One item stood out when a cleanup crew gathered 21 tons of trash from the banks of the Shenango River in western Pennsylvania: a prosthetic leg with a shoe still attached. ***MARLAR: Apparently clean water in western Pennsylvania only costs half as much as the rest of the country. It only costs a leg.
A Springfield man with colon cancer who has been told he has just months to live is selling advertising space on his urn. Aaron Jamison told KVAL-TV he hopes to raise $800 to help his wife Kristin pay for the cost of his cremation. One friend, restaurant owner Dustin Remington, has already paid $100 for an ad. ***MARLAR: “Eat at Dustin’s… and get colon cancer.”
Paul Sewell of Berks County, Pennsylvania, is under investigation and won’t be allowed to vote in the next election unless he can convince officials that he wasn’t trying to commit fraud by signing his registration form “God.” He claims he has credit cards in that name, and it’s a legal mark, like the “X” illiterate people use to sign forms. ***MARLAR: Even if that’s true, he’s still not allowed to vote, due to the separation of church and state.
A poll by Harris Online found that Americans have a wide range of beliefs. Not surprisingly, 90 percent believe in God, while 84 percent believe in miracles. Over 70 percent believe in angels, 69 percent believe in Hell and 68 percent believe in the devil. 51 percent believe in ghosts, about 33 percent believe in UFOs and witches, 31 percent believe in astrology, 27 percent believe in reincarnation, and somehow, despite 90 percent believing in God, 42 percent also believe in Darwin’s theory of evolution. ***MARLAR: What I think is strange is that 90 percent believe in God, but only 84 percent believe in miracles. So does that mean six percent believe God is a slacker?
Scientific studies of the planet Mars reveal that large fields of carbon dioxide ice are eroding from the planet’s poles. This type of atmospheric warming could, over time, permit water to return to the environment, and make the planet a temperature tolerable for humans. ***MARLAR: NASA is planning to speed up the process by sending Hollywood to Mars next week with four cans of hairspray per person. But even then, scientists tell us there will be no intelligent life on Mars.
The more we know about nature, the less special human beings seem to be. The latest ego bring-down involves music. Scientists now say that certain creatures, such as the humpback whale and many birds, produce complicated music that sometimes resembles the structure of human compositions. ***MARLAR: I always thought disco was for the birds.
The hottest new wedding activity is to trash the wedding dress after the ceremony. Yes, that dress that likely cost several hundred dollars. The most popular way so far to “trash the dress” is for the groom to use it as a paintball target with the bride still in it. ***MARLAR: That’s good, let’s just kick off the marriage with a good ole round of domestic violence.
A study in the U.K. found that the average woman spends over $20,000 in her lifetime on clothes that she never wears, mostly because she buys too small a size in hopes of dieting into it, then doesn’t. ***MARLAR: That’s not all bad though. After all, that’s $20,000 she did not spend on cheesecake.