Darren’s Daily Dose of Weird News: November 15, 2010

NEW NEWS…

Denver residents have jettisoned a plan to officially track space aliens. The proposal defeated soundly in the recent elections would have established a commission to track extraterrestrials. It also would have allowed residents to post their observations on Denver’s city Web page and report sightings.  ***MARLAR: It was decided early on that most space aliens live in California anyway.

In case you hadn’t heard, California voters declined to make their trendsetting state the nation’s first to legalize marijuana use and sales, heeding warnings of legal chaos and that pot smokers would get behind the wheel and show up to work while high.  ***MARLAR: Meanwhile, it’s still perfectly legal to have three-martini lunches and stop by the bar for a few brewskies before heading home each day.

When you’re too lazy to make bacon, why not pop a bottle and just drink bacon instead?  J&D Foods, a company that specializes in all things bacon — including bacon-flavored envelopes , has taken the obsession one step further by coming up with a new drinkable pork product: bacon-flavored soda.  ***MARLAR: The perfect solution for those who find clogging their arteries by eating just too cumbersome.

A top UN panel is calling for increased taxes on carbon emissions and international transport to raise 100 billion dollars a year to combat climate change.  ***MARLAR: That’s right, folks… they want to tax you for breathing.

A “bright line” has been drawn for future negligence cases by New York State Supreme Court Justice Paul Wooten, who ruled this week that 4-year-olds approaching their fifth birthday are not “presumed incapable of negligence,” The New York Times reports.  Justice Wooten was referring in this case to Juliet Breitman, who had been racing her training-wheel-laden bike against fellow toddler Jacob Kohn on East 52nd Street in Manhattan two years ago when they struck 87-year-old Claire Menagh. The elderly woman suffered a hip fracture and died three weeks later.  Ms. Menagh’s estate sued the children and their parents, who had been supervising the kids at the time of the accident, claiming negligence on everyone’s behalf.  ***MARLAR: So let me see if I’ve got this right.  Four-year-olds can now be held liable for their actions, but hardened criminals can still get off scott free on a technicality.  Got it.

RETRO NEWS: FORMERLY NEW, NOW NOT NEW, BUT STILL ENTERTAINING…

Surveillance video at an apartment building captured a deer swimming in an indoor pool for about 15 minutes on Friday. “We were just in shock. We just could not get over it,” Meredith Gaddis, the manager at the Ashley Arms apartment building said. The four-point buck apparently had made its way onto the roof above the pool and fell through. The animal, lucky to have survived the fall, proceeded to take a dip. Workers eventually chased the deer out of the building and it ran off into the wilderness.  ***MARLAR: The deer have to get as much relaxation time in as possible before Christmas Eve.

Churches’ Advertising Group, a British charity, is trying to make young people think more about God this coming Christmas, so they are putting Jesus in places where they are most likely to meet Him. One tactic was to give Jesus his own MySpace page, which was quickly rejected.  ***MARLAR: Because like most people on MySpace, Jesus would have a lot of people who claim to be his friends but don’t really know Him.

For the last eight years McDonald’s has been involved in a bitter legal battle in Malaysia trying to get a local restaurant in Kuala Lumpur to change its name from McCurry. McDonald’s claimed the “Mc” was a trademark violation. The prefix was removed in September 2006 after the High Court ruled that McDonald’s Corp. has the exclusive right to use the prefix. The court also ordered McCurry’s owner, a Mr. P. Suppiah, to pay damages to McDonald’s. But the Federal Court of Appeals has now overturned the lower court’s verdict, unanimously deciding that McDonald’s does not have a monopoly of using the prefix “Mc” because it is used as a surname. They also told Mickey D’s to pay Suppiah litigation costs amounting to $2,853 — which is a whole lotta money over there!  ***MARLAR: Almost enough to buy 4,000 McCurry Happy Meals.

Andrew Dahl knows how to blow — with his nose. The 14-year-old Washington state boy has broken his own record for blowing up balloons with his schnoz. He inflated 308 balloons in just an hour. And that was using only his left nostril, prompting the Guinness Record people to say he’s “literally blown the record away.” His previous nose blowing balloon record was a mere 213.  ***MARLAR: During sinus infections he makes water balloons.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *