Darren’s Daily Dose of Weird News – May 13, 2010

A man who befriended high school athletes in Washington and Oregon and asked them for piggyback rides has been arrested in Tualatin. Police told KGW they arrested the man at a hotel on Monday on a drug-related warrant from Mount Vernon, Wash. An officer had seen him in recent days at a school event. The Oregon School Activities Association had advised athletes to look out for the suspect after he turned up at games in Eugene and Pendleton. Executive Director Tom Welter said the man talked his way into locker rooms and got piggyback rides from some players. Terry Carter of the Bonney Lake, Wash., Police Department said the man had given a player money, then jumped on his back for a piggyback ride. ***MARLAR: I’m not sure I understand the problem here. Aren’t high school athletes SUPPOSED to be ridden hard?

A sea lion pup has been captured after hiding under a San Diego police car for four hours in the middle of a road. ***MARLAR: Apparently it takes that long for the new police cruisers to get a seal of approval.

They may have spent a lot of money to convince the world that Wisconsin makes the best cheese on the planet but now state lawmakers and the Department of Tourism want to convince you that Wisconsin has much more than just cheese. They’re trying to come up with a new “brand” to explain why they think Wisconsin is a good place to visit, live and do business. ***MARLAR: How about, “Wisconsin, come smell our dairy air?” (“come smell our derriere.”)

Bad service saved the day at a post office in Germany. A would-be robber walked into a post office in Birkenwerder wanting to rob it, but ran into a problem — he couldn’t find anyone working there. There was only a woman waiting for service. After threatening the terrified woman with a hand gun, the man had no option but to wait patiently for counter service. But after more than 20 minutes of standing by the counter the furious man left – making his getaway on a bicycle. ***MARLAR: What’s this world coming to when a crook can’t even get quick service?

Rescuers in Miami have succeeded in extricating a 55-year-old grandmother who accidentally rode a moped into a hole near her home late the other night. Unfortunately, she plunged about four feet into a storm sewer that was under construction. Neighbors heard her pleas for help, and authorities were notified. The woman, whose identity was not disclosed, was able to talk to her rescuers during the 25 minutes it took to get her out. Officials say luckily, the moped went in first and was wedged in place, preventing her from falling further down into the hole and possibly drowning. The woman said she was borrowing the moped to get cigarettes. ***MARLAR: Further evidence that smoking can kill you.

Make your boss a cup of coffee. A study showed that just by holding the hot liquid, she’ll see you as a warm person. ***MARLAR: Which also explains why my last boss fired me when I bought him a frozen Coke.

A Boston teenager is suing the Department of Education, claiming that the reason his grades are bad in everything except sports is that the school system is biased against males. ***MARLAR: Or maybe because he plays sports instead of doing his homework.

Microsoft is reportedly developing software with wireless sensors that monitors the users’ brainwaves and reports to their bosses. ***MARLAR: Trust me, Microsoft, you don’t want to know what I’m thinking about you.

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