Almost everyone stood when the bride walked down the aisle in her white gown, but not the wedding conductor, because she was bolted to her chair. The nuptials at this ceremony were led by “I-Fairy,” a 4-foot (1.5-meter) tall seated robot with flashing eyes and plastic pigtails. ***MARLAR: Wouldn’t an I-Vicar have been more appropriate?
Federal regulators are expanding their investigation into children’s jewelry that contains the toxic metal cadmium, promising that a recall announced Monday of “Best Friends” charm bracelets will not be the last. ***MARLAR: Up next will be “Ordinary Friends” bracelets, “Acquaintance” bracelets, and finally “Only Online Friends Who Aren’t Really My Friends But Are Called My Friends Anyway” bracelets.
A prisoner knotted his bed sheets together to lower himself to freedom from a Missouri court cell. Gary Graves Jnr removed the ceiling grate in a shower to climb onto the roof of Christian County Courthouse. He then used the escape method immortalized by Hollywood and knotted sheets together to lower himself to the ground. The 25-year-old, who was convicted on theft offences, is still on the run. His escape was only discovered when a jailor went to see why he was taking so long in the shower. ***MARLAR: The shower?!?! Did someone not think it suspicious that a man walks into a shower with a few dozen sheets?
Marital bliss was short-lived for one Florida couple whose wedding day dispute over gifts landed the bride a brief stay in the local jail. Stuart Police said Kathryn Marie Patrick pelted her new husband with wedding cake, punched him in the face and then kicked him as he lay on the ground. The argument, apparently over their wedding gifts, erupted as the pair returned from their marriage ceremony, police said. ***MARLAR: I think this is just a misunderstanding on the groom’s part. He obviously didn’t realize that once you’re married, everything that is yours is hers, and everything that is hers is hers.
You forgot to buckle up, dummy! A commuter who put a homemade dummy in the passenger seat to sneak into the car pool lane was caught near Seattle. But it wasn’t because a cop realized the passenger was fake. Instead, the State Patrol trooper noticed the dangling belt buckle on the passenger side and suspected a seat belt violation. Patrol spokeswoman Christina Martin told The Herald of Everett that the driver acknowledged trying to beat traffic by using the HOV lane. He created his passenger by draping a rain jacket over plastic piping, topping it off with a Halloween mask of Gandalf, the “Lord of the Rings” wizard, a beard and a baseball cap. The trooper issued a $124 ticket and confiscated the dummy. ***MARLAR: And the mannequin.
Iran is planning a vacation resort for women that will have no men allowed as staffers or visitors, and they say it will be a “paradise” for women. ***MARLAR: How bad is the male species that a woman’s idea of paradise is to have no men at all?
A British politician accused the Marks & Spencer department store of using trick dressing room mirrors that make women look slimmer. ***MARLAR: Upon the news being release, business at Marks & Spencer tripled.
Vicki Armstrong of Shreveport, Louisiana has been saving her pennies for almost 19 years and is planning to cash them in this week – all 55,000 of them, totally $550. ***MARLAR: Which she’ll no doubt need for chiropractic bills after hauling a jug of 55,000 pennies to the bank.