie.

RETRO NEWS: FORMERLY NEW, NOW NOT NEW, BUT STILL ENTERTAINING…

Toilet paper researchers in Wisconsin hope that if two-ply toilet paper is good, then three-ply tissue must be better. The team at Georgia Pacific’s Innovation Institute in Neenah, Wisconsin, has come up with a three-ply version of its Quilted Northern product. The company says the toilet paper is “ultra-soft” and plans to market it to women 45 and older who view their bathroom as a “sanctuary for quality time.”  ***MARLAR: There are people that use the bathroom for quality time?  Those people really need cable.

A woman who tried to get around a ban on female drivers in Saudi Arabia by dressing up as a man was found out when she was ordered to undergo medical checks after a routine police stop. Women in Saudi Arabia must wear a veil in public and be driven around by a man. ***MARLAR: The tip off for police that she was not a man was when she stopped to ask for directions.

If Koozie the dog were a cat she would be down to seven lives.  The 8-year-old mix-breed pooch had to be rescued – not once, but twice – from the broken-up ice of Lake Erie off western New York.  Koozie wandered away from her owner’s home outside Buffalo and was spotted about 30 miles away, trapped on the ice off Westfield.  An Erie County Sheriff’s Department helicopter was summoned, but the rescue effort was put off until the next morning, when a crew member was lowered in a basket and plucked Koozie from the ice.  After being brought to shore, the dog trotted back out onto the ice and had to be rescued a second time by the helicopter crew.  She was checked out by a veterinarian and returned to her owner.  ***MARLAR: Isn’t the whole point of a koozie to keep something cold?

Those are love screams — elk style. City slickers and newcomers to Arizona’s high country may not know what elk mating season sounds like. Eligible bachelors let loose with a high-pitched call that some people confuse with human screaming.  The elk bugling has already prompted one woman to call the Gila County Sheriff’s Office to report a fight. But deputies quickly realized that the woman had only heard the elk.  ***MARLAR: Actually this isn’t all that unusual.  I heard screams all the time whenever I called a girl to ask her to the prom.

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