Officials in British Columbia plan to use camera-equipped garbage trucks to film what gets dumped in order to make sure people are recycling properly. ***MARLAR: Not only can you dump a body, but you might get a fine for placing it in the wrong garbage bin.
In remarks to the National Restaurant Association in Washington, D.C., first lady Michelle Obama said American restaurants should offer and market more healthy options to children on menus and make it easier for parents to select the best meal for their child. She cited a “local survey” that showed most children’s menus have choices such as macaroni and cheese, chicken fingers, hamburgers and cheeseburgers. The first lady said restaurants should offer lower-fat fare and that high-calorie and fatty items such as French fries might require a special order. ***MARLAR: Actually, you do have the option for serving healthier meals to your child already, Mrs. Obama – it’s called “eating at home.” You might give that a try and keep your unwanted fingers out of our wanted chicken fingers.
Anyone looking for huge amounts of free chocolate should book a flight to Armenia’s capital this October. That’s when the world’s largest chocolate bar will be up for grabs in Yerevan’s main square. The Guinness Book of World Records certified the 9,702-pound chocolate bar. It was made by Grand Candy factory and contains all natural ingredients, including 70 percent cocoa mass. The chocolate bar is 224 inches long, 110 inches wide and 10 inches thick. ***MARLAR: And it also comes with a world record sized jar of facial cleanser to avoid the world record sized pimple you’ll likely get from eating a world record sized chocolate bar.
Something stinks in about 200,000 mailboxes around New York — a flier from the new Republican nominee for governor. A garbage-scented mailing by nominee Carl Paladino features the photos of seven Democrats, six of whom have been investigated and two who have resigned in scandal in the past four years. “Something STINKS in Albany,” the mailer says. A Paladino spokesman says the mailer is scented with a “landfill” odor and the smell will get worse the longer it is exposed, just like Albany. ***MARLAR: Knowing New York liberals, Mr. Paladino will probably be sued now for contributing to air pollution.
The London Daily Telegraph reports that fashion magazines are finally responding to concerns about emaciated-looking models. They are using PhotoShop to make them look fatter. A spokeswoman for the retouching agency The Shoemakers Elves said extreme thinness is now deemed just as negative as obesity, so if a model is too gaunt, the photo wizards are told to “fill her out” and make various tweaks. Another agency, iWanex Studio, actually releases before-and-after photos of their work. In one, Cameron Diaz’s twiggy arms are bulked up a little, her stomach is made fuller and more natural looking, her thighs are widened, and the sharp bones showing through her hips are smoothed out as if there were flesh over them. ***MARLAR: Wouldn’t it be more fun if she’d just eat an occasional cheeseburger?
The world’s tallest man has a new bride. Xia Shujian (sha shoo-gee-ahn) will be looking up to her new husband, who’s more than two feet taller. Bao Xishun (bow shee-shoon) is seven-nine and holds the Guinness record. A Chinese newspaper reports the herdsman from Inner Mongolia has married a saleswoman, who’s five-six. Bao had looked for a wife by placing ads in papers around the world, but found his lady in his own hometown. ***MARLAR: They’re already in counseling though, because he keeps talking down to his wife.
Monday in Geneva, Switzerland’s Ethics Committee on non-human Gene Technology issued a report on the “dignity of the creature in the plant world,” and declared that plants deserve respect and that killing them arbitrarily – for instance, decapitating them without a reason – is morally wrong. However, they didn’t object to genetic engineering of plants, since it didn’t interfere with their autonomy or ability to reproduce. And they ruled that certain cruel acts that kill plants are okay, such as using plants to save human life, or even “the simple pleasure of picking the petals off a daisy might suffice as a reason.” ***MARLAR: And the death penalty for anyone caught mowing their lawn!
Scientists now tell us that your body literally glows, emitting a visible light in extremely small quantities at levels that rise and fall with the day. Past research has shown that the body emits visible light, 1,000 times less intense than the levels to which our naked eyes are sensitive. In fact, virtually all living creatures emit very weak light, which is thought to be a byproduct of biochemical reactions involving free radicals. ***MARLAR: Whew! That was a close one. My boss told me I was glowing just yesterday and I thought I was pregnant!