A Massachusetts church is scheduled to launch a new monthly worship service – for dogs. Calvary Episcopal Church will offer later this month its first “Perfect Paws Pet Ministry” aimed at giving area pooches and their owners improved odds at getting canines into heaven. The Danvers church plans to hold the service on the third Sunday of every month, complete with communion for the humans and special blessings for pets. ***MARLAR: Unfortunately, a one-hour church service to dog owners is seven-hours long in doggie time.
A Syracuse-area man’s lucky day at an upstate casino has gone up in smoke – along with his winnings. Kenneth Lamoree said he returned to his home in Solvay around 3:30 a.m. Tuesday after winning $3,200 at the Turning Stone casino in Verona. A little more than an hour later, a fire broke out in the two-family home he shares with his fiancee and their three children. ***MARLAR: He should never have bragged that he now had money to burn.
New Mexico has ordered 500 talking urinal cakes to help fight drunk driving. Guys making a pit stop will hear a female voice saying: “Hey there, big guy. Having a few drinks?” The talking urinal then says, “It’s time to call a cab or ask a sober friend for a ride home.” So, why just the men’s room? Officials note men are about three times more likely to be busted for drunken-driving than women. The talking urinal cakes cost 21 bucks each and will last for about three months. ***MARLAR: Actually, a urinal cake talking to you… wasn’t that already a sign that you were drinking too much?
Does a bear puddle in the woods? Not necessarily. Employees at the Park N’ Shop grocery store in Olean, New York, were startled when a black bear sauntered through the automatic doors. The bear didn’t stay long — but he left a little reminder. Store clerks say the bear left two puddles on the floor and left through another door. The bear wandered around town for a bit, then took a break in a tree. Game wardens advised police to leave the bear alone. After a few hours, the bear climbed down from the tree and ambled back into the nearby woods. ***MARLAR: Grocery store workers then had to go clean up the bear necessities. (audio clip)
Harry Jackson didn’t get caught breaking out of jail. He was nabbed trying to break back in. According to Camden County, Ga., Sheriff Tommy Gregory, deputies found a jail door unlocked over the weekend. He says Jackson had opened a door to the exercise yard and climbed the outer fence. Deputies say they spotted Jackson trying to sneak back into the lockup with 14 packs of smokes. Authorities believe the cigarettes were stolen from a convenience store about a block away. Jackson now faces new charges of breaking out of jail and burglary. ***MARLAR: The guy lives in a prison – where cigarettes are used in lieu of money, so in his mind he probably just robbed a bank.
Ryanair’s CEO, Michael O’Leary, stood up during a press conference and said he’s going to start charging passengers to go to the bathroom on his European airline. The so-called “wee fee” is in development. O’Leary has asked Boeing to design toilets that won’t work unless you swipe a credit card first. ***MARLAR: Come fly the yellow skies.
A one-month-old baby has been checked and cleared by a Los Angeles hospital after being put through an airport X-ray machine. Authorities at Los Angeles International Airport say an inexperienced traveler mistakenly put her grandson through a carry-on luggage screener. A startled security worker noticed the shape of a child and immediately pulled the baby out. ***MARLAR: On the plus side, the x-ray did find the baby’s lost binky.
The sweet tooth trumps all, even in an economic downturn. Americans are shopping for candy even as they pinch pennies other places. Candy land’s big players are seeing a bump in sales with Cadbury, Nestle and Hershey all reporting a rise in profits. ***MARLAR: Of course candy sales are going up – it’s comfort food. Who doesn’t eat a Snickers bar and immediately feel better?