Darren’s Daily Dose of Weird News – May 22, 2010

Police said they suspect they’ve captured the “toilet paper bandit.” A man who concealed his face by wrapping his head with toilet paper robbed a Lincoln convenience store last month. Police said the man was armed with a knife, but no one was hurt in the robbery. ***MARLAR: Because everyone knows not to squeeze the Charmin.

Two gospel singers are facing multiple charges after authorities say they played uplifting music for several Georgia churches, then stole some $100,000 worth of speakers, microphones and other musical equipment. ***MARLAR: The gospel singers are defending their actions saying that, as Christians, they are no longer bound by the law.

A robber gets more than he bargained for when he targets a Tae Kwon Do (TEYE KWAN DOH) studio in suburban Milwaukee. The robber thought he could quietly slip in and out of David Kang’s studio in Fox Point with some loot. What he didn’t realize is that he would encounter a Tae Kwon Do master who wasn’t about to let him off the hook. Kang was giving a private lesson Tuesday and heard someone in his office. Kang found the man going through his closet, grabbed him by the neck and sat him down while he called police. The robber took off and Kang gave chase, finally catching up with the man and holding him by the neck until police arrived. ***MARLAR: Sounds like it was more of a Tae Kwan DON’T!

Police say a woman has been arrested for allegedly slipping some tranquilizers into her boss’ coffee because she felt “he needed to chill out.” Police say 24-year-old Erin Kelly admitted to detectives that she slipped the drugs into veterinarian John Duckett’s drink. Officers say Duckett knew something was wrong shortly after drinking some of the coffee Tuesday morning. Officers say Kelly cleaned the cages at the Reynolds Road Animal Clinic. A judge set Kelly’s bond at $25,000 Friday. A Saline County jailer says Kelly was still being held Friday. Her next court appearance is scheduled for one month from now. ***MARLAR: They expect Mr. Duckett to finally wake up from his nap by then.

Margaret Kincaid loves her chickens. She says, “there’s just something about a warm egg.” Her urban chickens in Savannah, Georgia, are something of an oddity, but less so as the economy slides. Alice Rolls, with the nonprofit group Georgia Organics, tells the Savannah Morning News, the movement to eat locally grown food is growing. She says people are shortening the distance from farm to fork, and learning that “I can grow that,” and “I can raise that.” Georgia Organics co-sponsors a popular “Chicks in the City” annual tour in the Atlanta metro area. People on the tour are more than just idly curious. Rolls says many of them have become backyard chicken owners themselves. ***MARLAR: Other urban residents have discovered that pigeons taste just like chicken.

If your boss can’t give you a raise, what’s the next best thing? How about a new job title? A new survey says that almost 70% of most office workers would be willing to give up a pay raise in return for a more professional sounding job title. Filing clerks could be called “data storage specialists”. Janitors could become “Custodial Engineers.” ***MARLAR: They did this to me too. Instead of a raise, I’m now an “On Air Personality” – which is a drastic improvement from my old job title of “Monkey Boy Button Pusher”.

In California an amusement park operator has taken down an inflatable slide called the “Titanic” after someone complained that the name was offensive. ***MARLAR: Is there anything Californians are NOT offended by?

A Plainview, New York, man was arrested after he allegedly used a cab driver as a baby sitter for his four-year-old daughter while he went to hang out with his friends. ***MARLAR: The good news is that now the kid is bilingual.

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